I just finished my first book, "Abilene's Child/Tormented Hope" which is about gross childhood abuse.
I must say that I had terrible experiences with fathers.
My first father was killed at the hands of my mother. Both my parents were driving in a car around 2:00 AM in the morning. From what I understand, my mother was slapping and hitting my father and he was trying to fend her off, when she grabbed the steering wheel. The car flipped in the air and my father was killed instantly.
There were four young children at home all alone that morning. They were ages, 6, 5, 4, and 1. There were three little boys and a one year old girl. That girl is "Abilene's Child/Tormented Hope". My name is Susie and I am that girl that was taken in the night, at age one, into an unknown black world.
After my father's funeral, my mother waited until night, then picked me up and walked to the door. This part I remember. My mother turned and I turned and looked at my three beautiful brothers sitting under the kitchen table. Their parents both leaving them for one reason or another.
My goal is to share what it is like to be a step daughter. I would like to share with men and women the real effects of multiple partners in and out of the lives of children.
I would like to explain how important Step parents are and that they can make a difference.
When I remember watching different men fighting with my mother, and my mother fighting with them, I was certain that both parents had been small babies at one time. That was the only way that I could not hate them.
There are not many people who grow up and discuss the effects of domestic violence and trauma of battering, upon their lives and in their relationships. I think that it is very important to come together as a team--society--symbolizing the family----and begin to rebuild "family".
As I was listening to Erin Andrew's story of victimization, I became aware that we are no where near understanding "Rape and Respect" . It is time to confront our loose behaviors and any behaviors that affect others. I am "Pro-Therapy" all the way. We need to return to "respecting" our bodies and the fruits of our loins.
We as parents must truly stop and recognize our choices and decisions to divorce, to be unfaithful in our marriages, to control our desires and impulses, to become more disciplined and to have the means to be disciplined.
We must realize that having our children institutionalized in the day care system, requires double quality time in our children's lives.
I am so very concerned about the anger that is flowing through this country. I want so much to reach out to the little grown up adults and hold them as if they were tiny babies. When I speak, I am addressing those who during their childhood, witnessed their parents fighting.
Seems that there is factual proof that if a family is being destroyed by domestic violence, there is a great chance that there is also sexual child abuse going on. Now what relation does incest and domestic violence have in common? The common picture: father physically beats his wife. He is in control. There is a high probability that he is abusing his children, either physically, sexually, mentally, and emotionally. He keeps his family in constant fear and it is supposed to make him feel important. Why is it that this man demands respect and importance from his family? Women suffer from these same needs. How did this dysfunction began in America? How many men and women are in prison because of violence towards their families? Is there more action that we can be taking? How do we encourage and help direct these violators who are acting out the movie that they had seen in their past? What generation started it, if any? Where did the root come from? (Mother's family or Father's family).
The first fifteen years of my life, I had many violators. I was beaten by several men, when I was a little girl. I was sexually violated by many men, as a child. My mother attracted pedophiles. Healthy men who see children as needing protection to not play with violators. There is two different groups of men. The protector and the violator, or maybe their is another type, the uncaring and passive father. By the way, when I say father, I mean mother also. I also mean siblings, for we are family and when we all are loved, we all feel loved. When we are all beaten, we all are beaten.
My first step father thought I was in love with him, gross gross. My second step father had the idea that mind games would break my spirit down, perhaps driving me to him. My first adopted dad didn't ask, he hit me in the face and demanded me to strip. My brother sexually violated my body because he had watched his mother allow men to violate her. She could have taught him how to respect women because she respected herself as a woman.
It is time to lay things out on the table--------I love "RAW Stuff". Secrets ignite violence. Truth causes the poison to drain. Sex is not a hobby. If you have ever loved someone and watched them die from AIDS, you learn a new meaning of respect for the human body.
My passion is in recovery. My passion is in hoping and determining to move on a healing path.
Susie Hortman
Comment/Reply (w/o sign-up)
