Well there is a lot of things that are currently going on for me at the moment and there is a lot of things that I just really don't know how to handle. But, we will get to that in a minute.

Well, with a lot of the things that have actually been happening I have been putting "smileys" (AKA: Lighter Burns) all over my left arm. Why? Simple cause it is a way to release anger without hurting anyone else. And as I am not a violent person, the best thing for me to do is to hurt myself.

Now, there is this girl called Sam, she is always over home causing problems with me and my housemates. Her boyfriend, Ricky, is also over home quiet a lot, but he doesn't cause any problems. Well, not really anyway. They always argue and stuff, so after a vote from all Housemates we decided to Ban her from coming to our place for an undetirmed period of time. She doesn't like this and is trying to get other people to convience us to let her back ... but we all agreed that this was not going to happen for sometime.

Now there is also relationship problems that I am having with several people. I can't really go into full details cause that will cause myself too many further problems. And right now that is just something that I do not need.

For the last few days all I have been doing is drinking alcohol, and my goodness I usually don't drink that much at all and when I do it is only every few months. But at the moment it seems to be happening every single day and to the point of where I am drunk.

I was brought up in a bad childhood and I am now trying to deal with issues that happened in my past from my father. Details will not be gone into with this either, it will distess myself further and probably most other people that would also read it.

Well when I have more to write I will give you all an update. But something that I really hope is that things will start to get better real soon, cause I honestly don't know how much more of all of this stuff that I can take. Oh yeah. There is a lot more going on then what I have currently said. But for now it is not the time to go into them.

Zac

 

 

 

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I am neither psychologist nor here to judge you any way.

But when you say you are not hurting anyone by turning your anger inward and put smiley on your arm, you are actually hurting someone--you. Perhaps maybe you're not comfortable or even dare to say that you don't love yourself. Perhaps maybe the core reason you feel that you seem to have relationship issues is that you cannot have the one relationship that is most important--acceptance of yourself. And maybe, just maybe this uneasiness with yourself comes from your traumatized childhood. That may be.

Sometime in life, you have to kiss butt before you can start kicking it. Before you can free yourself from these unhealthy chains you should really reach out and talk to someone who can really give you the guidance. You have to start trusting someone at some point, right? Let your guard down and seek professional help. It's better to live to tell at 80's than leaving a young corps at 20's, am I right?

Forget about this girl named Sam. Forget about your father's abusive ways. Focus on you. After all, when everything is stripped away the only one who's standing with you IS you. Don't make their problem become yours. When you take on other's problem intermingle with yours it only make you self-destructive.

I have reading suggestion for you. It helped me greatly when I was struggling with the meaning of life and death. It's Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. I hope this literature brings a new perspective to your ordeal. And remember, it's easier to talk to strangers without faces.

Thanks for sharing.

 

 

 

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