A Sudden Long Term Relationship Breakup

Darknesscyshadow

Feb 19 2007, 07:24 PM

Marina

Feb 19 2007, 08:41 PM

aww thats sucks, I'm so sorry.

don't worry you will be happy too someday,I guess she wasn't the right girl for you.I think that if she really wanted to get married with you she would have waited.right now it hurts but soon it won't anymore.let times go and do things you love,spend sometimes with your friends it won't take away your pain but you will be able to think about something elses.seeing other people and maybe talk about it with someone you love and trust can be helpful to you.I'm not the best to give advice in those kind of situations but hold on things will get better.

Good luck.

Darknesscyshadow

Feb 19 2007, 09:08 PM

QUOTE(Marina @ Feb 19 2007, 08:41 PM)

I appreciate your advice alot...Actually for reading it I can say I feel alot better- It means that the things people close to me say just to cheer me up may actually be true in some cases too... I'm going to try to move on with my life- despite the hardship i may face...I guess the main problems I have at the moment are the guilt, the feeling of being insignificant (caused by being replaced) and the shock from iut all happening in just under 2 weeks...

TypoMage

Feb 19 2007, 09:35 PM

That sucks. So she left you. I think she should of waited a little bit longer then maybe things could have gotten better.
I hope you find someone else.

Darknesscyshadow

Feb 19 2007, 10:03 PM

QUOTE(TypoMage @ Feb 19 2007, 09:35 PM)

That sucks. So she left you. I think she should of waited a little bit longer then maybe things could have gotten better.
I hope you find someone else.

Thanks alot... I just hope life progresses for now- I'll worry about someone else later.

Sonophax

Feb 19 2007, 10:54 PM

Well...nothing can change the fact that you love her. I doubt that anything has that capability. Time can perhaps change that love into something easier to deal with, easier to commit to memory, rather than letting it burn in your heart.

And in the same way, so can you.

You love her, right? With everything that you are? You want her to be happy...no matter what...right?

Sometimes...and I don't mean to sound cruel or cliched...but the best way to love someone, sometimes, is to let them go. Because you understand that your relationship might not have been destined to make the one you love happy. And... yes, that hurts to think about...to think that maybe it wasn't the best thing...but if you truly love her, then all you want is for her to be happy.

It makes the jealousy easier, for me, because I've dealt with it a lot... I have to keep reminding myself that true love means I want them to be truly happy, even if it means that I'm not in that picture.

And yeah...it hurts.

As for it being your fault...hon, you cannot change the past. You can't go back and you can't undo whatever mistakes happened, because no human has that power. No matter how many times you apologize, no matter how much you wish you could change it, nothing except for time will ever be able to make it truly O.K.

But what you can do--what will help--is resolve to make sure to find what inside of you caused you to slip up...find the things that made you afraid, that made you jealous, or weak, or caused you to act foolishly. Find those things or those circumstances and think about them. Once you can find the source of something, you can change it, if you feel that you need to. You might not be able to change the past, but you -can- change how your future turns out.

And as for moving on...well... I can't offer you too much advice there. But what I can say, is this:

Eat. Even if every bite tastes like ash, even if it hurts to swallow, or makes you gag...make yourself eat three meals a day, even if you don't feel that you have any hunger.

Sleep. I know that with insomnia and grief and pain and jealousy crushing you all at once, it can be hard...but even if you have to do things to exhaust yourself, it is essential that you sleep. Because...in some strange way, when you actually -do- sleep and sleep well, something within you is refreshed. I'm not saying that it'll all be okay in the morning, because it might not...but every day that you pull through is another day that your heart has begun to mend. It's one step closer to the morning when you wake up and you find out "Wow...maybe it -is- going to be okay, after all..."

And...talking to people will help. Writing about it, like you've been doing, is an excellent cathartic measure...it helps you figure things out, clear your mind, even if only a tiny amount.

I'm here, if you need to talk.

johnsmith

Feb 20 2007, 02:04 AM

This is how people are. Humans. They tend to get bored too easily to be true.

In the end it doesn't matter. I'm sorry man, but I feel ya. You'll get over it.

Autumn

Feb 20 2007, 02:35 AM

That definately sucks. I remember something similar happening to me, although I wasn't engaged to her.

Me and this girl were dating and it was going good. I started thinking too much into a little thing, and eventually we broke up. Within a few days, maybe 2, she had a new boyfriend. I asked her if what we had meant anything at all and I don't recall ever getting a straight answer.

Anyhow, you definately should not have thrown the ring into the lake. I would have gotten the money back for it. I know you were angry and wanted nothing to do with the representation of the ring at the time, and there's nothing you can do about it now, but still... You should have discerned a little better.

I do feel sorry for you, though. Any relationship breakup is hard, let alone a relationship where you're engaged. I hope you find a light in your dark tunnel; something to hold onto, for your sake.

Take care.

Marina

Feb 20 2007, 03:20 AM

I really hope you feel better soon.

but don't forget that its things like that who makes us bigger people.its with things like this that we learn.don't worry this breakup will make you a bigger person when you will get better.

communitykat

Feb 20 2007, 11:32 PM

It may make you feel better to tell her the whole story. At least then she knows the whole truth and can make a decision based on that, and you can go on knowing that you gave it your best shot.

Breaking off an engagement is a huge thing. My "husband" and I have been engaged for 5 years. Yeah, that's a long time. We made a date for last fall...but he forgot. I know this is not the same, but I think the effect is the same. You crushed her like she is crushing you right now. Even if you did get back together, the event will always linger in her memory and she will be second guessing whether you really love her or not. You must have had some serious second guessings to call it off. Also, did you talk to her about your feelings before you called it off. Maybe a real heart to heart conversation would have dissipated your fears, but if you did not talk to her, then you have in a way disrespected her, not trusted her, and betrayed her love. Think about it, it was almost like you were saying, "Well, I could take you or leave you, but you are not important enough to me anymore, and I don't even think I have to, or want to discuss it with you." That HURTS BAD. Did she deserve it? Because, and I know you already feel bad, but you did deserve it. Love is a hard thing to nail down...what is it, how many different kinds are there, and why do we want it? Hopefully this experience will give you some experience to go off of with ALL OF YOUR FUTURE RELATIONSHIPS. No doubt there will be many. I echo myself from a previous post when I say. Don't have sex with the people you date. It allows you to date many people at once, fool around and REALLY SHOP AROUND.

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iGuest

May 21 2008, 05:34 PM

married Life
A Sudden Long Term Relationship Breakup

Hi...I have been married since 4 years ...Living in India ...My husband is abroad...I loved him so mush since first day I have seen him ...And ih hav grown day by day ...Though I have not seen him since 2 and half years ...We have frquent fights on the phone ...Because he is under debt ...His mother ha already told him that he will not allow me to enter his house ...I have got my visa ...But now I m scared to go to my in-laws house ...As I have understood my husband hates me a lot ...He calls me up on daily basis...But hangs up the phone suudenly ...Some time it seems he loves me so much ...As he is under debt ...He want to join a company in whish he have to go on regular tours ...He will come afer 3-4 days every week ...But now I don't want to live even a single day without him ...But he got annoyed when I told him so . ...He is not ready even a single word ...Not ready to live with me ...On other hand he shows his love to me ...I m not able to understand wheter he loves me or not ...Wat do you say ...Does he love me?...Wat shud I do in this situation ...I don't want to loose my husband's love ...
Kindly giev me suggestion in detail ...

-reply by ishdeep

iGuest

Apr 12 2008, 07:41 PM

want to make my relaionship atleast at talking terms
A Sudden Long Term Relationship Breakup

Hi all ,
I wanna take advice regarding my married life ...I m going through a very ugly face of life ...I have been married since 3 years ...My hus is abroad ...He have visited me only once in three years and that also he came just to attend his brothers wedding ...He said me that he loved me ...But when he was with me ...Then evrn he was paying attention just toward other women ...I told that I loved him ...And can not take that ...He never bothered to visit me again ...I just requested him again and again ...But he refused every time ...I felt being slapped all the time ...Now after such a long time .,...He never call me up ...And when ever I call him up .He jsut hangs up the phone ...Probably he don't want me anymore in his life ...I have been waiting since 3 years ...Have been very loyal to him ...But he pays attention towarrds his mum,,,,nieces ,,,nephews...I stand nowhere in his life ...He hardly supported me financially ...Please suggest me wat shud I do in such situation ...I m very confused...Shud I keep sitting and wait when he will come to India ...Or shud I start my life again

-reply by Ishdeep

Admin Reply
==================

I feel you should start a new life and stop waiting for your husband. Marriage is a commitment not some understanding.

Darknesscyshadow

Feb 2 2008, 07:08 PM

QUOTE(FeedBacker @ Dec 26 2007, 02:38 PM)

My%20situation%3B%20am%20I%20alone

A Sudden Long Term Relationship Breakup
My ex-boyfriend have were together for almost 4 years. It all started in Sep. 07. My ex and I went to Mexico for a vaction. While we were in vacation my ex's friend moved in to our new apartment. His friend tried to work things out with his own grilfriend that didn't work out and he just moved back in with us. Immediately I noticed my ex change. He started to try to make his friend more confortable and started to ignore the relationship. His friend did not pay a cent because he was only going to be there to get back on his feet. My ex started to neglect my feelings towards him putting me 2nd best and my feelings that his friend is a 25 year old male that needs to have his own place. My ex started acting just like his single friend was acting. He started looking at dating sites and just trying to hide things. When I caught him in a lie and caught him looking at dating sites and confronted him with it he just got really upset and said that I should just give him his privacy. The dating site thing was very disrespectful to me not just a woman but also his girlfriend at that time. My ex started to lie to me because his friend did the same thing with his girl. I talked to his mom & dad about the problems that we were having and asked advice. They both said "His friend needs to get out there. It's a relationship of two and three is a crowd."

A week before Christmas my ex broke up with me. After being under the same roof and not paying for anything, his friend then said "I make $40,000 a year. I can get any apartment I want with or without Chris (my ex)or his wages." At that time I wanted to just be friend with my ex but I couldn't do that with his friend around. I find that very surprising because if he makes that much then why did he even come back and stay that long. I tried to talk to my ex about this and how I felt used, neglected, disrespected, pushed away. He just said that his friend is like his brother and that he was going to help him no matter. I told him that his friend makes that much and that he should be a grown adult. That now that his friend saved up money on my expense he has the balls to say stuff like that. I know that I have made my share of mistakes but from every mistake I have made I also tried to fix them. Thursday before Christmas both my ex and his friend moved out. My ex took nearly everything; the bed, the couch, the kitchen table&chairs, pots&pans, cookware. I know those things I can purchase them again. My ex keeps on saying that he still wants to be friends. I know I can be his friend but I am still hurt from everything that happened.

Now that it's done and over I want to get advice on how to stop feeling like crap. My ex got me accustomed to so many things that I am trying to get re-accustomed to not having him there. The thing I miss the most is just talking...The truth talking. How did people in my situation get over this heart-break. I would of rather had my ex cheat on me than to feel that the almost 4 year relationship was messed up because of his guy friend. I know that my ex will never totally see what I am saying but I truly hope one day he will understand that he messed up a great relationship.

-A girl with a broken heart

That sounds pretty harsh...But believe me you wouldn't had rather he'd cheated. You might think it's easier but really both scenarios deal with the same things, except one has used and hurt added onto the end...

Well I'll give you advice I'll probably become well known for saying: You have to let out everything you feel about it. Your ex may not understand, but you have to let all your feelings out and you have to tell them to his face- only then can you truly be rid of them enough to start moving on. As for the things you've become acustomed to...You learn to live without them again- It is hard, and it takes a long time for the memories to leave you, but trust me when I say that things will slowly get better. Rely heavily on your friends, friends help this process alot- don't make the mistake of completely withdrawing from everyone and everything, because talking to friends -really- helps with these feelings. I used to go to a good friends house almost every other weekend (after he got back from a year out) just to talk about...well...everything! It helps to get it out in the open and hear peoples opinions on things.

You probably have dreams of the past at this point- if you were wondering those go too. Just lift yourself up one step at a time and don't be afraid to take help.

Crying is good too- some people don't like to cry but it can really help relieve stress just to let it out.

Darknesscyshadow

Feb 2 2008, 06:43 PM

QUOTE(Trap FeedBacker @ Oct 17 2007, 10:59 PM)

Just a few days ago my boyfriend of two years and I broke up. I keep on feeling like I'm over him and yet I know I'm not...just today actually a girl brought him home from bball practice and I flipped. I don't know why I don't understand, if I'm soo over him then why am I acting the way I am. my friends take me out...but hes all I think about. I cant take it!!! I need to move on but I don't know how.

Hey...this is probably a bit late considering its february but I somehow wondered back to this article and found this:

My advice is to let all your feelings out- shout at him if you must, just let them all go. You'll feel better afterwards- And after that you'll have to move on. It'l be hard but you'll have to start forgetting. It's been almost a year since I started this topic- and I can say that I did this and felt better. My life has greatly improved!

iGuest

Dec 26 2007, 02:38 PM

My%20situation%3B%20am%20I%20alone
A Sudden Long Term Relationship Breakup

My ex-boyfriend have were together for almost 4 years. It all started in Sep. 07. My ex and I went to Mexico for a vaction. While we were in vacation my ex's friend moved in to our new apartment. His friend tried to work things out with his own grilfriend that didn't work out and he just moved back in with us. Immediately I noticed my ex change. He started to try to make his friend more confortable and started to ignore the relationship. His friend did not pay a cent because he was only going to be there to get back on his feet. My ex started to neglect my feelings towards him putting me 2nd best and my feelings that his friend is a 25 year old male that needs to have his own place. My ex started acting just like his single friend was acting. He started looking at dating sites and just trying to hide things. When I caught him in a lie and caught him looking at dating sites and confronted him with it he just got really upset and said that I should just give him his privacy. The dating site thing was very disrespectful to me not just a woman but also his girlfriend at that time. My ex started to lie to me because his friend did the same thing with his girl. I talked to his mom & dad about the problems that we were having and asked advice. They both said "His friend needs to get out there. It's a relationship of two and three is a crowd."

A week before Christmas my ex broke up with me. After being under the same roof and not paying for anything, his friend then said "I make $40,000 a year. I can get any apartment I want with or without Chris (my ex)or his wages." At that time I wanted to just be friend with my ex but I couldn't do that with his friend around. I find that very surprising because if he makes that much then why did he even come back and stay that long. I tried to talk to my ex about this and how I felt used, neglected, disrespected, pushed away. He just said that his friend is like his brother and that he was going to help him no matter. I told him that his friend makes that much and that he should be a grown adult. That now that his friend saved up money on my expense he has the balls to say stuff like that. I know that I have made my share of mistakes but from every mistake I have made I also tried to fix them. Thursday before Christmas both my ex and his friend moved out. My ex took nearly everything; the bed, the couch, the kitchen table&chairs, pots&pans, cookware. I know those things I can purchase them again. My ex keeps on saying that he still wants to be friends. I know I can be his friend but I am still hurt from everything that happened.

Now that it's done and over I want to get advice on how to stop feeling like crap. My ex got me accustomed to so many things that I am trying to get re-accustomed to not having him there. The thing I miss the most is just talking...The truth talking. How did people in my situation get over this heart-break. I would of rather had my ex cheat on me than to feel that the almost 4 year relationship was messed up because of his guy friend. I know that my ex will never totally see what I am saying but I truly hope one day he will understand that he messed up a great relationship.

-A girl with a broken heart

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