Saint_Michael
Feb 3 2006, 10:04 AM
I consider this my last post ever I came to a conclusion that being in the computer business in all its forms to be pointless now, trying to be something I can't in a very competitive world that relies on computers won't help me in this world, I should have did more but I let to many distractions come in front of me. Yeah I know i get 2-3 replys on this topic but really why bother trying to show support when all your doing is getting a post increase and credits for your account. And no this is not about why I lost my mod status/hosted account (wasn't using it anyways), I guess you can say trying to help people out was an escape from trying to get the help I needed. I pretty much lost everything that concerns me anyways, heck even thought about commiting a crime serious enough that I will be just a person with a number and no name, of course thought about the other thing as well but leads me into the religious aspect if you can call it that, I stop believing something that is not real that all I am is just Dust in the wind. Thought about commiting myself and then just rot away there and listening to others complain about their problems when all they have to do is pull the trigger or jump and everthing will be solved. Hell when i was in the desert I even put the weapon in my mouth just to taste the cold metal stupidly enough it was empty when I pulled the trigger. I squirmed when I heard the click of the weapon then I went into deep thought about what had happen. Of course I say to myself sometimes don't wake up when you go to sleep but when I wake up I see another pointless day. I know I'm going to die it scares the Crap out of me, but if I dull the pain just enough it won't matter to me anymore. Sometimes I wish I was one of the victims in the Desert at least I know my family will be taken care of (money wise). But at least I don't have to feel pain that I feel now. But then again these are my thoughts about life and exsistance and people will just look at this post as sad pathetic loser that should get a life or laid or both, but really your opinions don't really matter to me anymore, all I can say is don't rely on computers to make you happy cause its just another took to use to escape from reality. So I consider this my last post here on trap maybe my last time on this computer as well....
Reply
Lyon2
Feb 3 2006, 11:42 AM
I've read all you have write in this topic, and i have to agree with you. Computers don't make anyone happy, and i really sure of it, i just use computers because i need them for my work as webdesigner, and also to make some more money. It seems like you are very depressed, sad and unhappy. In my opinion you don't have to stop using computers, you have to see the good side of using them, because there are many good things in them (Internet, free information, Chats, ...). Try to see the good things in life, not only in computers, but in all things, in all situations, because then you will accept the bad things and certanly you will move on with your life. Don't be so sad because something that doesn't have too much value, at least comparing with your and mine important thing, the most important thing for all, to live, life, happyness, friends, work, pleasure. Again, computers are usefull, but not an important thing as to speek. There are a lot of more important things in life, in your life, and if now you are having difficulties in find those important things, call a friend, go to a chat and talk to someone, "just let in all out". If you need to talk, i'm here for you if you need. I have 2 works, so i don't have too much time, in fact, i am now at one of my 2 works, your topic was the first one i saw and clicked because it was so sad, specially for your friends here in trap17.com forums, i don't consider myself as one of your friends, but i see your work, i see your draws or sigs (images) and let me say that they are very good, with high quality. Try to express this feelings in Photoshop or whatever Image editing program you use, i'm sure you will feel much better in the end, it's not enogh but it will help. I also consider you as a good moderator, and the fact that you are not now one, you can be again later, fight for it if you think you deserve it, fight for it. You have some things ti fight for, for example: - You are a good designer - - - - I'm sure your friends will fill up the spaces above, i'm sure they will say nice things to you, so i will let them finish up. Hope you are better now.
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QUOTE(Saint_Michael @ Feb 3 2006, 10:04 AM) 
I consider this my last post ever I came to a conclusion that being in the computer business in all its forms to be pointless now, trying to be something I can't in a very competitive world that relies on computers won't help me in this world, I should have did more but I let to many distractions come in front of me. Yeah I know i get 2-3 replys on this topic but really why bother trying to show support when all your doing is getting a post increase and credits for your account.
And no this is not about why I lost my mod status/hosted account (wasn't using it anyways), I guess you can say trying to help people out was an escape from trying to get the help I needed. I pretty much lost everything that concerns me anyways, heck even thought about commiting a crime serious enough that I will be just a person with a number and no name, of course thought about the other thing as well but leads me into the religious aspect if you can call it that, I stop believing something that is not real that all I am is just Dust in the wind.
Thought about commiting myself and then just rot away there and listening to others complain about their problems when all they have to do is pull the trigger or jump and everthing will be solved. Hell when i was in the desert I even put the weapon in my mouth just to taste the cold metal stupidly enough it was empty when I pulled the trigger. I squirmed when I heard the click of the weapon then I went into deep thought about what had happen. Of course I say to myself sometimes don't wake up when you go to sleep but when I wake up I see another pointless day. I know I'm going to die it scares the Crap out of me, but if I dull the pain just enough it won't matter to me anymore. Sometimes I wish I was one of the victims in the Desert at least I know my family will be taken care of (money wise). But at least I don't have to feel pain that I feel now.
But then again these are my thoughts about life and exsistance and people will just look at this post as sad pathetic loser that should get a life or laid or both, but really your opinions don't really matter to me anymore, all I can say is don't rely on computers to make you happy cause its just another took to use to escape from reality.
So I consider this my last post here on trap maybe my last time on this computer as well....
yeah i agree computers are stressful...ALOT...it can get you away from other mmore important things...good luck in the future man peace
Reply
Avalon
Feb 3 2006, 01:29 PM
Saint Michael, I really hope you reconsider you decision to leave the forums. You have been a valuable contributor to the community and your good humour is refreshing. Your skills with graphics have taught me, and I'm sure many others a lot. You will be very sorely missed around here if you leave. You have earned the respect of a lot members with your dedication to the GFX section of the forum and without your efforts it would have never been as successful as it was. Sure, it's a little quiet at the moment, but I'm sure it's just a phase that will pass. I cannot pretend to understand what you went through when you were serving your country overseas. But I am sure there are many support groups out that do understand and can help you overcome the way you currently feel. Seek them out, I'm certain they will be more than willing to help you through this difficult time in your life. Take care mate and make me laugh again. 
Reply
Plenoptic
Feb 3 2006, 08:43 PM
Well, Avalon pretty much said it all. You have done a lot to contribute to these forums and will be missed. We might not ever have anyone that will be even close to filling in your shoes as a Great Designer, Moderator, Comedian, ect; You will be greatly missed, but if you really think this is what you want to do, we have to respect that. I do hope you change your mind and stay on Trap17 but if not that is ok. Even though you probably won't even see this, good bye and good luck.
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wild20
Feb 3 2006, 09:49 PM
I am really sorry you are leaving, but there are more important issues to address here. You are lacking something in your life. Is it wanting to be worth something more? Not feeling like there is a point to being on this earth? I use to feel the same way until I found Jesus, or until He found me I should say. Suicide is pointless, it seals your fate in a way you can now not change. Computers are not going to help, family won't help you, nothing will. I found it all in Jesus Christ. I know some people find it dumb, and stupid, but there were too many miracles. The asnwer was somewhere and I found it. I wish I could help you some more. I feel that everyone has worth in the would. And deserves to have a place in it. Listen old buddy, you have helped me out a lot, and now it's my turn. If you ever need to talk, email me, i'm here. Justin_1390@yahoo.com
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jlhaslip
Feb 4 2006, 02:19 AM
QUOTE SM,
I tried to think of the right words to use here, but I would only be repeating the thoughts posted above.
As Avalon suggests, talk to those who understand what you went through and are going through the same thing.
I'll include this in quotes so it won't increase my credits. Post count be damned.
Take care of yourself.
Reply
elevenmil
Feb 4 2006, 06:36 AM
Now I hope we're all aware here that SM will most likely not read these replies, but I guess it is nice to send him off with a farewell to one of the most active members here ever. Only the ones who have been here for a long time can truely realize his contributions and ability to keep the forum lively, although new members can acknowledge he was probably the first name you saw when you signed up. SM was a great contributor but like many times change and people move on. It's great to be a part of this community but we all know there's just a point in time where priorities take over and certain things aren't as important as they once were. Despite my desire to stay here for a long, long time, I have seen many active members fizzle away since I started here, and SM is just the latest of the many to leave, and his exit is considered a major one here at Trap17. If you are having troubles in life like SM, please, get some help. His emotions are quite disturbing and, for real, I do hope his life straightens out. We can all act so nice and pleasant in the forums, but you just never know who exactly you're talking to in real life. So now we move on, Trap17 members, this forum has progressed so much since I came here, and despite his departure, I don't doubt new active members can replace what we'll miss from him.
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Avalon
Feb 5 2006, 01:52 AM
QUOTE(elevenmil @ Feb 4 2006, 05:36 PM)
Now I hope we're all aware here that SM will most likely not read these replies, but I guess it is nice to send him off with a farewell to one of the most active members here ever.
Given he replied to a topic about 4 hours ago, I would say he has seen these messages. QUOTE Last Active Today, 09:06 AM SM, hopefully you can see from these responses that people here care about you. While I doubt we can help you much with your personal problems at the moment, we still care about your welfare. Life can be difficult at times, these are the times we need to seek help from others, even if we think we are too proud to do so. There is no shame in seeking help, we all need help from time to time. While it's not the same, just think about the number of people you have helped here with your knowledge. I'm sure there are people out there that have the knowledge to help you with your problems.
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HoRuS
Feb 5 2006, 06:29 PM
SM, I don't know you very well, but good luck with the things you want/need to do. Been here over a year and got your help/advice a couple of times, I guess you will leave a space behind and T17 will welcome you back whenever you wanna return.
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Ao)K-General
Feb 12 2006, 10:11 AM
That's sad. Bye Saint_Micheal. We'll all miss you here at Trap17. And I agree that computers are stressfull. They are a little evil too. Stupid computer games force you to be addicted to the computer. Than when you are forced away, you go through withdrawl basically. That's my problem with computers. But anyways, C Ya Saint_Micheal
Reply
HoRuS
Feb 8 2006, 08:45 PM
QUOTE Why is that Kasm? It's only a way to say goodbye to a community they've been part of. But back on topic... It is true that computers can distract people from real life, same goes for television. Yes, it is a fun way at times to spend time viewing others visions (tell a vision  ) or doing digital interactivities, but life is to live like a human, not like a zombie. Reply
kasm
Feb 8 2006, 01:17 PM
QUOTE(lacking_imagination @ Feb 7 2006, 04:06 PM)
Again, who needs a post count... I'm leaving trap17's hosting soon as well....
Sory, Please who want to leave, do that without announcement.. You are complaining for loosing time, and such postings are realy wasting time. I hope that the moderator , close this topic.
Reply
hulunes
Feb 8 2006, 12:21 PM
QUOTE(hulunes) really?i am so sorry to be late to say the last farewell.i donot know say what to express the feeling of your leaving this moment... well,remember those happy words you gave before in our community.to be good luck in your life. Reply
Cool_Freaker
Feb 8 2006, 10:26 AM
QUOTE Saint Michael, as much as you may only look back on it as an escape for you, I'm sure the community here remembers you as part of the backbone of these forums, with such high levels of participation in all areas - always ready to leave a helpful comment or witty remark. Your impact here has been greatly felt, and that is no mere achievement, considering you have helped many obtain forum hosting which, in one way or another, has allowed people to express themselves on the internet.
Best of luck mate in finding your way, and should you ever need people to talk to, remember there's a forum with thousands of members ready to listen.
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