I never posted (or I don't remember to) in the Dating And Relationships thread so this is a first for me. Guess I never had anything worth posting for... When I saw the topic I wanted to post so I could get some credits (guilty as charged), but after I have read a part of you last post (so I wouldn't spoil the story) I decided to read it all and really post a meaningful post (srry... bad choice of words!). So I started reading you whole "adventure" which unfortunately ended so bad.
Before posting my thoughts I should point out that my experience with girls is very much limited (all though I am slightly older then you... I'm 19 and 1/2). Now the hole deal is over, but I think you should really think about your experience very deeply since it does teach you some (life) lessons... unfortunately in the hard way. The thing is I also had a slightly similar situation 2-3 weeks ago with a girl I deeply loved (or at least, as you did, though so) After going to a party at which we both felt great she didn't reply to any of my phones/IM/emails/SMS... And when she finally did she broke up with me in a SMS. She simply did not want to reply to my phone calls. Wednesday the party... great - Saturday ... get dumped by SMS without absolutely any kind of warning. Saturday evening we had a plans for a romantic dinner, I had a gift ready for her and instead I got dumped and even worse without any explanation. I felt and I still do just as you do betrayed in some sort. But as I have said that are life's lessons. We should open our eyes and our mind before going for a girl... A leap of faith like in our cases is simply not enough...

Returning to your situation... I know it is too late now but you shouldn't have got involved in the first place. Not because of the age but because of the status (married with children). Or at least you should have bailed out when you could... right after you realized that the feelings from the first post aren't that real. And more important the biggest mistake of all was writing the letter. I have to admit that as I was reading you posts it sounded like a good thing, but at the end it became like a sword with two edges and you have got sliced by it. The letter was the undeniable evidence, the one that got you fired. It is simply horrible she used it that way, but you should have though about it when you wrote it. It would have been a different story if you would have just told her, not written her anything. I know it is much harder to do that but words don't stand as evidence while writing does...
The only thing that I can't simply understand is the gravity of the whole deal... Why is so important such a small love (if you can call it that) to get you fired! It comes to me as a shock the extent of the damage done by a simple letter. (I thought the USA was the country of "free to do whatever you want"... I didn't even dream that morality was so important). In my country, which is still highly influenced by religion (which in turn considers cheating a great offense) such a letter would have no important consequences. Far from getting someone as young as you fired... As I have said you situation comes as a complete shock to me!

I don't really understand if you make a connection between the accident and her treason. Maybe it is just my imagination... Anyway I am sorry for the way you ended you post... The difference between the first and the latest update is light years away. I know I am not in your situation (which I have to admit is pretty hard), but I think you shouldn't totally blame her. I don't know all the details, but the first thing that crossed my mind was that her husband has found out and forced her to "stab" you. She may have been forced to do that but some events unknown to you...
So take this as a lesson... for you and for us all not to get involve in relations with a questionable morality! I'm sorry for what you had to endure. But I suggest you don't make this the end of you're life. It's just the beginning... Always remember that there are people in the world with a lot more life or death problems then you and me.

 

 

 

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Well ok let me rephrase that anwii that he was mature at handling the situation at the time, letting her know how mad he was at her and that he was forced to quit because of what happen. As for the post yeah that was wrong to post of course, but I would have to disagree a litle bit about she having a case of sexual harassment just because he only mentioned interesting and feelings, and if I remember from the posts the physical contact wasn't there or failed to mention it. Of course I am not saying there is different levels of sexual harrasment but in this case it would be very hard to prove, but of course who am I kidding when all it takes to mention those two words and businesses won't care if it happened or not.

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I myself am totally confused as to why this all happened too. I know the letter was a bad idea, I know offering her a ride home was a bad idea (especially after the letter). (I also know I should not have put her full name and address on here, and do apologize for that, I don't know what I was thinking.) My boss said that he had no idea WHY anything would go to Human Resources, he had no idea what evidence of anything anyone had, but either way, as you said, it would end up a "he said she said" and as I was told a "Conflict of Intrest" would arise and I would lose my job, and "sexual harassment" would go down on my record. As I said, I was forced to read the "sexual harassment" section in the Comapny Handbook, nothing in there did I ever do, or have any intention of doing. And to reply about the physical thing, there was no words spoken to her, no words typed or written, nothing, about anything physical. If anything, I admit she's very attractive, but I admit that here and to a few people who know her and agree, but no word of that ever got to her. This whole thing was purely emotions and "feelings". Not sure if I said this before, but yes, whatever did happen, seems like a totally un-important situation, and from what I hear, from my boss who talked to Kim directly, she told him that things were said to me, that were not said. She told him that she specifically told me to "stop" TWICE. I was the one that told her "I'm glad I know where you draw the line, and I don't want to cross it." and the second conversation I had with her said nothing of that, it was merely me thanking her for acting cool about the situation, nothing more. She even said at the end "we good?" and nudged me a little, seriously, I don't know what went down in her head, or what more she has said, but I think THAT is where I lost my job. I have even spoken to LAW ENFORCEMENT, and they said "sounds like nothing major at all, especially nothing that forces you to have to quit...".

Also, if you're looking for hosting credits, is there a way I can donate them or something? I don't need them, I have paid hosting with my own domain now, and after this bad ju ju situation, I have a ton just sitting around.

 

 

 

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well, this is why i never became a cop. i was trained by what some would say the best, but decided against it. i wanted to help my community i grew up in. i wanted to help people. i realized later that i wouldn't be protecting and serving. that is not the job of a police officer. other than crowd control and a lot of report writing, all a police officer does is enforce laws. i didn't believe in a lot of the laws i would be enforcing and i certainly don't want to put people in jail that i felt don't belong there. i also cannot bend the rules or work in a position to bend rules in what i think is morally correct in my own judgement. i would have to enforce the law period. so i decided against it.

now sexual harrassment is WELL defined within the law. there has been MANY court precidences set forth in the last 10 years. i wouldn't suspect male police officers to take this seriously. one of the biggest lawsuits was brought on by a female police officer in the state of california. a certain dept. was sued for a lot of money over male officers hanging sexy femal photos in their locker. it was offensive to a certain female officer, she took it through the chain of command(who were all male) and nothing got done. "no big deal", right? WRONG! it IS a big deal when you refuse to respect people and sexual harrassment has been deemed serious in all 50 states now.

i don't respect how this conversation has went and i will tell you why. i'm no dummy. all we heard was one side. you paid very plain mistakes while writing your posts recently that go beyond unfair. you are now talking to cops that are in the area where she works. you posted already who she is and where she lives. god only knows what will happen to this lady. i'm not dumb here. you're obviously out of control and you need to relax or someone will get hurt.

as for me, i am glad you posted where she worked and where she lives and her full name. i have it all down and i will be making sure she's going to be ok because frankly, i don't trust you now and again, we have only heard one side and you are still taking sexual harrassment lightly when you were clearly in the wrong. i don't have to agree with how the law is written or how strict a d.a. will prosecute a sexual harrassment case in the workplace, but i know disrespect when i see it and i know someone who is intentionally trying to ruin a persons reputation. anyone who feels she doesn't have a good case of sexual harrassment is fooling themselves. a woman doesn't have to have a lot of proof to win a sexual harrassment case. this is where i sorta disagree with the law BUT! women have been trying to fight for their rights for a long time and strict laws allow them to compete in the workplace now.

employers run scared when they feel they may be sued if someone slaps them with a lawsuit because they did NOTHING to stop sexual harrassment. that letter was enough....haha MORE than enough to prove sexual harrassment. you offered to drive her. again she set the rules and told you NO! good for her. you didn't listen the first time.

quit while your ahead bud. before your situation gets worse. you're digging yourself deeper. i took a personal interest in your whole story and now i am riding a thin line where i told myself i wouldn't do it anymore. that is to disrespect the posters here on trap. but let me say this clearly. until you settle down, i will not trust you. especially when you have male cops that are friends of yours. i have her info. it's very easy for me to get yours. it's also very easy for me to point her in the right direction to trap and other things that would not go your way if you pursue anything against her. let it rest. your emotional. that's understandable. you're hurt. you're car is trashed. revenge or other bad intentions are not going to help ya. maybe for a whole 5 seconds, but after that, if you have a heart, your guilt will eat at ya. i believe you have a heart from what i've read. and i still believe ytouy care about this woman. you just need to chill, let her go and get on with your life and be happy and successfull in whatever you put your mind to that is GOOD with GOOD intentions. take my advice bud. you didn't then. take it now. this is serious.

and i want everyone to realize reading this that this has only been one side. and copper, when you go to bed at night and are lying there. i want you to think about me and know i know more about this situation than you think i do. that is a fact. be carefull what you say and be that responsible person you have admitted you are at the young age of 19.

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After reading the part with the female officer I can say without a doubt that the US is the country of all possibilities. Like come on... sexual harassment when a man has photos with woman. What's next? She will sue the Playboy editor... That's way too much! In the US you can sue anybody for anything this days. You must hire a black person if he comes to an interview because if you don't he will sue you. In my country sexual harassment is very much only 2 words. I only heard a few cases of people getting sued and convicted for it. Of course that is bad, but also saying it is sexual harassment when it isn't is also pretty bad.
I'm not defending CopperZepher, in fact if I would have seen this thread sooner I would have told him to bail out right away, but I would have never imagined it would get this far.
You're right when you say it is only his side of the story, but how much could he distort the truth... Sexual harassment has two words and that has to count for something. I think sexual means something related to sex, so unless he made some dirty proposals in the letter I fail to see where is the sexual part of the harassment. For what he has written he didn't seem to be someone with questionable intentions or morality. He did a horrible mistake by releasing her name and address, but I'm not sure I wouldn't do the same if I were in his situation. If he is guilty for something he is guilty for not thinking too much before taking an action. He is guilty of not holding his feelings for himself...
The bottom line is: I can't see where sexual harassment fits, so I can't understand why he got fired. Instead he could have just received a warning. Still he shouldn't have gotten involved in this in the first place!

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yea, it's one area of the law, i don't know what i believe. i believe it's a little too much but things like this and how men treat women have been bringing women down in the workplace for years. it's just like we have obolished slavery to a certain extent, but how many rights did black people really have? they are still struggling in certain parts of the united states because of what had happened 200 years ago. there has to be a way to make up for the misgivings just so women or blacks have an equal chance here. that is my opinion. now as far as going to far, i don't know. it seems excessive and it seems that women can abuse the law to hurt others just to make a point or get ahead. but yes, all women have to do is mention it and that's enough for a good case in this country right now until other things change. same with domestic violence. the law is strict in that area too where women are concerned. i've seen women take advantage of it and innocent people gone to jail. it's sad. there is no perfect system though. never will be. but i believe the united states has all the checks and balances to make this country great. the people have a say in this country too so nobody is really left out in the wind. we hope for the best. that's what i do....with our not so perfect system, and sometimes we have to fight for our rights. either way, it is a free country and i love it.

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I'm.. a little astonished and confused anwiii... I don't think you get it... The letter was a deterent from her thinking that I was going to rape her or something, it simply explained that i was NOT interested in a relationship, NOT after her, NOT trying to break up the family, THAT is what it was about, how can that hurt me?

I've moved on, I don't go there anymore, I havn't actually seen her since my last day there, and I intend to keep it that way. How many times must i say that i have ZERO intentions to do ANYTHING. I've applied for jobs at new places, I'm just trying to survive here, the last thing on my mind is getting revenge, if she feels bad for ruining my life, fine, let her do it on her own, if she wants to call me fine, but I'm not about to go calling her for any reason at all. Things are in such high tension in my life now, the last thing I want to do is snap the thin ice im walking on, and as those male police officers (and the female detective who also got a word in, which was no different) simply stated "dont do anything stupid, you dont want to mess up your career, just move on" and thats exactly what I have done. Like i said, I was very emotional and I have no idea what I was expecting anyone to do with that information, I was just angry, but it was several days ago now, I'm done, it's over, and I just want to get a job, move on with my life, and start being able to pay my bills again!!

You want to contact her? Fine. Go for it, good luck with that. She'll probably get real pissed off and either 1. hang up on you if you called, 2. throw the letter away if you took that route. She's very independant and does not want any help on anything from anyone, especially someone she doesnt know exists yet.

ALso, the cops dont know who she is, only where she works because they knew where i worked, they dont know her name or what she looks like, that she lives out of city, any of that, just what she did, and how it does not correlate to anything involved in sexual harassment, if i told you that i wasnt trying to get involved with you, would you consider that sexual harassment? i wouldnt. Sure I offered her a ride home, I'm a nice guy, plain and simple, what do you think I was going to pull over and rape her or something? NO! that's HORRIBLE, not only that, it's against the law, the most common law i break is the speed limit, and thats about it.

My car is not "trashed" it's simply missing a side mirror, insurance is paying for all of it, not my problem, I'm not mad about that, at all. Also, you don't even know how old I am, that, sir, is the beauty of the Internet, and the Glory of Anonymity.

So I say this, 'Calkid', stop hanging on the past, you're 39, you should know this by now. For the last time, I am done with her, I don't want to be messing around with her anymore now that I know what she's capable of doing. I am no longer interested in having her as a friend, and several of my ex-co-workers are afraid to even go near her now, good for them, they're smart, like me, STAY AWAY. That's what I've been doing, and plan to continue doing.

P.S. Has anyone ever told you that you look like Dane Cook?

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ok so here an answer you aint gonna want but i have to say it

ill start by saying i havent read the whole post but from what i have read it seams your in a classicle situation your young shes older than you shes with children and in a relationship. what do you do

first of all no this its never rite to split up a relationship it gets worse when there are children in that relationship you canot just think of what will be good for you and her the kids need to be considerd to.

now im not saying your a bad guy but i am saying maybe your just a little niyeve to these situations.

im only 21 but i have had my fair share of bad relationships as well as good but one thing to allways remember is this

generly if you come out on top it not the rite thing you did

you see relationships are most if not all the time like flowers they can bloominto some thing of spectacular beuty it the work is put in and the situation assest to the verry best but.

if left to long without care theye die to become nothing more that fertiliser.

but the reason i say generaly if you come out on top you did the wrong thing is because if you truely feel like there is an outherworldly conections between you and this lady then you need to ask yourself not what can i do to make it good for me but what does she want and is she happy and what abouth the children.

now i can go round saying life is perfect and everything works out great because it doesnt thats why if you do the rite thing you never end out on top the saying nice guys finish last is true but heres a little saying of myown that you should get to no

nice guys may finish last but generaly the best there is out there is overlookd because everyone is looking for the same thing so the one you want will be rite there with you in last place call it a joint win.

you see peoples problems these days is simply that noone remembers how to dream.

think over what you want and then think of what she wants use bioth answers combined and you have a small giude of help

remember those that dream dont allways go far but those who dont dream never move at all.

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well nobody mentioned rape until you just mentioned it. as far as it being against the law, yes, rape is against the law. so is sexual harrassment but that didn't stop you. that was my whole point. you may not agree with the law like me, but you will be in a position to enforce them soon and it scares me that you don't know what sexual harrassment in the workplace is. there was a letter that got shown to people. once that happened, any ride invitation or an invitation to buy a cell phone or just being NICE is cause to suspect you of sexual harrassment in the workplace. i respected that you were honest with you and in fact, if you were just being a nice guy, then GREAT.....BUT! that's not how she will take it or others reading your letter obviously. right? you had to quit your job bud. that's how serious it was and you knew how serious it was. that's why you quit instead of others making a bigger deal over it. she yelled at ya in the store saying she didn't want a ride. you were upset but put yourself in her shoes. she did it because you kept making her feel uncomfortable after she set the boundries and after you kept over stepping them and she wanted to prove to you and others how serious she felt about the situation. it caused you embarrassment. i understand that.

yes, i am 39 and have experienced alot in this lifetime. i have made TONS of mistakes. i have been in deep waters where i would think about suicide because i kept asking myself why life was so cruel. it IS cruel. fairness or the law or what is right or wrong is all up for interpretation. it's all relative. you may not agree with what transpired, but that is life my friend. other people were uncomfortable and obviously other people in power thought you were wrong as well. from the start i suggested to be carefull bud. do you not remember that? i tried to be supportive as much as i could be. do you remember that?

i had a chance to date a married woman once. a long long time ago. i didn't know she was married until our first date. she came clean and told me her marriage was in the midst of a divorce proccess. i ended that situation cold turkey. why? because i have morals. i will give any relationship a chance even through a divorce process. who knows what could happen. she had a kid involved and i am no home recker if there is a chance that they can work through things. she kept calling me and i kept ignoring her calls. i'm not good at letting people down. she was searching for something she wouldn't be able to recieve from me. security....love...attention....the idea of what a marriage should be. when i was in my early 20's, i knew it was wrong to get involved. there is a moral and value issue(in my opinion)

if you ever consider me a friend...hey....buy ME a cell phone or one of your other friends. not a married woman. that will just be taken WAY wrong even if it was just a friendly gesture. in my opinion, it's a way to buy someone off so maybe they will like ya more if buying them things works and what you did backfired. why i am sorry because i know she meant a lot to you and i know if she meant a lot to you, you aren't over it that quickly like you want to convince me. if you ARE in fact over her that quick, then shame on me for believing how much she meant.

there are people out there bud that seem like good people. they gain trust over time, then they DO rape the women. they do take advantage after gaining trust. it happens eery day. it's hard to determine sometime who the good and the bad are. they have the same characteristics. you as a police officer will learn this fast. you will learn how to determine if someone is lying to you but it's not fullproof. these people who try to gain trust are expert liars. so are drug users and other people. they base their whole life around lies until they are just living one big lie. who is to say you weren't going to take advantage of her after you built trust? nobody but YOU knows. nobody else will know and it's not up to you to convince people. people can live a lifetime and they will never be understood fully by others. that's a fact and it makes the world a lonely place sometimes when people don't see clearly who we really are.

now let me break something down for ya. there are 3 types of people who do the wrong things. people who know they have done the wrong thing and don't admit it. these are the people others need to watch out for. then there's the people who do the wrong thing but don't know it. these people also have to be watched out for until they learn what they did was wrong. then there are the people who didn't really know what they did was wrong until after the fact and they admit their wrongs. which person are you? which person do you want to be. the first two people will have a hard time learning from their mistakes. the last person is one who will learn from their mistakes and move on. criminals usually fall in to the first catagory, kids usually fall in to the second catagory, and the wise usually fall in to the third catagory. i AM 39 and have gained my knowlege along the way in which i am able to write what i do here and try to guide ya bud.

my other post had sorta a harsh tone to it. i didn't mean anything by it. i just want to make ya think. your going to be a police officer. it's one of the most important professions in this country. so are teachers and other people helping professions like nurses aides. these professions take responsible people to fill these professions. not teachers who get hired because they know they get the whole summer off. not cops who get hired to fullfill their need for control, and not nurses aids because it's one of the easiest professional professions to get in to now a days. you will have to determine what sexual harrassment is and arrest a criminal. you will have to know the difference so this criminal doesn't have a chance to commit other crimes against women or....if you have a heart like me, you will feel guilty over it and will have to seperate the emotion....but it makes a person hardened when they have to seperate emotion. that's why police officers have a very high divorce rate because it conflicts with what most women want.

i have seen to much in this world not to be cautious about your situation. not to say your a bad guy, but because if i wasn't, or other people weren't, then they would never be able to determine who the bad guys are.

fact is, you wrote a letter stating your feelings. that is sexual harrassment alone in the work place btw. then you tried to buy her a cell phone and give her a lift home. how do you think others will take this?????? this is a lesson bud. you were wrong. she wasn't. YOU were. she was just doing her job and she was just being friendly when she greeted you every day. you took it beyond that. you and you alone and your job was the consequence.

now you are going to be a police officer and all that was damaged was the mirror? didn't get a license plate? didn't call nothing in on your cell phone? if people were going to hire me as a police officer and knew about that situation, the first question i would be asked in the interview proccess would be why i didn't get a license plate. police officers are considered "expert" observers. that's what they do for a living and that's what they train you to do....observe. i had my mirror shot off once in los angeles on night after coming home from a bar. 3 guys in the car. i got their license plate after they took off at high speed. i was stupid knowing they had what seemed to be shotguns, and i was also lucky that nothing hit me, but they were later arrested. this is the job your getting in to and it starts by learning from your most recent experience with this women. who knows why she did what she did. maybe it was a bit over exaggerated....but same goes for you too. why did you do what YOU did? the whole situation seems a bit weird to me.

so all i am saying is learn from it....and when you finally get sworn in, you will be swearing in to protect women too. not just men. women who get abused by men more than men get abused by women. you will be called to settle domestic violence situations and will have to determine who's fault it is. domestic violence is hard to control. that's why in most states now, it doesn't matter who's fault. both go to jail after the second call in any 24 hour period. police officers usually don't do their job in taking them both in and later someone suffers. police officers aren't the judge and jury....and domestic violece is a serious issue in this country now. why BOTH go to jail now. i compare it to sexual harrassment because people take it lightly as a pat on the butt being friendly....or confessions true feelings as just being honest and coming clean.....but there are consequences. why? because if there wasn't, there would be more of a problem with it today as there was 10 years ago. and the likely victim will usually be women. i don't agree with how the law gives women so many rights right now because it can be taken advantage of very easily but in this case, the way you talked about this woman, i don't think she took advantage of it. like you said, i don't think she wanted to hurt you. i think she just wanted you to stop and she ran out of ways to tell you after you opened up to her

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