How To Keep A Relationship Running - a simple advice that might help a lot

The cruel fact is, (this is just my personal opinion), that there is a big difference between what we would like to be, and what we really are, as humans, as creatures, and there is a big difference between what we would like love to be, and the things that really affect it.

This might seem really simple, but its really important, for those relations that are most important to us. Now normaly, when you dont really love someone too much, you dont care much about the relationship, so you dont have much issues with it... but when you fall in love too deeply, and care too much about someone too much, it hurts way too much, plus it ussualy likes to go to hell very fast...

The thing is, we're wierd beings, and when someone starts showing too much attention and love to us, and when we stop being afraid of loosing him, we dont want him that much anymore.... and the other way around.... so the simple secret of keeping the relationship good (if it is that way) is to make sure you never show more attention to your partner, then he does to you (maybe a little but never a lot).... be to him as he is to you (im not saying you have to be vengefull cause thats a bad idea, but if he stops being as good to you as he was, you should do the same, never cry out for attention and try to even increase your love for him when he drops in it, this will just start a painfull process, cause youll want him more and more, and hell want you less and less... so even if you feel like that, never show it, and try to get hes attention the other way around...)

thats how i belive things should be done, the only problem is i never manage to do em right, and allways do em wrong lol

(sorry for my english, i hope i made my point understandable, im more used of technical and game topics then talking about relations)

 

 

 

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thx for sharing your experience and advice...
by the way,our Admin OpaQue also give us a similar and useful post at
http://www.trap17.com/forums/10-good-point...hip-t32087.html

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well i dont really see much similarity in the points presented, but tnx for the link as i find that post rather nice....

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Ya know there're some key things I think you hit there. A very important part in relationships is being on the same level as your partner. Now, through my experience in relationships, I think that there's a whole other way of maintaining healthy relationships, that are forward moving towards the goal of what relationships are ultimately intended for.

I've never quite understood why someone would get involved with a person they already know they won't end up with. It just leads to hurt and loss down the road...especially when it comes time to finally actually end it.

Some of the things I think are relevant to the issue of relationships are timing, trusting, loving, and committment.

There's really no reason to say you love someone but aren't ready for a committment. All you're trying to do is temporarily have a piece of that person's heart, when you aren't even sure if you wanna be responsible for taking it. I don't think people should "love" or "fall in love" if they aren't ready for a committment, because what happens once you "fall out" or "stop" loving that person? It just creates scars on both ends.

Another thing is what is love really? I mean, we all say it, and most of us think we feel it...but is it really an emotion? I believe that true love is signified with action. If I say I love you, but know in my heart you aren't the one I wanna be with for the rest of my life, but still figure you can make me happy now, so I stay with you knowing you're falling in love with me...is that true love? Or is that the word I choose to describe what is ultimately temporary satisfaction?

Now if I say I love you, and I'm ready to take the responsibility that comes along with what happens to someone when you tell them that, there's a good chance I really do. And if I'm willing to do my best to guard and protect you from pain, even if that means KEEPING the "I love you" TO MYSELF...and not telling you because I know it's best for you to not know yet...for whatever reason...then I probably love you. True love I believe is the thing that ALWAYS looks out for what's in the best interest of the OTHER person. Sometimes your best interest is loss for me, but if I love you, I should do that. It's an action...how we choose to make our decisions around and regarding that person.

I think if more people could figure that out...and decide to stay away from the "i love you" before they're ready to commit to the actions of truly loving someone, it'd be a whole lot easier to find right relationships and live our lives accordingly.

 

 

 

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well i guess you have a point but if that is the way you are going to go with it how are you going to deside when it is time for the next step. For example i dated a girl 2 years bigger than me because i really loved her and she loved me but the fact was she was a junior and i was freshman and she could get other senior guys but after a month when she was starting to go with other guys not on dates but flurting so i gave her up but now i got an even better girlfriend and she is single so my point is love someone with all your heart if you think that is right, my advise is dont think with your brain think with the heart, the heart is smarter even if it has breakdowns.

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you can love them with all your heart, you just shouldnt show them that if they dont return it in equal ammount...

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Everyone has some valid points here. The biggest key to any relationship no matter how you feel about the person is communication. Without communication you really have no future. If you ca not talk to each other about how you feel or when somethinig is bothering you then its not going to last forever. Its really a good idea to be freinds first with someone because that will build a solid foundation to grow your relationship. If you learn how to communicate in that stage you are well on your way to a good relationship. Its also very important to know before you decide to be in a dating relationship what the other person wants in the relationship. If you don't communicate these things one or both of you may be hurt.

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thanks for mentionin that.. my friend sarah is goin through the same thing.. she absolutely loves her man but she is soO clinging and its is obvious that he is losing interest (he used to be crazy bout her but now he doesnt want to hang around with her and she ends up looking for him durin lunch and break; i basically have to drag him to her) She needs to keep him wantin more but she aint listenin to me.. he is perfect for her and i no if she trues this imformation their relationship will get better. thanks for this by the way

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That is very true.
my girlfriend of 6 months and I have been very good because mostly I try to keep things pretty equal emotionally and physically. Kudos!

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Keeping a good relationship needs lot of efforts and time, its not just wanting something but it is more on working for something...There is no such thing like a perfect relationship, because every relationship undergoes lots of trials that results into keeping the relationship stronger or to end it up right away..,

it is not looking or finding the perfect one but to work for it to have a good relationship with the one..,to keep the one in the way you dream of, you got to do some effort, show that feelings you have, be honest,be true to yourself,be loyal and always have communication...You need to hear each sides so there is no time to be bias and blaming each one...

What really is the secret of achieving this good and lasting relationship?well, anyway its really so simple...You must have God in each of you...Always put God in your life,a relationship with God is a guided one...Its more secure and lasting...

-roehn

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