Partiality By Parents (between Son And Daughter) - pampering and partiality by mother / father

Hey,

This is actually a topic that I wanted to get out of my system from a long time....It's about mothers and their fascinations to worship their sons and of pampering and partiality.

I came from a family where I was literally kept on the side while my brother was the god....I mean then he got spoiled and behaved badly but still was treated like a king, Now his wife is suffering because of his bratty nature.

The thing that bugs me is that many times mothers pamper their sons like gods and then get hurt and jealous when the boy gets a girl friend.. Imagine your a girl and you hook up with this really nice guy but then his mom gets all jealous of you because he is spending too much time on you. I mean she might not do anything but it is still bad blood which no man is ever aware of sadly....

I have this friend I know whose brother is pampered like crazy but she is just a member of the family, It has its positives like independence and quicker maturity mentally.....

First the mothers pamper their sons and then when the girls drift away or get weird complexes or get into drugs or something, It is casually blamed on her and she is made miserable even more.... I mean why? When the son is gonna be there with the family but the girl leaves then why make the life of the woman who will be the son's better half in the future hell?

This does not apply to son spoilt and daughter hurt policy....Even sons get battered often like my best friend

Cheers....I finally got it out of my system.

 

 

 

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I think this stems from a very sexist point of view. Men, supposedly, are of great benefit to their families even after getting married. In a stereotypical family, men are the breadwinners, meaning, they are part of the workforce. Should they excel in their respective fields, they bring honor, not only to their own family but also to their own parents.

Women, on the other hand, in a conservative setting, get married off. As housewives, they hardly have a chance to excel. Also, as mothers, they have a tendency to brood over their young, in other words, their loyalty lies, first, in their progeny, before their own parents.

Might I also add that a big factor is the fact that men carry the family name while women's surnames get overwritten by their husband's surnames

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Well, in my family we don't do this - if any we are taught to value our women more.

But it is annoying and hurtful when a parent values one child more than the other(s). It's sad and it really affects the shunned child in an awful way.

I would have to say what decides this is the type of culture you're in and the way your parents and you were/are brought up.

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Hey,

I was the shunned child my whole life time and my bro was loved and cherished and now he is living of fmy parents and earning a bit through odd jobs. The day I had left my house to live separate and work, they suddenly felt the love for their child and started to yell at me about how I did not belong to the family and that I was "betraying them" I wonder how that happened .

I was blamed for everything all my life and I still dont hate them or blame them for they taught me to live alone and independent....Though their method was accidental and not preferable.....

I now live a really happy life with my boyfriend and 6 pets including me and my boy

Thanks for listening.....

Cheers

 

 

 

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In my family it was just two boys, my mom didn't really pamper us though. We do get quite a bit of support and freebies from our parents, but we aren't pampered either. I think I grew up to be a very good man and I'm glad of the way my parents raised me; though I don't plan on getting married for quite some time, I don't think I'll be a bad husband.

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I see this happen a lot. Now i have a couple theories on why. But i'll get to them in a second, my friend has a brother and he is constantly doing stupid/bad things, and yet he gets away with them.

Now my friend does something, or the same thing and she gets in trouble. Now, i wouldn't consider this sexist exactly, because heres where it becomes a little more clear as to why this occurs: It's quite obvious that my friends mom didn't want a second baby, (it's been said by people who knew her before she conceived my friend, and even she has lightly admitted to it.) as her husband did, so it was a silent agreement that the mom would take care of the son, and the dad would take care of the daughter. What this means, is they will handle how they get treated when they get in trouble, now my friends mom is really easy going about how things get ran, where as her dad is more stern, so basically my friend, who happens to be the second child, just got the crap deal, and i don't think it would have mattered if she was a girl or a boy.

At the same time, i find it common in both parents, to favor one gender over the other. I think it has to do with being the only person in their life, like the main opposite gendered person. So naturally a lot of dads feel threatened when their daughter brings home another guy, just as a mom feels threatened when her son brings home a girl. They both feel their spotlight is being taken away, however they tend to not feel like the same about their kids who are of the same gender. Which is why you see so many dads being okay their sons going off and dating a bunch of chicks, many would see that as being sexist, but seriously moms do the SAME thing when it comes to their daughters, maybe they aren't encouraging it like you see fathers, but they aren't saying anything, which means they support it.

Now i don't want to make you feel worthless by saying this, but it just is another thought about the situation. Parents do not love their children equally, they may love them in different ways for different reasons, but i can honestly say i don't feel that they love their children equally. There may be something that prevents your mom from thinking higher of you, maybe you remind her of herself when she was younger, or a part of her that she doesn't like about herself. Maybe theres things you do she doesn't agree with. What i'm trying to say is maybe she just doesn't love you as much as your brother, regardless of his gender. There is an another possibility, maybe she doesn't expect much from you, she assumes you don't need the same comfort and spoiling as your brother. Parents can be really stupid sometimes, and they assume because a child doesn't show their craving for support, spoiling, or any other kind of need, that they don't want it. Maybe you should just confront her about it.

In my family theres there is only 2 boys and then 4 sisters, my mother has ALWAYS treated us all differently. For example, i cannot honestly remember a time that my mother treated me like a worthy human being. I don't know if it was because she always knew i was gay, or because she didn't like my father...she just never treated me as nicely as she treated my other siblings. She also hardly treated my brother very well either, nor my second youngest sister. It is horrible, and it sucks but what can you do about it? People aren't perfect, and neither are parents.

Maybe you should confront your mom. Do something most people are afraid to do. Because honestly i think almost every sibling, has dealt with something like that. Whether they felt too smothered, because their parents never give any attention to the other sibling (it happens, some siblings HATE seeing their other sibling not get enough attention, then theres some who don't even notice.) Or because they aren't getting enough attention. Theres so many issues with not being an only child, but at least we all can relate?

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Well look at the Japanese and especially the Chinese cultures the first child especially if it is a son gets the most attention and the perks and if anyone been paying attention to New from China about the ratio of men to women I believe it was like 15-20:1 because of the fact that chinese couples prefer sons as a first child then a daughter. Of course when you see a lot of parents adopt it's mostly Chinese girls because of the fact some parents didn't want them. I am not saying all Chinese parents are like that, but of course theirs that 2 child rule that everyone follows as well, which I think is cruel especially for a society that prefere sons over daughters.

With Japan its not as bad but if you all remember the fact that the emperor had no sons and 2 daughters, the Japanese government have been battle it out to see if they would allow a Woman to become empress of Japan. If my memory servers me correctly there have been only 2 empress's in all of Japans history. Of course that all change when a second wife (if you want to call it that) gave birth to a son, so that matter was finished once it happen. Now I haven't heard much about since then (fall of last year).

But was mention earlier in some post about parents hating their kids because they didn't want them is not uncommon either of course some decide to give up the child which is a good healthy thing but other will treat them badly and or in most severe cases beat or kill their children. But I have heard to many cases in the last 5 years or so about that happen; however, it still could happen because most of the time no one outside the family knows about it.

Either way if don't want kids do the simple thing and get your tubes tied, but with the cultural thing thats hard to break a tradition thats been going on for a very long time so it would hard to change peoples views on that, so I can't really give an opinion on that.

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Wow I have never even looked at people or boys and their moms like this, but after reading most of what you all posted I really see alot of that.. I have noticed it especially with the ones who play the sports and the moms are there, caterring to their needs, and this here just might explain one situation with someone I know,

He recently just started talking to girl and the mom like gives her a nasty look always gives her attitude, and ofcourse tells him that he doesnt need a girl and other junk..

I think these moms are obsessed and in this case i think there is something sick withthis lady, tho she is a single parent, and i dont know if its something that was caused by the dad not beiong there so she doesnt want to be feeling like shes unwanted again. and maybe she feels like she needs to do what she has to to keep her boy.. as much as possible.

either way, i see this alot but i never really noticed it, or actually cared to look into it or pay attention to it, but now that its brought up here, i tend to notice it a bit more..

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I know how that is...Somehow Mothers think that every chick their son dates is a slut and she "Bewitched" her son.....My ex boy friends mother thought that atleast.. And that too It happened because I made her boy do his own stuff and was "blunt"......

We broke up because of her..Her son has no backbone though. He never used his brains.....Thought whatever she said was right and the whole world wrong.Now that loser is in a lot of debts because of bad advice from his mom...

I too was an unplanned and unwanted child and the only reason my mom did not get me aborted was because my granny stopped her.......

Cheers

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well its goods to hear that ypou are here,..

and that had to have sucked, having a boyfriend with a mom likre that. In most cases you really dont see that especially from the boys side of it. it usually the other way around with the girls mom or parents talking bad about the guy..

either way sucks to be him too, cause a guy like that who cant think for himself and im sure he always relies on his mom has got to suck too..

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