My New Song - Feedback please !!!

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Read Latest Entries..: (Post #22) by zerogravity on Aug 13 2006, 09:46 AM. (Line Breaks Removed)
wow!brilliant!inspirational!amazing! really loved it!yo! i'm into writing rap too.i've just started though.hoe do you write rap like that? i reaally want to know.
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Open Discussion > The Real World > Creativity Forum (Poems, Lyrics, songs)

My New Song - Feedback please !!!

stevenufc291088
Loyalty Beyond Recognition

(Verse)
The fear of the end is what we fear today
We know it’s coming but we stay scared anyway
We can’t stop it
There’s nothing we can do or can say
But if we pray
Maybe time till the end will delay
But if someone’s life depended solely on yours
We you turn off the lights
And would you close all the doors
If that someone was someone you really cared for
Would you give them their life
And sacrifice yours
It’s not a decision that many of us have to make
But I doubt there’s many people out there willing to take
Their own life for the chance that someone else could survive
Cos by the time they made up their mind
I doubt they’re alive
But if you did they probably wouldn’t recognise
The loyalty behind it all it ain’t clear in their eyes
Or their mind
But given time
I think you will find
We only see what we want to see
But most of us can’t be what we want to be
Cos that’s the definition of perfection
Tell me, what do you see when you look in your reflection
Hopefully not a lie
But not the truth
The truth hurts too much, it damages the youth
And there’s proof
Loyalty without praise is better than with
Although it’s nice to take, I assure it’s better to give
So if there’s someone out there you really care for
And you were loyal to them but they just seem to ignore
Don’t take heed from that
Give yourself a pat on the back
Cos you can feel proud and no-one can take away that

(Chorus)
Loyalty beyond recognition
If you take their guns away who’s gonna miss ‘em
Protecting their sons all day while they listen
As we become one and say that we wish ‘em
Loyalty beyond recognition
If you take their guns away who’s gonna miss ‘em
Protecting their sons all day while they listen
As we become one and say that we wish ‘em
Loyalty beyond recognition

(Verse)
That’s what we wish ‘em
Don’t let their sons and guns become one
That’s the tuition
The superstition
That crossing on the stairs brings bad luck
Is it true?
Well give it a try and see if your face get f****d up
And if it does who’s to say it was even linked
For all we know it’s a coincidence
Stop and think
Do these, superstitious myths even matter
Should we, watch out in case we walk under a ladder
Well I broke a mirror when I was only five
Yeah I had seven years bad luck but at least I’m still alive
I didn’t realise
That this was just the story of my life
But if I’d had the time, to focus my mind
Maybe I’d of had the courage and strength to cross the line
But I just accepted it
That’s just the way it is
So *BLEEP* the rest of it
But everyday I wish
That we could
Make a change for the better
Together forever
We could rule the world
Never say never
But when I look in your eyes I see a devilish side
The type that creates another level inside
But the feelings I have, they couldn’t be stronger
They build up inside I can’t wait any longer
For the feelings I hate, to escape
The debate, can’t go on any longer
Loyalty creates a bond that couldn’t be stronger
But it can’t be seen that’s the twist to this
Although it may seem this takes the p**s a bit
If you were loyal to someone and they don’t know
The bond becomes bigger ‘til it no longer can grow

(Chorus)
Loyalty beyond recognition
If you take their guns away who’s gonna miss ‘em
Protecting their sons all day while they listen
As we become one and say that we wish ‘em
Loyalty beyond recognition
If you take their guns away who’s gonna miss ‘em
Protecting their sons all day while they listen
As we become one and say that we wish ‘em
Loyalty beyond recognition

(Verse)
Takin’ time out from bein’ the jury for the judge
‘cos I’m sick ‘n’ tired of sending people down for showing love
There’s plenty of people who take the blame of murder
For someone they love, love you couldn’t take any further
Have you heard a
Innocent until proven guilty
That’s bulls**t, ‘cos lies aint the truth you feel me
How can u prove someone’s guilty with lies
If you look in their eyes
You can see it’s just a disguise
But their demise, is done in the name of love
It hurts to see them get locked up like thugs
But at the end of the day
It’s their choice to make
Are they doing the right thing?
That’s an ongoing debate
Now let me demonstrate
And eliminate the feelings of hate
It’s irate by the prison gates
As we sit and wait
While they investigate
They manipulate until they’ve chosen a date
But wait
All the people victimised
You’d be surprised
The amount of times lives left behind
But do you feel or understand what I’m saying to you
‘Cos I need a demonstration of the view I’m portraying to you
At the end of the day you wouldn’t give your life for
But given the chance I hope you’d put up a good fight for me
Rightfully, life might be free
But the anarchy of it all brings me to my knees
So please
When loyalty’s rejected think again
The key is in the lock, so you win, not them

(Chorus)
Loyalty beyond recognition
If you take their guns away who’s gonna miss ‘em
Protecting their sons all day while they listen
As we become one and say that we wish ‘em
Loyalty beyond recognition
If you take their guns away who’s gonna miss ‘em
Protecting their sons all day while they listen
As we become one and say that we wish ‘em
Loyalty beyond recognition







 

 

 


Reply

stevenufc291088
anyone ????????

Reply

CarlU
I am not music writer minded.
the words are great, but I have no idea of the tune.
how long does this song go for??

I thought this song was a religious song until I read the 2nd verse...

Reply

stevenufc291088
lol its not that long bout 4 mins, its rap so the verses are quite long. Thats the trouble although i know the tune no-one else does whilst readin it!

Reply

WarFact
The words are great, in my opinion. Put it together with a good tune and you, my friend, have got yourself a song. However, i'm not a HUGE fan of rap. lol I have nothing against it, but some songs just annoy me to death.

Reply

Sprnknwn
I just thought while reading that it must be a rap. Looks good, but it´s hard to imagine with a rythm. I know that rap is highly based on lyrics but for me music is tune, not only urban poetry. I need to hear something. tongue.gif

Reply

gameratheart
Well I think it's a brilliant rap song, but then I am a fan of the more musical types of rap. You know, the kind that Eminem sings.

I imagine that it has a good tune with it as well. I was just reading that song and a tune kept going through my head... probably not the same one as you intended though...

'cos that the thing, you read the song without knowing what it sounds like, and your brain just makes you imagine what you think the song would be like. And then you never forget that tune. Like riding a bike.

(And yes, that was intentively made to rhyme.)

Reply

nicholi.d
Wow give your peops for the time and effort in it.

Reply

cangor
amazing. simply amazing. I don't like much rap, but your verse is awesome. Congrats!

Reply

aminzzlink
wow awsome , but i think it's near to the slam than rap , isn't it ??

Reply

Latest Entries

zerogravity
wow!brilliant!inspirational!amazing! really loved it!yo! i'm into writing rap too.i've just started though.
hoe do you write rap like that? i reaally want to know.

Reply

Teri Luketic
I thought the words were pretty cool fella.

QUOTE
Loyalty without praise is better than with.


I especially like that part there! How true it is, or at least how it should be.

Reply

confessionalchrissite
I like the structure and how you used your words... smile.gif

Reply

tdktank59
i say you record it and post it here...

dosnt need to be special but enough so we can get the point!

Reply

Julida84
im new here but its realy interesting place smile.gif I hope i will stay here for i while..
little about me... im 21 yers old
and im working heh in viagra shop

Reply



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