I'm still new around here so I don't really know why I'm asking strangers for advice, but ohwell.

So my story begins back at the end of March. I had just been 'kicked' out of a long term relationship and was feeling pretty damn low. My self esteem was almost non existant and my opinion on relationships had hit rock bottom. So I was pretty bad.
However during this time, I met someone. She was great. She was more than great. She was also going through a 'break up' and we both comforted each other and gave one another a shoulder to cry on.
It was a couple of weeks later when she told me how she really did feel about me. She told me that she wanted to be more than friends with me but at the time I couldn't give her that because I was still cut up about my ex. So we just continued as normal with hardly any mention of feelings.
I knew I liked her but I couldn't hide the fact that I was still trying to get over my ex.
So during the time since, I've started to find myself head over heels about this girl. I mean, proper head over heels haha.
I think about her non stop, continuously, 24 hours a day.
But it seems that I left it a little too late as now I think she's no longer interested in me the way she was back in March.

Its heartbreaking, because if I had just gone with my feelings a month ago, once I knew that I liked her, we could be together now. But no, I had to go and be an idiot.

I guess I'm not really asking or searching for advice because I know exactly the kind of moron I've been.
I guess I'm just looking for a new shoulder to cry on...

 

 

 

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well there's nothing wrong about asking, right? and besides, it's just people's opinions, you need not take them seriously if you don't want to.

i can say that you have two options: either you accept things as is, that she might not be the "girl" for you, or you could pursue her and win her back and keep the flame burning. if you do the first option, you have to accept the fact that it's not meant to be. you see, she's also in the same stage as you're on, and she could have thought that her relationship with you was part of the recovering process, that she also needs a shoulder to cry on to (in some people, they try to find someone as a "substitute" to the ex as a defense mechanism for the failed relationship. i'm not saying your case is such, i'm just saying there are some people who do that so they could forget their exes.). anyway, if she felt like this maybe she realized that her failed relationship must have affected her judgment. that part would be a bit hard to accept especially if you thought her intentions were true, that you thought her feelings were true. but you can't blame her for that. like what i said, she's on the same stage as you're on.

now, there's another option you could do. in the case the previous is true, you still have a chance to "re-light the fire", that is, if you feel like she still has feelings for you. you could continue pursuing her. now this is a bit difficult, since she might think you're still not over your ex (i think that's probably one of the reasons why she acts that way, she's thinking maybe you're not yet over your issues, that's why she wants you to finish the problems first). she could also question your sincerity because of that. in the case you're really sure you're over your ex, and you're ready to move on, then it's a green light for you.

in either case, you don't have to blame yourself saying how "pathetic" you are that you should have said "yes" before. you're in a stage of your life that your heart is still healing and you're still not over your ex. if she loves you, she should understand that, and if she REALLY loves you, she would be there to be the "shoulder you could cry on". in either case, you must take note that friendship is the best way to start a great relationship. you need not take things fast, just take it one step at a time. start over, forget the past, your exes. it's up to you if you want to take it up a notch, but i think time would tell if things are heading "that" way.

good luck with your dilemma and i hope things would turn out for the better.

 

 

 

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I just have to say kudos to you for being mature enough to realize that you weren't emotionally ready for a relationship so soon after a break-up. Too often have I seen my friends rush into a "rebound" relationship and soon regretted it or had problems because they still had an attachment to their exes. Or they've been the rebound girl and had problems from that end. One of my friends, who somehow always seems to be the rebound girl, calls me all the time. She worries that he's thinking about his ex when they kiss or that he'll drop her in a second if his ex wants him back. She's always competing with the ex, even if that girl is completely out of the picture.
If you love her as much as you say you do, then the only thing to do is give her the love and respect that she gave you when she told you how she felt. Let her process through her emotions. If she's not ready for a relationship with you, then respect her decision but stand by her as a friend, like she did for you. Just don't let her forget how you feel or you'll get stuck in the friend zone.
You can also go the old-fashioned way and send her flowers and candy. Don't ask for commitment, just a date. One little date where you can go all out and do everything that she loves to do. Make the day all about her and show her how much more enjoyable it is to spend her time with you. Let her know that you see her as the person she is and not as a replacement for your ex. Don't talk about yourself or your ex or her ex. In fact, don't even think about your ex, just focus on this girl.

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Thank you for your replies.
Its quite a tender subject at the moment and I think I won't pursue it any further. We've had a great friendship thus far and although it hurts like hell to be just friends, I think ultimately its what we're good at. I can't jeopardise what we've got. Not for my own selfish gain.
I'll always stand by her, I'll alway be there for her and she knows this. I think that is the best path to take.

But while I say all this, it still grieves me to know that what I want, I cannot have.

I guess I have just got to keep my chin up and move on.

But damn does it hurt.

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Sorry, we don't give out shoulders to cry on in the "dating Advice" forum. We do however tell you to look at the brighter side of life, and which fact you still have her as a friend, If you "know" you like her so much, then stop being such a moron and go give her a call and arrange to do something fun and romantic and tell her how you feel.

She also went through a break up, and is more then likily to understand how you were feeling, she may have also lost some feelings for you since your weren't ready, but if your as close as your making out to be, then she'll be jumping for joy loving you sooner then you can imagine. If she has lost total interest in you all together anyway, was is a bad thing you turned her down then? (Could have lost interest in the relationship, and you have another break up to deal with).

If you treat her good, look after her all time round, and you tell her how you feel and are %100 rejected by her, then come back and we may give you a shoulder, until then, you have nothing new to cry about until you know for fact she no longer likes you. Now go get the phone!

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Hey there, just wanted to stop by and leave my two cents or so. You seem like a nice guy and I'm very sorry for what happened.



You know some peopel find it easier to talk to people they don't know or have never met before rather than someone they are close to. So it's natural nothing to worry about! As for the situation. Like other people said before you should remain the way you are and try to see what happens. Though I find it a little strange to feel differently as "quick" as she did. Though you never know and the definition of quick can be thought of differently by different people. I just feel that if she did care deeply about you than they would possibly have lasted longer. That is not saying she doesn't, perhaps she still does. Just be nice to her and hang with her, maybe she'll re-realize she likes you xD!

Stay positive, even whenit seems like relationships have hit rock bottom they haven't. They are simply going through a dip. Life's a fairy tale I say. And when you hit a rough spot it is simply the plot making a twist. Up to you, the hero of the story to change it and make it better!

-Jester

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Again, I thank you all for the replies. I'm pretty damn emotional about it all at the moment and it seems like we will never be together the way I want us to be.
So my only option now is to move on. Its going to be damn hard as I'm too sensitive for my own good, but I'm going to have to give it my best shot.
I think right now, I'm more upset with myself for not pushing things further back when she liked me and now thats something I have to live with. Thats been real hard dealing with and even thinking about it makes it that much worse.

I suppose all is not lost though, I still have her as a close friend and even though its painful to be near her with these feelings I have, nothing anyone can do can change the way things are now.

And that really does suck.

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It's only been a month. Feelings aren't supposed to just 'go away'. It's very possible that your friendship with the girl was a convience, like you said, you 'cried on each others shoulders'. Even given, what's the harm of checking to see if the feelings are still there? I'd think they would be at least a little bit, unless she has been swept off of her feet by someone else. Don't get down on yourself. Theres many, many, many fish in the sea.

Cheer up!

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Well love, here's the deal, you're not a stupid moron, you are a person who is healing from heartbreak, and waiting like you did is respectful both to yourself and the girl you like. I don't seee any reason why she would not still like you. Just explain to her that you had feelings for her when she did ask, and that you were NOT rejecting her, you wanted to give her all of you not part of you and everything will be fine. If she is no longer interested, thats fine, you have made yourself a true friend, who is there when you're down and everyone needs a friend like that:) Either way it's all good. Congradulations for being such a REAL man about it, and being truthful about your feelings:) It's usually easier to lie & jump right in without thinking, but waiting shows how responsible you are. Good for you:)
Ps the strangers on trap17 are more like brothers & sisters who love giving advice:)

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you could cry on my shoulder.

i too am also going through this experience

about a week ago my girlfriend of which i have been going out with for 2 years dumped me!! i cried for about a day and now i can't stop thinking about her

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