A rich American tourist was holidaying in Rome, and was intent on seeing the Pope. There he stood, in a big long line with a rather expensive suit on, hoping the Pope would notice how smart he was and perhaps talk a few words with him.
As the Pope made his way slowly down the line, he walked right past the American, hardly even noticing him.
The Pope then stopped next to a low-life sot, leaned over and whispered something in the sot's ear, and made his way on again.
This really angered the American. After speaking with the drunkard, the American agreed to pay $1000 dollars to exchange clothing, in the hope that the Pope would speak to him the next day.
The next morning the American stood in the line, waiting to see the Pope and hopefully exchange a few words. The Pope was making his way slowly up to the American. When he finally reached him, he leaned over to the American and spoke softly into his ear..
"I thought I told you yesterday to get the f**k out of here."
WELL DID YOU LIKE IT
Notice from cmatcmextra:
I, like BH, dislike your joke too. You copied it from:
No. Using expletive words to reveal your punch line is never tolerated in this forum. You have given a fair warning. Your next attempt to post in the wrong forum or disobeying our forum rules you will be issued with warning.
Once a girl is quite fantasized about "69". She has a regular boyfriend they have never done it
before. One day she invites her boyfriend to her apartment for romantic dinner. After heavy
dinner, she tells him that she wants to do "69". But the Boyfriend doesn't have any idea about
what is 69. Girlfriend gets upset but thinks that she can teach him how to do 69. she asks him
to lay down...and she then lays on top of him in reverse direction so as in 69. The boyfriend is
confused but is eager to know about 69. so he does as the GF tells...
one mother said to her boy buy for my 4 coka colas the boy is now in the shop he sees regulaer calas
at 5$ and super colas at 1$ his mother gived him 24$ he got an idia in his mind: "i buy 4 regular
colas for my mother and 4 super for me and my mother wont suspect me" he bougt 4 and 4 in the way he
opened the forst super cola and drunk it sudenly he starten to say:"lalalalalala..." in the way he
opened the twoned super cola and drunk it now he says:"lala aic aic lala aic aic.." in the way he
opened the thired super cola and drunk it now he says:"lala aic aic"*doing bad s...
The English And Scotish Dream An english man and a scotish man are driving down a
winding road in the dark. Suddenly they crash, but by a miracle non of them are hurt but their cars
are written off. They both get out their cars, walk to each other and say "Listen, lets put all this
behind us, lets live in peace, the english and scotish" After this, the scotish man goes to his car
boot and pulls out a 12 year old bottle of whisky and offers the english man a drink, he drinks half
and offers the scotish a drink, her replys "No thanks ill wait till the police ...
QUOTE A beautiful Madam was having trouble with one of her students in 1st Grade class.
Madam asked, "Boy. What is your problem?" Boy answered, "I'm too smart for the
first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in
the 4th Grade!" Madam had enough. She took the Boy to the principal's office.
While the Boy waited in the outer office, madam explained to the principal what the situation was.
The principal told Madam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer a...
Funny Mail I got.. :-) QUOTE Sardarji's Mom's Letter Dear banta Vahe
Guru ! I am in a well here and hoping you are in the same well there. I'm writing this
letter slowly, because I know you cannot read fast. We don't live where we did when you
left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from home, so we
moved 20 miles. I wont be able to send the address as the last Sardar who stayed here took
the house numbers with them for their new house so they would not have to change their a...
Read the whole thing. This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the Michigan
Department of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan. This guy's response is hilarious, but
read the State's letter before you get to the response letter (This is the State's
Letter!) QUOTE SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County Dear Mr.
DeVries: It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been
recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been ...
http://www.petitiononline.com/mod_perl/signed.cgi?trapban we need as many signatures as possible
these people are menace to society. Editors not-we are not actually banning these people, this is
why this topic is under the joke section...
/tongue.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":P" border="0" alt="tongue.gif" /> ...welll..is
it gonna happen , iam sure it will /biggrin.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":D"
border="0" alt="biggrin.gif" /> Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your..."
Customer: "Hi, I'd like to order." Operator: "May I have your NIDN first, sir?" Customer: "My
National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it's 6102049998-45-54610." Operator: "Thank you, Mr.
Sheehan. I see you live at 1742 Meadowland Drive, and the phone number's 494-2366. You...
TAE A FERT This poem is appropriate for reading to an audience shortly after they have eaten the
haggis - you will need an audience with a sense of humour! Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie Lurks
in yer belly efter the feastie Just as ye sit doon among yer kin There sterts to stir an enormous
wind. The neeps and tatties and mushy peas Stert workin like a gentle breeze But soon the puddin wi
the sauncie face Will have ye blawin’ all ower the place. Nae matter whit the hell ye dae A’bodys
gonnae have tae pay Even if ye try to stifle, It’s like a bullet oot a rifle. H...
QUOTE Dear Tech Support: Last Year i upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed
that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of valueable space and
resources. The new program also seems to need more and better system specs every month. Wife 1.0
installed it self into all other programs and now moniters all other system activity. Applications
such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5 and Racing 3.6 are automatically
blocked and when tried to open the system shuts down. I cant seem to keep Wife 1.0 in t...
once upon a time .... Little Johnny was 7 years old and like other boys his age rather curious.He
had been hearing quite a bit about 'courting' from the older boys, and he wondered what it
was and how it was done. One day he took his question to his mother, who became rather flustered.
Instead of explaining things to Johnny,she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch
his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did. The following morning, Johnny described
EVERYTHING to his mother. " 'Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while...
How many group posters does it take to change a light bulb? 1 to change the light bulb and to post
that the light bulb has been changed 14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and
how the light bulb could have been changed differently 7 to caution about the dangers of changing
light bulbs 27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs 53 to
flame the spell checkers 41 to correct spelling/grammar flames 6 to argue over whether it's
"lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as anal-retentiv...
A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring. He replies: "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want
to offend you." She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and
have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm
sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive." "Well, I've
always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me." She responds, "Well, let's see...
A guy called Steve dies and goes to heaven. He is stood at the pearly gate and recieved a harp and a
halo off St. Patrick. He enters heaven and sees many other people with harps and halos, but one man
had something diffrent. He had a keg of beer and a gorgeous naked woman with him. Steve was furious,
all he got was a harp and a halo. So steve visits St. Patrick complaining about the man. St. Patrick
reassures Steve and tells him this man is being punished. Steve cant believe what he is hearing, how
is that a punishment? St. Patrick explains, Well the beer barrel has a ho...
i got online and looked for jokes. anyway i found this one. A state trooper pulls over a car
speedind and the female driver says "i guess you want to sell me some tickets to the troopers ball?"
the trooper responded, "troopers don't have balls ma'am". after he realized what he said he
walked back to his car and drove away....
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but
they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a and fell
in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, she'll never go
through with the marriage with me carrying on like this, so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave
up beans. Shortly after that they were married. A few months later, on his birthday and on the way
home from work, his car broke down. Since they lived in the country, he called h...
Hey guys. I'm sorry for my immaturity at that joke. I am sorry for my bad behavior. I
didin't mean to wast Forum quality. I wasn't thinking at that time. Sorry. -NovaTerra...
The following is from http://jokes.christiansunite.com/Hypocrite...Have_Done.shtml I've seen
it elsewhere too and couldn't find the site and just did a search on it, I'm not sure where
it originated though QUOTE The two thousand member church was filled to overflowing capacity
one Sunday morning. The preacher was ready to start the sermon when two men, dressed in long black
coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church. One of the two men walked
to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. Th...
Thought I'd mention a couple of communities in livejournal that always have lots of jokes.
(I'm also the member of another couple of similar communities, but they're more mature, so
didn't wanna get in trouble by posting about them here.) Jokes Joke XChange They're
really funny sometimes, and I try and post in them when I get something....
Weird Joke...
- Your engine is making allot of noise... (0)
A man comes up to his neighbour while he is fixing his car. The car is obviously broken, and
it's engine sounds like WW2. 1: Your engine is making allot of noise buddy! 2: What?! 1: I
said: Your engine is making allot of noise! 2: Whaaaaaaaat?! 1: Your engineeee is making allot of
noiseeeeee! 2: Whaaaaaaaaaaaat??!! 1: I SAID: Your engine is making a hell of allot of noise! 2:
WHAAAAAAAT???!!! Speak up I can't hear you! My engine is making allot of noise!...
There is a three-year old little girl named Lilly in my appartment, who has a really lovely looking.
Everyone in this building love her, including my two-year old boy. One day, my little boy was ill
at home, we tried to make him eat some medicine. He kept throwing them away. Then I said "baby, this
is the candy Lilly left for you," before I finishing my sentence, he quickly took it and turned to
his dad, said " Dad, this is the love power!" I am sweating /ohmy.gif' border='0'
style='vertical-align:middle' alt='ohmy.gif' /> ...
A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After
he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare
another double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders
the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring
ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before
you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. W...
Q. Did you hear about the new blonde paint? A. It's not real bright, but its cheap, and spreads
easy. Q. What did the blonde’s left leg say to her right leg? A. Between the two of us, we can make
a lot of money. Q. How does a blonde part their hair? A. By doing the splits. Q. What did the
blondes right leg say to the left leg? A. Nothing, they haven't met! Q. Why do blondes wash
their hair in the sink? A. Because that's where your supposed to wash vegetables. Q. What's
a blondes favorite nursery rhyme? A. Humpme Dumpme Q. Why did the blonde like the...
One very interesting joke: 3 Wishes A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an
island. One day, the three of them are walking along the beach and discover a magic lamp. They rub
and rub, and sure enough, out pops a genie. The genie says, "Since I can only grant three wishes,
you may each have one." The brunette says, "I've been stuck here for years. I miss my family,
my husband, and my life. I just want to go home." POOF! The brunette gets her wish and she is
returned to her family. Then, the red head says, "I've been stuck here for years ...
Spme nun was saying that she was raped, and was completely freaking out about it. So she goes to
Mother Superior, and says, "Mother Superior. I've been raped, and I don't know what to do.
Can you please help." "Of course my child. I will gladly offer my advice. The first thing you need
to do is suck on a lemon." "Will that prevent me from getting pregnant?" "No. But it will wipe
that smile of your face."...
Ali G's sister is pregnent but lands up in a coma after a terrible accident. 6 months passes
and she wakes up, she sees she's not pregnent anymore and panics asking the doctor "What happend
to my child?" The doctor says don't worry, you had twins- a boy and a girl, your brother came
in and named them. Ali G's sister then says "What!? My brother, I can't believe that,
he's an idiot! What did he name them?" Expecting the worse the doctor says to her, "He named
the girl Denise" Amazed Ali G's sister says, "Wow, Denise, that's not bad at...
