Arsenal - Eboue has been very poor on the few occasions I have seen Arsenal play.
Aston Villa - Wilfred Bouma? Like I say, I haven't seen much of Villa this campaign. Bouma always seems as if he may be playing at too high a level.
Birmingham - I must plump for Liam Ridgewell. Just does not strike me as a Premier League defender (let alone captain!) and makes a hell of a lot of costly errors.
Blackburn - Morten Gamst Pedersen. Compared to his previous seasons at Blackburn he has been found wanting this season, and his main trademark (goals from midfield) has vanished until up to now.
Bolton - Kevin Davies. Does a job but has very little footballing ability.
Chelsea - Personally I must admit I am very glad that us (United) did not end up signing this Nigerian international (how he is I have no idea). I do not rate him one ounce.
Derby - Robert Earnshaw is simply not a Premier League standard striker. Everyone must agree with me; surely!
Everton - I know he has scored a bag full of goals for a defensive player but Joleon Lescott does not strike me as being Premier League quality. Very slow and takes a lot of time on the ball, dwells if you like.
Fulham - Danny Murphy. When he was at Liverpool he was certainly a good player and most renowned for scoring three winners at Old Trafford in four seasons, all in one-nil wins if my memory (admittedly fading) doesn't lie. However, since leaving Liverpool he hasn't got back to that level he was at, and this season the few times I have watched Fulham he has been average at best.
Liverpool - Fernando Torres..... I'm only pulling your leg! John Arne Riise used to be one of Europe's top left backs, but now he is very much off the pace at times and even his greatest weapon has disappeared - those left foot piledrivers.
Man. City - Rolando Bianchi? Before he left for Lazio he was unable to live up to his billing and failed to produce in his short stay at the club.
Man. United - The one team I have seen in most of their games of course! Will volunteer (Ha Ha) Ryan Giggs. A legend in Manchester - or the Red side anyway - no doubt but not as good as he once was. Slows down our attacks at times, too often for me anyway.
Middlesbrough - Fabio Rochemback. Supposed to be Brazilian but plays more like an Englishman! (I hope you get that snipey shot) That's all I'll say, very un-impressed by the boy.
Newcastle - Smudge; a ka Smithy. Legend at United but simply has not taken his United form over to Tyneside. Certainly expected more from the lad.
Portsmouth - Personally will say Muntari. Hyped up before his move but more known by me for his dirty streak than his footballing ability.
Reading - Kevin Doyle, after the debut season he had here has been extremely disappointing, yet an Irish colleague at work is of the opinion he is still good! I personally haven't seen much from him to be impressed by/with.
Sunderland - Craig Gordon was hyped up like Muntari and, although his price tag would inevitably put alot of pressure on his hands and gloves, you cannot deny you expected a better debut season in England. Possibly next year he will prove me wrong, but a bad signing by Keano I think.
Tottenham - Didier Zokora. The lad has zero composure, has a few good runs but average at best for this level.
West Ham United - Will plump for the big man - Dean Ashton. Very uninspiring since returning from injury, big reputation but has failed to deliver in my opinion.
Wigan - Titus Bramble. Who can say they are surprised? Typically poor!
Go on then, tell me where to go

