Thanks a lot, that's similar to what I was thinking. Now, however, things are a bit different. The same night, she told me she no longer wanted to be 'together' anymore just friends. Which, with an internet relationship with no outside contact, really isn't all that much different, yet at the same time, there are WORLDS of difference. Yesterday, the day after the event, and even during the actual breakup, we were able to really talk again, it really almost seemed normal. But at the same time, she has said that she doesn't think we'll ever even get together, in 3 years or 10... As to why, I'm not really sure, I don't really think her feelings are gone, and, there were no fights or infidelities. However, I know I failed on trust and jealousy issues, said a couple things that should never have been said... For instance, she got on Skype the other day for the first time in about a week, and I was like o.o, and callllled. The call was refused, and she said maybe later. And I realized she had gotten on to talk to another friend, one who also hadn't been on much. I then made the silly comment, "Oh, I didn't realize Sarah was online" (Name changed to protect, etc etc) Other times in the past, I've done other things like when she takes a long time to respond, "I guess you're distracted, go ahead, talk to other people, that's a good thing" since she tends to isolate herself socially. She said she wasn't talking to anyone, and then I took a small snippet a friend had pasted just for discussion in an online chat, and said, actually, I know you're talking. I later found out that it had only been a small thing briefly, brief enough that it was fairly not really talking. Now that event was a long time ago, but I can't help but feel guilty...
Finally, the other day, we exchanged slightly revealing pictures of each other. Nothing explicit, less than you probably see on TV everyday. We've talked extensively, and we agreed that a sexual aspect of our relationship if it ever comes to being together, will come as it comes, she feels uncomfortable with it, and to be honest, I'm at very least a bit nervous too, though, if I'd ever share it with anyone, it would be with her. I view it more as a way to make her happy, than for my own pleasure, though, I believe I would find a considerable amount of pleasure as well, but, if she's not comfortable with it... She truly means the world to me, the lack of sexual relations wouldn't be a sacrifice. I really regret that day though, exchanging the pictures I mean, because really, that's not what's important to me in the relationship, and I believe that may have been what killed it. On that note, I've offered to delete the picture if she feels uncomfortable with it, I mean, she's more important to me than any picture, and to be honest, I haven't even really looked at the picture, it's not what's important to me and it feels hollow, since it doesn't give HER pleasure... Her laugh, her smile, that's what means the world to me...
It really isn't that I don't trust her, and I really do want her to have a life, but another part of me just wants to talk ALL the time, even though we talk a LOT as is...
I asked her why she wanted to end it, she said she really didn't know, she had just started thinking about it the last four days, and made the decision.
We talked a long time, I accepted the proposition of just being friends, asking her to leave the door open... (Now I think that might have been a rather foolish thing to say, as she either has the door open or doesn't, my asking probably only having a minor effect at best)
I also started helping her with a computer issue, which we didn't end up completing and agreed to finish the next day. And the energy that had been missing in our conversation was just back.
Now, every thing I've read suggests that it is ABSOLUTELY necessary to wait before contacting her again if I want to get back together, which, really, there's nothing I want more. But, I was stuck having promised to finish helping her again, so, we talked again, again really having a very good conversation till the wee hours of the morning.
I hoped that with our conversation reemerging, she might change her mind... I hadn't slept much the night before, I just woke up after two hours and couldn't sleep, so, during this conversation, despite usually staying up till 5-6 in the morning, I was getting tired around 3:00. I mentioned that I was tired, so I would probably go to sleep early, having had trouble sleeping the night before. Though, I ended up staying on anyway, since I just really wanted to talk to her. I don't know if that in and of itself may have been a mistake. But anyway, she apologized for the sleep issue, but, unsurprisingly made no indication that she had changed anything.
Anyway, most stuff I read online from people says "Wait 30 days, or at least several weeks, before talking again," but, very few, if any, are similar to this situation, a peaceful break up with a internet relationship and a friendship that is still actively working, on much the same levels as the original relationship. To me, it feels unfair to HER for me to just go off and disappear for thirty days.
So, I have a couple of choices,
A) Go away from chatting for a significant period of time, hoping something will change, but, to me this feels unfair to her, though, to be fair, we've never been apart for more than 24 hours or so in the entire time we've been in the relationship, and if she needs time alone, I certainly want to give it to her.
Talk to her about my feelings now, but I don't want to hurt the relationship by seeming like I'm begging, or get a pity response
C) Let the friendship continue and maybe redevelop into more, and maybe not, things do appear to be going well, but I'm also afraid that she's chafing underneath, though, to be honest, it feels like she's enjoying things too, albeit a bit torn up about having had to break the relationship
My leaning in this position is towards C, but, I really don't know if I'm making a rational decision, or just wanting to talk to her anytime I can.
I appreciate any advice you can give, thanks a lot!
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