Dealing With A Long Term Relationship Break Up - How do I deal with this?

HOW CAN I GET OVER W/ MY 3 1/2 RELATIONSHIP AND NOW THAT WE ARE BESTFRIENDS
Dealing With A Long Term Relationship Break Up

Hi guys needs some help here ;-(... I just end up with my almost 4 years relationship to be exact 3yrs. And 7 months now...But we end up as a bestfriends...Meaning we're going to see each other still and communicate to each other...

I broke his trust to me...But it doesn't mean that I cheated him of course I did not...

My problem is on how can I handle this king od set up that I really do still love him not only as a bestfriend..But for him we wants to us to be like that...I no choice but to agree because I don't to lose my communication with him and I still want to be with him...But I'm thinking when the time comes that he will have his another girl..And I'm still his bestfriend.. I know will feel so much when that time come...I don't know oif this is a right thing to do...

And he told me that he wants to find his self...
I know he cares for me a lot...

I'm a real martir for him...Before our first anniversary came..We have this deal that he will do all the things that he wants and I have no right to disagree...If I want to stay it depends on me...

Then I prefer to stay...And I told him that I'm willing to wait for him until he will have his new girl and that's the time that I will let go of him and give up on him and to our relationship...Now this is for real ..That were bestfriend no committment at all...But the nice thing here is he don't still his new girl...

-reply by Lonelycat

 

 

 

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Breakup after 5.5 years together
Dealing With A Long Term Relationship Break Up

hey

 

I am writing to you from South Africa. I thought I am the only person who has experienced such a thing, until I read your story. I was dating a guy for about the same period, we had also set a wedding date, picked out name for our kids, his family loved me and I was convinced that I would like to grow old with him. I was conviced that he is the one in this lifetime and the next.

 

One day we had a fight, he was in the wrong, he did not apologise and let me leave at 3am in the morning, driving about 250 km to where I lived (we were in a long distance relationship). To say I was shocked is an understatement. We have never spoken since then. I even went to hospital for some health issues recently and I thought he would come to visit me in hospital. He did not even come. Can you believe that.

 

Anyhow I still cry about the relationship sometimes. But I read somewhere that it will take almost 2 years before you can move on from the relationship.

So give yourself time and stop being so hard on yourself.

-reply by mpho

 

 

 

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THE WORLD JES WONT WAIT!!!
Dealing With A Long Term Relationship Break Up

hmmmm your pain is not lost on me...I understand exactly where you are. My relationship lasted 5 years as well and after months of going round and round,I discovered,by acident that he had been cheating on me...Actually his new girl friend sought me out on facebook and pretended to befriend me ,all the while trying to find out if him and I were still together. Long story short, I lost the love of my life jes like that! he went crazy on me ,has insulted me and said all sorts of nasty things to me...The shock of having someone who once loved you say the things and do the things he has done...Is  beyond heart breaking.The pain is real...The hurt unimaginable, the struggle to get thru each day is even worse...However such is life...Try thinking of it this way...Married pipo,who have blended their lives and have had children have gone their separate ways-closure or no closure-the pain is the same.

Life has to go on...Imagine this...He has no remorse over what happened,hes pobably happy with his life and doesnt even think nor care about you...In short he has moved on. You deserve to be happy,you never wronged him nor can you blame him for falling in love...It sucks that he decided to behave the way he did but that was not your fault. If he is an honest and truthful man...With human feelings-then his concious will be his best judge! for now I tell myself its important that I focus on me(my breakup is only 3 months old)...Move on-its not that easy I know but what else is there to do...Accept you're no longer part of each others lives,his now your history...Look foward to what else is out there in store for you! you deserve to smile and be happy

pipo advise us to surround ourselves with the pipo we love and be active...Thats very mportant and crucial...However,other stuff like taling about it when you feel the need-unfortunately this can ge old so you need to surround yourself with pipo who really care and wont tire of your "whinning",apart from that quality time by yourself jes to take time out wit all the pretending you're fine and je sallow what you feel to be,cry if you must  I find it makes me calm,affirm yourself to you...Love yourself appreciate things about you taht you know make youi special and different from any other woman...The most important thoing however ...PRAYER. Do not underestimate what God can do...He created you ,he know how he wired you when it comes to love and so he knows you better than anyone so talk to him.

 

someone once told me...SOMETIMES, REJECTION IS GODS PROTECTION! you might not get it now but one day!

-reply by BEAUTIFUL

 

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i really agree with you
Dealing With A Long Term Relationship Break Up

I think what you said was really sweet, sweet.. Reading all these posts makes me feel better

my boyfriend of 6 years and 4months broke up with me just the day before..He went to a school thats far from here, we were still doing good last time he was home, 4 weeks went by and he was being uncommunicative..Knowing him well I can feel somethings not right..Till I heard from a friend that he has a new gf, his classmate now. When I knew this, he was home.So we talked and he told me he still love me but he changed and that we should just be bestfriends..He said its not about the girl coz she isnt even pretty, but I don't believe him..He couldnt have just dropped our 6year relationship for some ugly girl!!his friends told me how gourgeous the rich girls were from his school..

now I don't know what to do, where to go, and how to start my life all over again..Weve been through alot and I havent thought 4 weeks away from each other is whats only needed to break this relationship. I gave up everything for him, gave up my family, my rich fiance, I lived-in with him together with his family, which I tell you is something thats really hard to deal with, living with the bfs family..I was happy to do all this thinking at last now he has a goal in life, for us for our future, but it ended up all to be for him and all my sacrifices for nothing..Still I cant give him up, I'm going to the city were he is, find a job and be near him, in case there is still another chance for us..I don't know why I'm being so stupid..But as long as he keeps the communication open ill still keep on trying..Help me.

-reply by tears

 

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will I'm in this 6 year relationship it goes bad and it goes good but to me its more bad then good he says really mean things to me that hurts me over and over I keep forgiving him because I been with him so long deep down in my heart I wanna walk away forever but me seeing him move on with another girl will hurt me deeply so thats why I keep holding on I don't wanna be with him at all thats the only thing that holds me back from leaving him we have a son together and if I wish to leave him I still have to see him because of our 1 yr old son I really need some strong advice I'm not a strong person I'm very weak when it comes to him I cant leave him and when I do leave him I come right back thats not what I want I wany to leave him for good I just have to get the strenght to move on with my life someone help me please

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so now what?
Dealing With A Long Term Relationship Break Up

I just ended a 11 year relationship that probably should of never lasted past the first night. I had 2 wonderful children by this man. We lived together the entire 11 years...Besides him going to the pen for 3 years. The relationship was mentally and physicly abusive. I have stayed in it because it just became routine to me and the thought of another man wanting me was just not in my thoughts. He always cheated on me with strippers and was never home. I stood by this man through thick, thicker and thin. He asked me to marry him last christmas. I said yes at first but re-thought the decision I had made and gave him back the ring and told him the engagement was off. I think it all came to a head when a process server came to my home and gave me court papers addressed to HIM for a paternity test on a kid that was 6 months younger than my 7 year old! I can't help to miss him but isn't that what any brain washed woman would say? So now what? I haven't dated in YEARS, let go of all my old friends and now have 2 kids that I NEVER have a babysitter for. How do I get back out in the dating game after being single for almost a entire year? And how long does this damn hurt stay around? Thanks for any input you may have  

-question by Samantha

 

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how do i get over this.
Dealing With A Long Term Relationship Break Up

 I been with my ex for almost 2 and half years we been having on and off relationship everytime he get angry he would avoid me for days and when I get mad he gets mad too. About a month ago he broke up with me saying he doesn't want to be in a relationship anymore. He said he still love me and everything but don't want to be with me anymore. He say we can be friend and I don't want to lose him at all so I chose to be his friend, but here and there we still have sex, I do it only to see him but it hurts me everytime we do it .I found out that he talks to girls and check them out and its makes me cry sometimes thinking that he might be with someone else how do I get over him? how do I get back with him? I don't know what to do I'm so confussed. I'm so broken I think about him everyday. 

-reply by theresa Tran

 

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Dealing with being on a break/time away from each other..Please Help! read it is very interesting
Dealing With A Long Term Relationship Break Up

    Okay so I am 18 yrs old and I have been with this guy for a year now and well I suffer from depression and so at times I can be a bit difficult. But Terry (my boyfriend) has stuck with me through so very much! and for that I am grateful and appreciative. He could have easily left me a long time ago and been like "wow this girl is too much" but no, he never did...He continued 2 stick by my side. This proves to me he loves me unconditionally..He loves me alot! :). Terry is the very first and only boy I have had sex with and so I have a very intimate and close bond with him. But in the past I let my depression take control of me when really, I should have been the one to take control...I acted irrational, insecure, selfish and also needy/desperate (which I know is stupid and unnatractive). And well theres only so much a person can deal with till they have had enough. And enough was deffinately enough for him and well I sourta don't blame him for being fed up. He was always so busy tryna help me with my problems that he forgot about his own. He felt alot of pressure and stress from me :(. I would get mad and start arguing over stupid pitty stuff or assume stuff that wasn't even really true. Ex: "you don't even care about me! if you did u wouldn't hurt me". And alot of the time would say stuff I didn't mean and just said it out of anger.I have alot of regret for the stupid irrational ways I acted and things I said..And I hate myself for it. The day came when Terry told me he wants a good break from me..He said we should go a break so I can work on me and getting better and so he can do him and take care himself. I was devastated and hurt also confused. I would continue to cry and beg for him not to do this..He said its something that needs to be done. He said he still loves me to death and is still here for me and is not trying to find another girl or be with another. He just needed to get himself together (he is 17) and find out who he is..And also he said he still wants me in his life and would like a future with me, but right know he cant. He can't handle the stress and problems of being in a relationship at the time and needs time alone..To gather his thoughts and to just do him for a change. It has been a month and a couple weeks now since we have been on this break and his grades have improved 2 all A's, he has a job, and is spending more time with his family. He calls every now and than and sometimes even stops by. I get soo happy 2 hear from him and it feels so good to be in his arms again and for him to just be in my presence! he seems happy as well. But he fears that I am going to act up the ways I have before yelling, crying and chasing after him and being angry. I have told him many times I will not and have changed..He says yeah I might have changed but he doesnt want to risk finding out and things ending up being the same problems..This is why he only comes around sometimes..Every once in a while.I get upset at him for bringing up the past because its pretty much full of alot of negative things..I wish he could just forget and 4give. We have had sex like twice during our break..But he said it wouldn't change anything and that he doesnt want me to feel like he is just using me. So he told me he isnt going to have sex with me anymore because he doesn't want me to get upset and hurt. He really cares about me and says there is so much more to a relationship than just sex. When I see him he seems emotional like his eyes get teary like he can cry..But he doesn't really say whats on his mind all the way..He seems happy but sad in some kind of way..And well I can't read his mind so this makes me upset :(. When we talk on the phone I end up bringing up how I do not want to be on a break and I miss him so much and it has been too long and I'm tired of hurting. And he says he is sticking to what he has said..I get upset, start to cry and get angry..Than he ends up getting upset and gets off the phone. Which makes me cry..Cause he says he doesn't want me to say the things I have already said over again and doesn't want it to lead to an argument so he gets off the phone. He say's I will talk to you later, love u bri by. And click. He hangs up. I havent said bye yet cause I'm shocked and hurt how when I am not ready to get off the phone or when I am in the middle of talking he interupts and says he has to get off and will talk to me later. He says I already told you what I'm doing and how I feel so why do you keep asking and bringing stuff up?. When he hangs up I start to cry and become full of anger. It feels like he is ignoring me or doesn't care..But really I know he cares. He must be pretty strong. Because I was and could be an emotional wreck cause of this break.I am proud of Terry for being strong and doing well with his time 2 himself..Heis doing alot of positive :) Although I miss him like crazy..I know for certain he isnt doing this 2 find some1 new or to be with some1 else and he has reasured me many times thats not the case..He is doing this for his future and in order to take care of me..In order to take care of some1 else you must learn to take care of yourself. He is an amazing boy! I love him to death. But I guess this is what they "tough love"..And it sucks! lol. I hate feeling needy and would love to just give him his space and worry about me and take care of me but its soo hard! any advice pleasee? Also I hate for him to think of me as being a weak, dependent, needy young woman. I want to show him that I am a beautiful, strong, independent young woman instead. And that I am doing just fine..And taking care of myself. HELP PLEASE!! what should I do??

ps: One thing I also need to learn is how to be strong and let him go when he needs to go and not chase him and act irrational and couse a big stupid scene and imbarass him and well..Myself. I need help. I am in a therapy class called DBT and attend counceling but what else can I do??

 oh and also why do I feel I have to have a man to complete me..This is a sick and bad way of thinking...How can I change it? My father has been out of my life since the age of 5...Could this have something to do with this? and how I act and feel? (my behavior)

-question by Brianna

 

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Love thyself
Dealing With A Long Term Relationship Break Up

My girlfriend broke upwith me after 3 years and had meangingless sex with this guy a week later that she said she liked for ages.  Then two days after that she came and told me about it in my house when she took her stuff and asked if I ever would take her back.  I loved her so much I couldn't be angry, now I realise I actually loved her too much - somuch I fogot to love myself and take care of myself.  Its been 5 months since that happened and we were on and off for about a month then I pulled the plug and we haven't spoken since.  I still think about her alot - too much, that is the only thing I wish I could stop all the thinking.  some days I wonder how I am going to survive without her/someone, some days I feel great.  I guess its mainly just time that will heal any painful feelings you have.  No one deserves to be cheated on, if someone does that to you then they aren't worth it.  try spend time with people you love and learnt o love yourself even better.  

-reply by Matt

 

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Im going through the same:(
Dealing With A Long Term Relationship Break Up

Replying to iGuestHi there...I just read your post and I can relate to your pain. My ex and I broke up a year ago, we had one child together. And he was the only father figure, my now 13 year old from a previous relationship, had. Now my 13 year old is left without a step dad and our 3 year old a part time dad. What hurts the most is that he immediately moved in the neighbor lady and her kid into the home we shared for 10 years. Its like we were replacable and now hes a dad to this new kid! I feel humiliated and pained all day..I cant seem to "get over this". Never have had to be a single mom, and I feel like an awful mom because I cant do it all. Its overwhelming. I just wanted to say hang in there, and that you are not alone Take care Jen

 

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