I have quite the dilema here. Now, I'm going to keep information to an extrme minimum because enough people that I know personally may stumble upon this in a simple Google Search of my Screen Name which I use for just about everything.

First let me start off with this. It's been two years. I have not been around on Trap17 since late 2005. I have come back thanks to some good experiences and memories, but this time, I'm not after free hosting (has a paid for Domain and Unlimited space/bandwidth server now).

Okay, down to the business. An unnamed girl, is 11 years older than me, now, yes I am 17 (to think I was 15 when I last logged in) now, and almost 18, but she is 28, maybe not so happily married, with 2 kids . I'm not going to say where I originally met her, but I now see her (not like SEE see, but just talk to and so on) on a near daily-basis. She is one of the most stunningly beautiful person, and I cannot go an hour without a thought of her slipping into my mind . The problem is, the marrige, the kids, my age, and the fact that I know I can never have what I want . I'm not here to try and get advice on how to move on with her, but with how to get her out of my mind, at least in the way that's there now. This is a somewhat recent advancement in the way these thoughts formulate in my mind. I want to start liking somebody thats more... my age range, and just, more.. well possible. But I'm sure I can handle that myself (perhaps I'll be back later on when we get there), but for now, I just want these thoughts out of my mind. Cheaper the better, remember, I'm 17, not the richest of the kind, so maybe accupunture isn't quite the right path for me.

Now, I'm not about to go tell this person how I feel, because I am pretty muched forced to see this person daily, and I don't want any of this ever getting to her. Also, let me add, once I'm 18, nothing would really stand between, meaning, the being forced to see her daily, is not an student/teacher thing, there are no rules or laws (again, once I'm 18) preventing me from pursuing her, minus the whole married and kids part. I guess that means this is more of a physical attraction, but there are countless parts of her personality that I am attracted to, it's just those things that's the downside.

So, any advice on how to go about this? I mean, if one of you comes up with some elaborate (EDIT: and now that I think about it, legal) plan to get her to ditch her hubby (for the second time I believe) and get real rich and buy a house with her and live happily ever after, then please, enlighten me, it's just I don't think that's ever going to happen.

EDIT: now, almost an hour later, i keep checking, every few minutes or so if someone has replied, and i keep thinking of things i could also say about this. so here goes part deux.

Everytime I see her, it's almost like I want to hug her, for a long time, but I just never see that happening, I don't really see hugging as anything wrong, as I have many "friends that are girls" that hugging is absolutely, just friends-like...-ness. I've seen her cry before, and been there enough to know why... that being her husband and her were having some sort of problems, that apparently has fixed itself, but that, among her 4 year old house having a blown water pipe that was going to be several thousand dollars to fix, the wood floors were quishy when walked on, and the family was getting sick from mold, they had to move out, and rent a place, no pets, so she lost the family dog, and theres just been alot of heartache in her life recently, and perhaps I just want to jump on that, alot of these "friends that are girls" come to me for advice on that kind of stuff and granted they are quite more my age and my experience level applies slightly more to them, I guess I feel the need to help, in any way I can. I offered to help her move, I often buy her drinks (not THOSE drinks) and I'm really starting to think that I would just love to be a shoulder to cry on, but I'm not sure how to get there!!

This post has been edited by CopperZepher: Nov 19 2007, 09:32 AM

hmm...hmm indeed...

i must say that this is a very unusual situation. firstly, why do you see her every day? you say that you are forced to - how is that so?

also, if you know that it is not going to work out, then why do you keep trying to get her attention???

look, im gonna be honest with you, ok? its never going to work out. not when she's married, not when she has kids, and certainly not since you're 11 years younger than her.

sorry mate.

i agree with all but the last part. at first, my curiosity was getting to me. i mean, where do you know her from and why is she hanging around a 17 year old?
if you continue with your thoughts bud, you are setting your own self up for early disaster and heartache. not because you are 11 years younger, but that doesn't make a relationship any much easier either when you aren't even graduated from school

if you pursue a married man/women, that person loses all my respect upfront. that should NEVER happen. she has two kids. well, kids are important. they are #1. they deserve a chance with their parents, not an outsider trying to break up their parents and someone who can never love them the same as their parents.

now, even if she gets a divorce or leaves this man, STAY AWAY! you will be caught in the middle of something you don't want to be in and you might just lose a friendship alltogether when she's forced to choose.

with all that being said, just stay away. if you cared or loved her at all, you would know what the best for her is and it's not a 17 year old with an infatuation and hormones blaing right now. with age, comes experience. she's lived in the real world. you haven't even tasted it yet. there's a lot to experience other than breaking up families. you either need to be there for HER if you can, and if you can't, stay away all together and break all ties or your thoughts will become stronger and you will start acting on your emotions and not your brain

i know you probably didn't want to hear that reply, but i am giving you straight up solid advice. it's not worth it to you, her, her husband, and most importantly the kids if you continue on your path in this thinking!

my general advice is to stay away and drop all connection. let someone else be a shoulder to cry on. the more busy you keep yourself, the less you will have time to think of her. start dating and experience what's out there. there are other people out there with the same qualities and i can almost gaurantee, better qualities for YOU. she may have some, but probably not ALL that will fullfill you in a partner. not once in your letter did i sense a true love coming from you. i also didn't sense a type of soul mate connection. knowing what i sensed, again i say to stay away and keep busy doing other things. get her out of your mind. don't talk to her on the phone, don't go where she's at. if you see her on the street or any other public place, turn and walk away.

that's my advice. what you are suggesting is trouble. you want more. you can't have more. if you try, you will get hurt and possibly hurt a family and especially kids who deserve better than you interupting their lives if you continue on these obsessive thoughts

now i meant no disrespect, but i did want to be firm in my tone because this is serious business and i don't think for one second you know what you're getting in to or the consequences if you continue to pursue even a friendship relationship which sometimes leads to more.....

thank you, both, the advice is hard but its true. on a side note, to both of you, i think only 1 of her kids is from the current husband, the other one I believe is from a previous encounter.

and about me being "forced" to see her, we work at the same place together.

And do capitalize on your advice, how do you suppose I go about finding someone more... for me? I was never really good at that kind of stuff, like ever.

Now, I have absolutely no dating experience, but I do have some ideas that could help your situation. One way you can push her out your mind is to simply do things that please you. Take up a hobby, post on Trap more, make more websites. Do whatever makes you do into a "trance" and try to stop thinking of her. Talk with all of your other friends and try and be very sociable with them. A huge help could be to only see her when ABSOLUTELY REQUIRED. That will help your situation alot. Your situation is very puzzling and quite strange to me. (Of course I'm like 3 years younger than you) Yes, I am younger, but that doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about. Just do what I said and your situation could become much less awkward and just become a regular relationship.

I see what you mean, I would often find myself visiting, just for the sake of visiting. I see her tomorrow, and before I even posted the original post here, I vowed to myself that I would attempt to give her as little, if not none at all, attention tomorrow, I thought she worked today and I was already to do it, but I had to do it anyways. This being just a test to see if I can do it. It's that I'm probably her favorite person at work, everytime she sees me in the morning she always says something like "OHh!! (my name) Is here!!" *big smile*, and I've gotten in trouble from the boss about working too much with her and not much of anyone else. But regardless, I'm going to see if I can do it. I lost probably 5 hours of sleep last night to staring at the wall thinking about her (honestly, thats a first, and not with just her, with any girl, usually its about bad stuff, like me getting caught for doing scandelous things, which, i pretty much dont do anymore, better things to do).

Anyways, I know that there will have to be communication between me and her tomorrow (err, today I guess now..), but I am going to try to keep it to a bare minimum, and only work related. I'll check back with you guys tomorrow about it. And let me say, to all of you, thanks, I mean, deep down, I knew what you had to say, I know you're right, I knew you were right before you even said it, but I just.. it's hard to say, i cant quite make it into words, I mean, just having at least 2 people say the same thing pretty much, is alot better than me trying to figure it out for myself.

Try to involve or engage yourself in something you like.
That will help. else there is a better option move away from that place for goood.

Also. if you really wanted to do something you can do it.

The main issue is not that she is 11 years older than you, but it should be that she is married with 2 kids. In this case, you really must stay away from her. Firstly, she may not reciprocate your feelings, especially if she still has her children to commit to, even if she is unhappy with her husband. Secondly, even if she does reciprocate your feelings, what about the kids? Are you willing to accept them along with her? Will you treat them like your own, if you have further plans with her? What if her kids blame you for her problems with their father since you appeared at this time when they were having problems with their relationship?

You are still young , probably what you are experiencing is puppy love. You won't be able to commit to a complicated relationship. Move on, meet other people, find a new hobby or something. Soon you will get over it. Good luck!

This post has been edited by bishoujo: Nov 20 2007, 03:14 PM