I was approving topics at Trap17 where I have been seeing these replies about breakups of long relationships and couples who are puzzled about What went wrong. I thought about sharing this following opinion which I heard from an Indian Guru.

The relationship between a man and a women usually begins with Attraction. This attraction is charged by usually LUST in the beginning. The Relationship between the couple opens by the Channel of Sex wherein the LUST energy is released.

The Center of Sex/Lust is Love. and slowly this Lust between couples soon starts melting down to Love.

(From this Point, I am assuming the Couple is completely devoted to each other without much EXTERNAL ATTRACTIONS - speaking only relationship wise).

Continuing ahead.. The factor of love thus grows by overpowering lust and the couple start understanding for each other and caring.

The Desire of sex is now quite controlled taking into consideration, each others feelings, emotions etc. due to the GOOD Qualities of LOVE. I.e. Caring & Kindness. And being less Dominant.

Soon This Love grows further and its blossoms into FRIENDSHIP.

This state is the place where couple are more open from inside and spend a VERY VERY VERY LONG time in this stage. Here, Each person tries to know more and deeper about the other persons life. i.e. Trying to understand further. Great Qualities like "Forgiveness", "Adjustments", "Understanding" and even "SACRIFICE" come in picture. It is the stage where couples are trying to GET over their immediate "DOMINATING" reflexes. Usually mentally programming each other for DO's and DONT's. Good Qualities of Friendship(usually seen in movies) show up in this colorful stage of relationship.

This FRIENDSHIP matures ahead and its goes ahead to next level i.e. "COMPASSION".

COMPASSION:-

# a deep awareness of and sympathy for another's suffering
# the humane quality of understanding the suffering of others and wanting to do something about it

This stage is where ONE not only feels the pain of the other but also experiences it to be his/her own. It can be called more of a DEEP CONNECTION from Heart wherein Pleasure and Pain are felt without words and many a times irrespective of "Distance". It is in this state, a couple takes each other "for granted" (with a very very high level of understanding and deep faith) and try to help each other thereby "Acting/Thinking" alike. Its in this stage where one REALIZES his/her partner more than the SELF.

Crossing the Stage of "Compassion" one reaches a "Point of No-Return" in which the actions/decisions of the individual is PURELY WISDOM guided action without any attachments to the fruits of the action being performed for the other. Its in this state, the couple do not care about their actions for each other. Its sort of a BLIND love for NO REASON. Perhaps as big as an "Orthodox Mother's Love" which does not care what her "Child" is. All that matters to her is that she is the loving mother of her "Child".

Just like that The Couple who reaches this stage can be said to have experienced a taste of ETERNAL LOVE.

My personal opinion is, a Couple after reaching this HIGHEST point in this relationship and after knowing the OTHER person TO-and-THROUGH must realize how "BOTH OF YOU" are soo ONE-SAME from Inside Yet so Different. By further exploring this INNOCENT ONENESS between each other, they will automatically see this INNOCENCE in all. Thereby being blessed with "Love for All" i.e. Stage 2 of relationship between two people is now between the COUPLE and the WORLD around.

- the source of my above explanation goes to Swami Sukhbodananda's Teachings.

Interesting!

For me I think of it in these stages:
1. Curiosity
2. Interactivity
3. The DATING stage
a No attraction ---> FAT HOPE! lol (The Friendship stage)
b Sex ----> NO HOPE (The FRIEDship stage)
c Feels attraction but waits ----> has hope!

4. The COURTSHIP stage
More interaction = more dates

5. The WONDERING stage
"Does he/she like me?"

6. The COMMITMENT stage
Man pops the commitment question.
If the woman asks, GOOD LUCK stage!

7. The HONEYMOON stage
All are blind to each others' flaws.
Gets horny with each other all the time. >,<

(Any signs of 7 before stage 7, please refer to 3b)

8. The WONDERING stage 2
Does he/she still care for me?
Re-analysis of each others' flaws/strengths.

9. The I-AM-USED to it stage
Which is about 2 to 3 years after courtship
This is also the stage whereby most couples
find out if they can tolerate each other's flaws.

If you can get over 9 and are still crazy about each other, CONGRATS!

At stage 8, you say, one asks "Does he/she still care for me?".

The progress of your relationship begins with you both and ends with complete maturity when you really don't care about "Does he/she still care for me?". The only thing that matters to you is .. "I care for that person a lot and thats a fact".

The three main stages of love you mention remind me of something I read in a book about the biology of love. The author said something very similiar; that there were three different parts of love: lust/desire, friendship, and attachment. By combining these different parts in various ways, you can describe the different kinds of love. The initial romance you feel, for example, is lust+friendship. Later an attachment develops, and then the desire slowly fades as you get married, have kids, etc. This is the "normal" flow of love, but it can vary. There are couples who stay together out of habit, and perhaps because they still lust for each other. In this case the friendship aspect is gone.

I strongly believe that love is a multi-phase process like you mention. What I often wonder about though is how long the different phases tend to last. How long do most couples go before the initial passion fades and the deep respect/devotion for one's partner sets in? I know it varies among couples, but there's probably an average which gages it.

Quite an interesting subject, for sure.

Started off with curiosity
Flirting
Getting close (hugging)
Getting that first kiss
Being together openly
Progressing through the stages of sex:
kiss
fingering/tossing off
oral
sex
experimenting
Then it goes onto being a full on open relationship
You get closer with their friends
You want to know EVERYTHING about them
You argue a little maybe
You notice flawes and either dismiss them or get annoyed by them
You don't mind accepting gifts/money/buying lunch without paying back
You might argue more and it get worse, but only if you actually let it
You have "the talk"
You dismiss your differences and continue with life together
You talk about your future now instead of just thinking about it
You consider moving in together
You decide what life is like together
Your feelings develop further and you share finances completely
You start to talk about marriage
You go on your honeymoon
You live happily ever after...Or not so much




Unfoirtunately I'm stuck in the whole argument stage and it's killing me right now, I want it to end but it's been there for ages. I'm partly to blame, I know that but I can't be the whole blame =(

I've written poems, songs and little cute notes to her, but now I'm going for a full frontal letter to try... And research to explain that we'll get past it =)

Hopefully that might help =)

WISH ME LUCK!

Hope somebody agrees with me on the whole stages thing lol

Xxx

---- admin personal opinion..

You have advanced a lot.. you researched a lot and you now are still maturing.

We as humans are learning day by day about our basic quality (which I believe is our entire being).. that is "love".

As kids, none learns to hate people.. its the elders who point kids to like X people who give you goodies, choclates or treats you good.

Once a person realizes his inner quality of love, just use it to be strong in yourself. Every cause that bugs you in your relationship, embrace it and overcome it.

Realize the real purpose of life & your duty. And charge it throughout your life and be the person who reflects his true inner self. Something that does not change with the change in surrounding people.

I m sure when you begin knowing people really closely by heart, you understood how he/she is soo like you in soo many ways. One must know and accept, we must not look out for changes but be the changes yourself.

See how much you develope through with your patience and change and life will teach you many more things in return. But be sure, each moment you live goes out with pure love. If you get FRUSTRATED or ANGER, be mature enough to understand that your "love" causing "expectations" are the real reason of frustration & anger. Be happy for that love and love the fact of "loving" someone in the first place.

If we watch ourselves from a microscope focussed on earth, then we realize, we are just humans wandering like ants on earth.. Everything was just so predictable & by law.. just like electrons, molecules, planets and comets.

All the best .. to love & life :-)

i believe like will evolve into passion, then love followed by kinship.

hell, it might even end up in enmity lol