Well I say this though I think she expect that your heart would get broken the moment she would let you down, and so I think was concerned that you would do something crazy like spam email accounts or something. So I would say she was sad that she wouldn't see you all week since the events have unfolded and wanted to keep an eye out on you and stuff like that. Remember this is where experience kicked in on her part and she mostly knew like we did that this was your "first" crush and letting you know to not lose all hope that you wouldn't get "that: girl.

Which leads into the damage control, interestingly enough you have not created any damage from that conversation, and hte only damage you would have create would be the yelling, the screaming, the name calling and all that stuff would be the damaging part. As for the hug it was reference to the 2-3 seconds you "plan" on doing but yeah its the experience and the emotion of the hug that lasts forever. Thats where I start disagreeing just a little bit with anwii post about office relationships and stuff like that, because of hte fact its all about timing and whats happen between the two people before the act that you plan to do.

Of course thats why I asked how many people are actually aware of it because the more people actually knew whats was going then it would be a problem in which I agree on some points on anwii's post. As with the situation that night was the toughest for both of you just because it felt "perfect" in the sense that it was something you two wanted, but instead the reverse happen; however, if you can overcome this rejection and continue building a relationship with her then you won't lose anything.

Yeah don't try to prescript what you want to say something because it could come out all and so if you just have the idea in mind then let the words flow and stuff. If you plan to break down bring a box of tissues and what not Also this that week to reflect on the the experience I know is thinking about it and trying ot become a stronger person because of it.

I do feel you are right, SM, about her trying to do damage control. Today, I worked my plan out. She's been sick so I called the store and made sure she was getting off at her usual 7. I told her that I would be coming down to work then, and that I wanted to talk to her. I did. I went there, I wrote down a list (typed up, and DID NOT print, nor did I even save it) of points to make, and make sure I remembered them. She was happy and cheery when she saw me in the parking garage waiting for her (I call it that, its like a... undercover area made up of part of the store), I figured it was very light under there, and it would be less creepy if I didn't come out of the darkness (they came from the blackness... 300 quote). I first asked her if she told anyone, she said no. I then made my major point. I said "I... I want to thank you.. for being so.. cool, about this whole thing. Like.. you really handled it well and it's commendable how you took it. The way you acted, and still are acting, it couldn't have turned out better, and I couldn't have hoped for anything more. You have been really cool about this, the way that only a good friend would act, and... with you... I couldn't ask for a better one." and she thought that was really nice and gave me the "awwww, thanks charlie!!" (yeah, its all over now, so there, thats my name, I told anwii her name in an earlier post). I almost just about lost control of crying control there, lips started to tremble and so on, but I held it in, and kept talking. "Really, you are such a good friend, and I want you to know that if I ever have something that I need to talk about, just.. anything, or the kinds of things I don't want to tell other people, you know, my guy friends or if I'm having girlfriend problems or something, that I want to be able to come to you." she said "That's totally fine!! I would love to help you out in any way I can!" I then brought up an earlier (much earlier, like before the letter) point about her thinking of something that she would allow me to do that she considers really nice, the way she said that she remembers it, was... unconvincing, in the manner of she didnt think of something. I said "you didnt think of anything.. did you..." and she just smiled and said no... (i would like to note that she is now sitting in her car, warming it up and getting herself warm as well.) so said "well... i thought of something..." and she gave me the sorta squint look, like suspicious looking and said "what...?" and i said "c'mere" but she didn't, and simply said "charlie.. i'm really not a hug person, like really, i just dont like hugs, but thanks anyways... really." so, at least I tried, but it's not like i was all "*BLEEP* get up and be my hug pole." so we kinda talked about some other stuff... me getting pulled over for the first time in my life, i shouldve gotten a ticket too, 12 over, but I found out tonight that was because my pulling over officer called one of my really good friends on the force and asked if he should give me a ticket, he said no because I had a really hard day. (speaking of last night the "outside talk" that was supposed to be a phone call.) Then at the end she said "so we good? you okay?" and i said "heh.. yeah.." and she could tell there was something else and she said "anything else you want to say?" and i, again, did a half chuckle and said "i really wanted to give you a hug..." and she just laughed and again, told me that she just doesnt really like hugs, which, is fine, shes a very independant person, likes to be alone on her breaks and such, supports herself and a family, and I respect that.

All is well. I feel really good about it, our friendship is... I would say, stronger than ever before, and only getting stronger. All in all, it was a good idea, because in the end, everybody is happy, and we both feel really good about the whole thing. Although I fell short of getting that hug, I'm sure everything will be fine. I really want to thank all of you, especially Saint_Michael, and anwii. You really helped me get through this situation. I know there are still some follow up things that you might want to go through with me, making sure I don't go messing things up by thinking things are better than they are and trying to do something actually stupid. But thanks, again, for helping me through. I have to say, I followed your guys' advice on most of it, maybe not that last part about "my plan" but that was where it really came into me knowing her, knowing how shes going to react, and responding to that with what I know she wants to hear, and what I want to say.

@anwii, your words were marked, and I took that into account, but still followed through with my plan, and now everything is better than ever.

@SM, you helped me more on the experience and wisdom side of things, you knew what was going to happen, although anwii could tell what had already happened with his super mental abilities, you used your super memory abilities.

Well at least its a good ending or rather a new beginning, but to point out the hug though I think that was the barrier of physical contact between you and most likely she felt uncomfortable about the meaning behind the hug and not the act itself. Again she was being polite about it so not to make the situation go into awkward mode and anwii would agree with me on that. As for a follow up it isn't really necessary since you now know where the line is set up between you two that won't be cross, and as long as you respect that line she can build her trust and confidence with you over time, and it will make her more social as well (in reference to being alone during breaks and stuff).

It's nothing knowledge and experience is everything in developing relationships and once you can get past that weird phase, then the good stuff happens.

well that's hapy and sad at the same time...i feel for ya bud....and respect ya. you handled it good. i know i was against the hug thing but respect that you gave it a shot as a friend only. let you in on a seret though. all women are hug people sm is right. she handled it good by respecting the both of you. she just didn't want to lead you on, still a little uncomfortable and it will take time to build a friendship trust which i know is what you will be shooting for now. so be patient and be yourself most important and respect her feelings, what she told you, and what she defined for you to respect. had to be hard bud....but you did it. proud of ya. you both sound like good people to me and i'm glad it all worked out positive. maybe not PERFECT in what you wanted, but positive.

i'm glad sm took an interest in this so you didn't just here from me one sided opinion. and glad we could be here for ya. keep us updated from time to time. i feel like i know you both haha

I don't think at 18 you are mature to have a serious relationship. Relations through internet are triky because the other person can say whatever you want to here but that thing never happends when you live with that person(especially when she's 11 years older).

Umm are you posting just to post or what because it seems you didn't read any of the posts with in this topic, because one this isn't a internet relationship, and two who are you to judge that 18 isn't mature enough to have a relationship? So before you answer any of those questions, which I doubt you will do this, read the topic again and then post something supportive.

This post has been edited by Saint_Michael: Dec 10 2007, 03:56 PM

Yeah I was going to say.. "Uhh, did you READ the topic?" SM, if he had, also he would understand that she's not 11, but 12 years older (thought she was 28...), but most of all, that I wasn't exactly looking for a RELATIONSHIP like boyfriend/girlfriend, but rather just a really good trusting friendship.

Update, or I dunno. I went into the store today after school, because I was thirsty and wanted a drink. Went through her line, she said Hi to me good and happy, didn't sound bad as if "oh, he's here AGAIN!", she was happy to see me. We talked like normal, she didn't know that I didn't get a ticket on Saturday because that officer called a buddy of mine, so I talked to her about that and other stuff, told her I would see her on Saturday (you know, not visit like everyday), she said "have a great week!!" and everything was totally happy and good. So yeah. I'm really happy about what happened (in the end).

All ready for my Christmas Update??

So everything was fine for like 2 weeks, perfect, I stopped visiting on lunches and days off, we stopped talking about it, and I only spoke to her about regular stuff. There was a little thing where I offered to give her a ride home because her house was on my way to the Kingston Sheriff's Office and it would be easy, but she made me look like an idiot in front of half the front end and said "uhh, no, my husband is picking me up" so I just dropped it and said "ok, bye" and in the name of the Internet, I GTFO'd. So I was pissed at her for that, and I agree, it was "rediculous" for me to offer that after such tenious circumstances, but still, I was just trying to be nice. I did not speak to her the next day we worked together, didn't look at her, didn't bag for her, just completely ignored her, I think she got the picture. The day after that I actualyl did speak to her, making it look like we were both wayy to busy to say anything to eachother. A week later, or so, just, this last Thursday, on my way into work, my car was hit by something that fell of an oncoming truck, both traveling roughly 60MPH, thats a 100-120MPH impact, on my windshield. Didn't even crack it, but ripped off my mirror, dented my door, and some major paint damage. Truck, gone, thing that hit me, gone, no suspects, I didn't even get a description of it let alone a plate, it was dark, and yeah, I was in shock. Other than $1,312.xx damage to my car, I found out later that night, that if I did not quit, I would be fired, because Kim, freaked out, told a bunch of people, showed people the letter, and eventually it got to the Store Director, and soon enough it would be at Human Resources (it never made it that far). Point being, shes a ba