Well I say this though I think she expect that your heart would get broken the moment she would let you down, and so I think was concerned that you would do something crazy like spam email accounts or something. So I would say she was sad that she wouldn't see you all week since the events have unfolded and wanted to keep an eye out on you and stuff like that. Remember this is where experience kicked in on her part and she mostly knew like we did that this was your "first" crush and letting you know to not lose all hope that you wouldn't get "that: girl.

Which leads into the damage control, interestingly enough you have not created any damage from that conversation, and hte only damage you would have create would be the yelling, the screaming, the name calling and all that stuff would be the damaging part. As for the hug it was reference to the 2-3 seconds you "plan" on doing but yeah its the experience and the emotion of the hug that lasts forever. Thats where I start disagreeing just a little bit with anwii post about office relationships and stuff like that, because of hte fact its all about timing and whats happen between the two people before the act that you plan to do.

Of course thats why I asked how many people are actually aware of it because the more people actually knew whats was going then it would be a problem in which I agree on some points on anwii's post. As with the situation that night was the toughest for both of you just because it felt "perfect" in the sense that it was something you two wanted, but instead the reverse happen; however, if you can overcome this rejection and continue building a relationship with her then you won't lose anything.

Yeah don't try to prescript what you want to say something because it could come out all and so if you just have the idea in mind then let the words flow and stuff. If you plan to break down bring a box of tissues and what not Also this that week to reflect on the the experience I know is thinking about it and trying ot become a stronger person because of it.

I do feel you are right, SM, about her trying to do damage control. Today, I worked my plan out. She's been sick so I called the store and made sure she was getting off at her usual 7. I told her that I would be coming down to work then, and that I wanted to talk to her. I did. I went there, I wrote down a list (typed up, and DID NOT print, nor did I even save it) of points to make, and make sure I remembered them. She was happy and cheery when she saw me in the parking garage waiting for her (I call it that, its like a... undercover area made up of part of the store), I figured it was very light under there, and it would be less creepy if I didn't come out of the darkness (they came from the blackness... 300 quote). I first asked her if she told anyone, she said no. I then made my major point. I said "I... I want to thank you.. for being so.. cool, about this whole thing. Like.. you really handled it well and it's commendable how you took it. The way you acted, and still are acting, it couldn't have turned out better, and I couldn't have hoped for anything more. You have been really cool about this, the way that only a good friend would act, and... with you... I couldn't ask for a better one." and she thought that was really nice and gave me the "awwww, thanks charlie!!" (yeah, its all over now, so there, thats my name, I told anwii her name in an earlier post). I almost just about lost control of crying control there, lips started to tremble and so on, but I held it in, and kept talking. "Really, you are such a good friend, and I want you to know that if I ever have something that I need to talk about, just.. anything, or the kinds of things I don't want to tell other people, you know, my guy friends or if I'm having girlfriend problems or something, that I want to be able to come to you." she said "That's totally fine!! I would love to help you out in any way I can!" I then brought up an earlier (much earlier, like before the letter) point about her thinking of something that she would allow me to do that she considers really nice, the way she said that she remembers it, was... unconvincing, in the manner of she didnt think of something. I said "you didnt think of anything.. did you..." and she just smiled and said no... (i would like to note that she is now sitting in her car, warming it up and getting herself warm as well.) so said "well... i thought of something..." and she gave me the sorta squint look, like suspicious looking and said "what...?" and i said "c'mere" but she didn't, and simply said "charlie.. i'm really not a hug person, like really, i just dont like hugs, but thanks anyways... really." so, at least I tried, but it's not like i was all "*BLEEP* get up and be my hug pole." so we kinda talked about some other stuff... me getting pulled over for the first time in my life, i shouldve gotten a ticket too, 12 over, but I found out tonight that was because my pulling over officer called one of my really good friends on the force and asked if he should give me a ticket, he said no because I had a really hard day. (speaking of last night the "outside talk" that was supposed to be a phone call.) Then at the end she said "so we good? you okay?" and i said "heh.. yeah.." and she could tell there was something else and she said "anything else you want to say?" and i, again, did a half chuckle and said "i really wanted to give you a hug..." and she just laughed and again, told me that she just doesnt really like hugs, which, is fine, shes a very independant person, likes to be alone on her breaks and such, supports herself and a family, and I respect that.

All is well. I feel really good about it, our friendship is... I would say, stronger than ever before, and only getting stronger. All in all, it was a good idea, because in the end, everybody is happy, and we both feel really good about the whole thing. Although I fell short of getting that hug, I'm sure everything will be fine. I really want to thank all of you, especially Saint_Michael, and anwii. You really helped me get through this situation. I know there are still some follow up things that you might want to go through with me, making sure I don't go messing things up by thinking things are better than they are and trying to do something actually stupid. But thanks, again, for helping me through. I have to say, I followed your guys' advice on most of it, maybe not that last part about "my plan" but that was where it really came into me knowing her, knowing how shes going to react, and responding to that with what I know she wants to hear, and what I want to say.

@anwii, your words were marked, and I took that into account, but still followed through with my plan, and now everything is better than ever.

@SM, you helped me more on the experience and wisdom side of things, you knew what was going to happen, although anwii could tell what had already happened with his super mental abilities, you used your super memory abilities.

Well at least its a good ending or rather a new beginning, but to point out the hug though I think that was the barrier of physical contact between you and most likely she felt uncomfortable about the meaning behind the hug and not the act itself. Again she was being polite about it so not to make the situation go into awkward mode and anwii would agree with me on that. As for a follow up it isn't really necessary since you now know where the line is set up between you two that won't be cross, and as long as you respect that line she can build her trust and confidence with you over time, and it will make her more social as well (in reference to being alone during breaks and stuff).

It's nothing knowledge and experience is everything in developing relationships and once you can get past that weird phase, then the good stuff happens.

well that's hapy and sad at the same time...i feel for ya bud....and respect ya. you handled it good. i know i was against the hug thing but respect that you gave it a shot as a friend only. let you in on a seret though. all women are hug people sm is right. she handled it good by respecting the both of you. she just didn't want to lead you on, still a little uncomfortable and it will take time to build a friendship trust which i know is what you will be shooting for now. so be patient and be yourself most important and respect her feelings, what she told you, and what she defined for you to respect. had to be hard bud....but you did it. proud of ya. you both sound like good people to me and i'm glad it all worked out positive. maybe not PERFECT in what you wanted, but positive.

i'm glad sm took an interest in this so you didn't just here from me one sided opinion. and glad we could be here for ya. keep us updated from time to time. i feel like i know you both haha

I don't think at 18 you are mature to have a serious relationship. Relations through internet are triky because the other person can say whatever you want to here but that thing never happends when you live with that person(especially when she's 11 years older).

Umm are you posting just to post or what because it seems you didn't read any of the posts with in this topic, because one this isn't a internet relationship, and two who are you to judge that 18 isn't mature enough to have a relationship? So before you answer any of those questions, which I doubt you will do this, read the topic again and then post something supportive.

This post has been edited by Saint_Michael: Dec 10 2007, 03:56 PM

Yeah I was going to say.. "Uhh, did you READ the topic?" SM, if he had, also he would understand that she's not 11, but 12 years older (thought she was 28...), but most of all, that I wasn't exactly looking for a RELATIONSHIP like boyfriend/girlfriend, but rather just a really good trusting friendship.

Update, or I dunno. I went into the store today after school, because I was thirsty and wanted a drink. Went through her line, she said Hi to me good and happy, didn't sound bad as if "oh, he's here AGAIN!", she was happy to see me. We talked like normal, she didn't know that I didn't get a ticket on Saturday because that officer called a buddy of mine, so I talked to her about that and other stuff, told her I would see her on Saturday (you know, not visit like everyday), she said "have a great week!!" and everything was totally happy and good. So yeah. I'm really happy about what happened (in the end).

All ready for my Christmas Update??

So everything was fine for like 2 weeks, perfect, I stopped visiting on lunches and days off, we stopped talking about it, and I only spoke to her about regular stuff. There was a little thing where I offered to give her a ride home because her house was on my way to the Kingston Sheriff's Office and it would be easy, but she made me look like an idiot in front of half the front end and said "uhh, no, my husband is picking me up" so I just dropped it and said "ok, bye" and in the name of the Internet, I GTFO'd. So I was pissed at her for that, and I agree, it was "rediculous" for me to offer that after such tenious circumstances, but still, I was just trying to be nice. I did not speak to her the next day we worked together, didn't look at her, didn't bag for her, just completely ignored her, I think she got the picture. The day after that I actualyl did speak to her, making it look like we were both wayy to busy to say anything to eachother. A week later, or so, just, this last Thursday, on my way into work, my car was hit by something that fell of an oncoming truck, both traveling roughly 60MPH, thats a 100-120MPH impact, on my windshield. Didn't even crack it, but ripped off my mirror, dented my door, and some major paint damage. Truck, gone, thing that hit me, gone, no suspects, I didn't even get a description of it let alone a plate, it was dark, and yeah, I was in shock. Other than $1,312.xx damage to my car, I found out later that night, that if I did not quit, I would be fired, because Kim, freaked out, told a bunch of people, showed people the letter, and eventually it got to the Store Director, and soon enough it would be at Human Resources (it never made it that far). Point being, shes a back stabbing *BLEEP*. Asked me to not feel weird around her, we dropped it, everything was great, I even bought her a new phone for Christmas, and when she did this to me, I hadn't even thought of buying it yet, then again, I didn't know she had ruined my life until after I bought it. I was informed that if I did in fact give her the phone, I would have been fired, and never made it to my dream career. I was forced to read the "sexual harrassment" part in the company handbook. My boss was doing nothing but 1. Saving my *bottom* and my career, 2. agreeing with me that this is rediculous!! He said he had no idea how it got to Rick, but it did. I trusted her. She was my friend, a really good one at that. She promised me she wouldn't tell anyone, and that we both would drop it. Now I'm out a job. I signed my papers Sunday night, and Monday was my last day... they let me leave 3.5 hours early. I said good bye to her, explaining that Dave and Carol were letting me go home early. She still has no idea I an no longer employed there. All she said was "mkay... see ya later..." in that sort of "whatever, talk to the hand" voice. I just walked away. Today, Christmas Day, the first day of not having a job. "Merry Christmas!! You're fired!!" is what I feel like it is. I voluntarily quit because otherwise some sort of harassment would end up on my record and BAM, goodbye police career. Even if i went to the union, HR has more power than them, and either way, I was going to get screwed.

She ruined my life, my reputation, and almost my career. I asked my boss to write a note to the morning PIC the next day (that friday) to speak to Kim about my anger and the phone and so on. He stayed a whole hour late that night writing it, and ended up coming in on his own to speak to her on his day off. He saw me, read my body language, and heared the fierce words I used, and he conveyed that right to her, the phone, the "severity" of my anger, the fact that I doubt she has any feelings of "remourse" but rather just "malice and hatred". Some pretty rough words, and I wanted them to decribe her, and I did, and so did my boss. She told him that she feels very bad, and my friend Alex points out that shes a good person, and didn't mean to ruin my life. Point being, she said she feels bad, she might not, but the fact that she said, is really just admitting that she did something wrong, ruin, my, life.

So thank YOU Kimberly <<personal information removed>>(ahem.. she told me that, and I didn't even ask haha, dumb *bad word*.) Yes yes, you've ruined my life, and taken my job and only source of money from me, and you don't even know it yet. Wonderful, I hope something equally as horrible happens to you, and no, I have no intention to be the cause of that.

I have spoken to my Police friends about this, they think it was a minor thing (all of it, the letter, the phone, the offer for ride home) and that the last thing I should do is be forced to quit. But it was in my best intrests to do just that.

[note=BuffaloHELP]Trap17 does not condone releasing of personal information without consent, without anything. Removed.[/note]

All I have to say is ouch, I wasn't expecting something like this to happen, especially on her end to act like this. Of course I agree your feelings of what she was right, and I doubt you will ever get a straight answer as to why she did it. Although I say its a rough call on it being minor just because a small thing like a relationship that you two were having before this ugly incident usually can be taking the wrong way and thus you would have a real big problem and thus the beginnings of he siad/she said and the she said being more damaging.

I would admit though that you shouldn't have made that offer just because of the situation and the fact that you could have tried again developing something, but of course she was wrong in saying something like that, all she had to say was no thank you and end it. I am not to clear on the phone thing but either way you should have stopped yourself from even thinking about getting a gift as personal as a phone to many things can be thought of as to why you want to give a person a phone.

I will say this though that you handle this situation maturely, unlike the protagonist of the situation; nonetheless, she will know that your gone after a week or so, don't be surprise if she contacts you, unlikely that maybe. Let me make a small correction to what I said earlier yeah the whole situation was only minor because the problem that was created out of this was stopped before it got any worse, especially for you. Live and learn I guess from the situation of course lets not forget regardless how old you are people can still be immature about some things such as this.

Bummer about the car as well.

sorry- i will have to strongly disagree with SM on this one. i have followed this thread from the beginning. yes, in some areas you handled yourself maturly, but you definately did not end things maturly. she didn't ruin your reputation YOU RUINED IT. don't blame others for your own actions, i told you right from the start that you are border line on sexual harrasment in the workplace. as a police officer you should have known this. if you don't, you shouldn't be working as one. as you may also recal, i said that people could lose their jobs over this. you didn't listen. you pushed and pushed and pushed. she hurt you, yes, but there is no excuse to react the way you did. she's married. it was a tricky and sticky situation that you chose to be a part of. you played your own self knowing the possible consequences. if you didn't know them, i listed them for you in my previous posts. i didn't write them for my health. you should have respected your talk with her. you didn't. she set the rules after your talk. you broke them. you had absolutely no respect for her OR her husband.

now this doesn't make ya a bad person or anything. this was a learning experience. you handled yourself well through about half the drama and that i can respect. what i don't respect is that you intentionally put her full name and address in your last post. for that, i will be reporting that post. you obviously didn't put that there to be nice and her personal information has no business here bud. you are still acting like a jerk and it needs to stop. go on with your life. you let your feeling get in the way with what is right. it could have been anybody's mistake but right now it';s yours and yours alone so own up to it and move on. she doesn't even want to be friends with you anymore so leave her alone.

now i'm sorry all this blew up to hurt ya. nothing you can do....and your car....jeeeez. well, life goes in cycles from what i've learned from it. i also learned that what goes around comes around in mysterious ways. when you do bad things, bad things will happen to ya oddly enough. if you do good things, then the good will come back to ya in the same mysterious ways. chalk it up as a learning experience, know that it was YOUR fault and not hers. YOU are the one who pushed this whole situation when all she wanted was a friend. feel LUCKY you didn't get slapped with a lawsuit yet. even though you quit, she has an EXCELLENT case against you

now sorry for being blunt. you needed to hear it bud. i like ya and i always respected you posting your situation here. you may be mature for 18, but you still have a lot to learn and a lot of growing up to do. don't think for one second you have experienced everything at age 18 or 19. i gave you good sound advice for your benefit and you failed to take it. i appreciated you listening to it and maybe what i have said and these recent consequences will make you think twice in situations like this.

if you need a friend, i will be here. i know you must be hurtin' really bad because i know how much this woman meant to you. it was a hard lesson. don't let it ruin your new years. i was married on new years day. it's a day for new beginnings. a good day to say.....heck....i'll start my life over and do it right this next time around. it's never too late and you are still very young and i'm sure when you are ready, the right girl will come along. until then, keep studying to become a responsible police officer. we need good ones out there. not ones that will use their authority in harmfull ways towards others. so i really hope you fogive her and fogive yourself especially and know that what you did was wrong. that's important to admit that and be honest with yourself. if you can't do that, maybe if you get married one day, someone from your wife's work will be driving her home and buying her phones and writing deep letters of attraction.....then you can REALLY know how it feels.

-still a friend