@anwiii

I cannot say how right you are. I mean, I'm sure you're right about low self-esteem, I was never the high class football star, or the really smart nerdy kid, I'm just kind of... well more on the nerdy side I guess , but that's alright sometimes. I am VERY resistant to peer-pressure, I don't smoke or drink, and don't really plan to, regardless of how many of my friends have tried to get me to. I am a very opinionated person, I stand by what I think very fiercely, but when it comes to me not knowing, like now, I'll take whatever I can get from you guys. You've been great. The part about the job and great benefits, I already have that. I may not make a whole bunch an hour, but I'm only 17, and don't have many bills (cell phone, car insurance). My Health/Dental is AMAZING, I have the Union behind me, and I get 100% free preventive care, and everything else is 80% covered, with no office visit co-pays, and ER visits are a flat $75. Not that that has anything to do with anything, I'm just saying haha. Also, for my future career plans, I do wish in 4 years to go to the Police Academy and become one of the Men in Blue here.

Also, about the test I put forth for myself. Let me give you a short background. I get out of school daily (don't go Fridays) at 10:30, but I get there at 8:45, it's a short day for me, I have Independet Contract Studies though. So I have to be to work 30 minutes later, generally, my schedule is changing next week. It's not hard to get there, I mean... like a mile, MAYBE a mile and a half, and I drive there. Anyways, back to about my test. I failed, really bad, like, I did exactly the opposite, I couldn't have failed more. I was good at first, I was suprised at the fact that she hadn't even spoken to me this morning when I got there, but it could have just been the usual Thanksgiving madness going through everyone's head. I got a good 30 minutes without any contact with her, at all. Then I just gave in, but slowly, started off with simple "how are you" and so on. She got a call, something about her aunt, bad stuff really, and I, naturally, felt bad. Throughout the course of the day, because it's too much to go through, I'll just give you the rundown of my failure: I ended up buying her a drink (like I had said in a previous post), asked her out to lunch (another first for me, ever, and that was a success), helped her do some shopping at the end of her day (hey, it's my job), and then helped her out to her car with some more non-work casual conversation which I don't get much of from her. Failed the test? Yeah. But you know what? I felt good about it. I didn't feel such passion or whatever you want to call it for her. I felt like I was being a good friend, which I am more than fine with. And about the lunch, I told her that there were a few conditions: 1. I pay. 2. You don't owe me anything. I feel like her life is always just a mess, and I have said that, even today, and she nothing but agrees with me, and I told her that that was my reason for being so nice, I think, today, it was a big advancement in our friendship, and I feel alot better, like not as many feelings of being empty without her. I'm pretty proud of myself with this one. Perhaps, sometimes it is better to fail.

i think you set your test for yourself too high so i don't think you failed really just as long as stronger emotions don't come out of you being a friend. i don't want you to end up on a jerry springer show if you know what i mean also, while you are out with her, you still need to respect her relationship to her husband and i dunno what his thoughts are of you spending the day with his wife. there is a lot involved in this situation that i don't think you are aware of or its consequences...why it scares me a little with you just being friends....but if you can handle that then i'm sure she has a well deserving friend in ya and to be honest, i think the friendship is a GREAT thing. i think you both need the attention given to eachother....so keep us updated....and be honest

oh! i almost forgot....you may see how messed up her life is, but it's not wise to say that outloud to her hahaha. she may know already that it's messed up, but i doubt she wants anyone else seeing that and even commenting on how messed up it is. she wont admit it, but it will make her feel worse. and why is her life so messed up anyway? she needs to find an appreciation for the life she has or get a new life and get out of the situation she's in if she isn't happy. i hope it has nothing to do with her kids and feeling trapped. her husband maybe?

Sorry, but 11 years? You have no chance mate. Move onto someone your own age.

Haha, I found out today it's 12 years. Oh, and all she did when I said her life was messed up, she just laughed and agreed. I know that it's not her kids, she loves her kids, shes had alot of problems with just life, her house, famile (not immediate family) and i know of personally at least 2 times when she came to work crying because of her husband. Also, I'm not exactly spending the whole day with her, she lives a good distance from work, and I'm a 10 minute drive from work, and she's not about to come across 2 (small) towns (about 45 minutes) JUST to have lunch with me, I'll be going on one of my many days off and meeting her when she goes on her hour long lunch, I just can't figure out where to go.... I've met her husband, he's a cool guy, I think he's okay with it...

I almost really don't feel as much about her as I was when I made my first post, I'm not saying the feelings aren't there, just that they're less intense. I almost feel less like I need to be with her at all times, but more like... I don't know, I still miss her when shes not around... but when she is, I feel (but cant act upon) being defensive towards her. I'm not the only one around the age of 17 there (if you havnt figured out yet, I mean, adults, and kids working, it's gotta be like a restaurant or other food related things minors can do, it's a grocery store), but like today, I mean, I could NOT get near her!! I'm the Senior among my group (meaning, my boss puts me in charge of them, and I can tell them what to do) but they would not let me work with her, even the new kid! I think she's just got this really attractive look about her, I didn't like her very much when I first started over a year ago, and apparently she REALLY didnt like me, but we've grown to become eachothers favorite (found that out today too). I noticed a LONG time ago (before I even really knew her name) that we work REALLY well together, I mean, our speeds are almost identical, and we can get ALOT of work done in a short amount of time. With alot more people in the store, less want help out to their car, because they feel like it's busy (and boy is it) and other people might need it, but most people think that so we end up with the same person most of the day.

Tomorrow (today) is Thanksgiving, I don't have any special plans, I do have to work, but they put me on the dead shift, 2-6, and on Thanksgiving, there will be a total of maybe... 6 customers. She will be there 7-3:30, so I really only get an hour and a half today of her (yeah, thats how i look at my day of work) The past few days, I havn't had much of a chance to talk to her, but I've been working long and late shifts the past 3 days, and being the Senior (not school related by the way, I've been there longest, the other guy is on sick leave for a few months), I (yesterday) decided to take by break a half hour later, when she got off work, so I could walk to her car with her and actually talk, and I expect that today will hold a good few chances for me to actually talk to her!! My break today is at 4, but, being me (I feel proud about that Senior thing haha) I'll take by break a half hour earlier... to make up for yesterday.... *smirk* (read: shes off at 3:30). I should probably stop talking now, but it's kind of hard.

I think it's great that you guys have given me such good feedback, I really feel like I've improved upon the situation, I'm finding things (especially since I could be out late tonight) to occupy my mind a bit more. It's nice, all of it.

Update: so it's been what? 15 days since an update, its time.

I started to visit her on her lunch and we have had some amazing talks. I was trying to figure out where local to take her for lunch and she flipped (okay, didnt flip, but like.....), okay maybe it was more of a "no, you're not taking me to lunch." It took like 3 days of convincing, but I got her to agree to think of something that she considers "really nice" that she would allow me to do for her. And that as long as it was reasonable, I would do it (examples of, thats unreasonbly too high, are "I'm not buying you a house" and unreasonably low are "im not going outside and bringing you a rock."). Today is the deadline for me to find out what that is. I suggested that I could buy her a new phone because the one she has, she cant see the screen and the battery sucks, but she said no.

Last week with her, was not so good. Kind of ignoring me, not really wanting to see/talk to me. 2 people from work agreed that she might be tired of me, and that I'm being too over-sensitive. But being my... well over-sensitive self, I wrote her a letter on Sunday. The letter explains what I think of her, how I feel towards her, and so on. I hade a major edit to it, and finally worked up the courage to hand it to her last night. The letter was not supposed to be given to her until my last day at work, I had planned on getting a job at Radio Shack, and quitting the store... but I didn't get the job, so now I'm stuck. But I couldn't go on any longer without her knowing how I feel. I explained that I was not looking for a relationship, but rather someone to talk to and yada yada.. 2 people said it was a horrible idea, good that i wrote it, had a record of it, but bad that i actually gave it to her. a couple other friends said that I did the right thing, and they agree with the theme of the letter "its only fair that you know". I wrote a P.S. in the letter explaining that I would not be quitting and some parts of the letter no longer rang true, but all the stuff about my feelings and all that mumbo jumbo were still true. I got very little sleep (by my standards) last night, and had about 13 anxiety attacks (dont get those often, maybe... once every 4 years?) after my half day at school today, i went down to the store, and after about 30 minutes of thinking about actually going up front and facing her (oh yeah, i wrote in the letter that if she still thinks im a good person and what not, please, call me, and yes, she has my number, but she never called, hence the anxiety and the lack of sleep...). After the "Hi (my name)" it was kind of awkward and i could see tears coming to her eyes... i proceeded to scan my own items, just a fun thing some of us employees do, and it really helped break the ice... she then said "i want you to know it's okay. i didnt get a chance to read it until on my way to work this morning... but i want you to know im not mad, im glad you told me, and i really dont want you to feel weird.." (FYI, this letter was 2 pages long, single spaced, it had ALOT of *BLEEP* in it, and everytime one of my friends would ask "well what if she thinks this??" yeah, it was covered in the letter, and to quote another friend "I think it's written nicely. I thought you got your point across well.... If there's one thing you don't need to worry about, it's that she'll misunderstand something-- everything was written well." he also noted earlier from quotes I had given him that "I've discovered, from reading your quotes here, and your XXXX(hidden word), that you have a really well developed writing-voice." I feel that this letter I wrote, was the best piece of literary genious to ever spring from my head. Back on topic... she pointed out like 4 times that "its okay" "we will talk about this" and "i really dont want you to feel weird."

now is the time between all that and when "we will talk about this"... any ideas on what you think shes going to say? anything to be prepared for? she specifically said "im not mad at you".

Well I thought I keep myself out of this due to the situation and the fact that its one of those crushes that will fizzle away and junk, and well the last two posts say otherwise. Don't get me wrong she sounds like a nice person and all that but I think trying to pursue a relationship with a "kid" I say that loosely because of age, but I think she will try to end it because of the fact she has a family to take care of. This is where the "kid" comes into play and that even though you think your ready for taking care of kids in all reality your not trust me on that piece of advice.

To be honest you should keep it friendly, supportive, and someone to talk to and nothing more and from the way it sounds thats what she si trying to do. Also from the looks of it your not trying to push for it being more then you want which is a smart move on your part, and although the future is uncertain it would be best not to pursue the relationship that you want her. I know she wouldn't want to hold you back from going to school and all that good, and from the sounds of it she knows what you want and is in a very large conflict with her feelings and stuff like that, and knowing what you want was trying to let you go the best way she thought was best. Who knows what the letter could have done to her thinking about situation but hopefully she is thinking what I am thinking and that is end it to an extent that you two will go any further.

Of course I will say this the most stupidest thing you can do is quit or go to a new job, because she will feel guilty about and so in away you should be lucky you didn't get that job. Hopefully she will let you down easily and yet remain friends with you, and she doesn't you need to do it, because you will put yourself in a situation that you will both regret and I know you know that. Relationships are hell to deal with especially when you have alot of variables that can't be answered or they can be answered the results won't be what your expect.

I know its its your life and any advice you get from someone on a forum should be taking for a grain of salt, and you can do want you want but do whats right regardless how you feel. Remember friendships are always stronger then most relationships with love it, don't ask me how that happens it just does.

I totally agree with you. I am not trying to push her for more. I really don't want a relationship from her, at all. I'm not about to go asking her to go live with me. From what she has said to me so far, is that she knows what I want, but there seems to be some questions she needs answered. She told me she would call me at 8-ish, but its almost 11 and no call. Not sure if I said it in the last post, but she did not have time to read it the night I gave it to her, but rather the next morning on her way in (she seems to think that was funny, reading it while driving, I guess I can see why considering the last words are "Have a safe drive home.") to work. She may have not had enough time to call me tonight. I really wish I knew what she is going through. She kept getting all teary eyed today when I was.. near. She said that she hates it when people feel awkward around her or because of her, that its the worst feeling, and that she really wants me to feel comfortable around her. I feel like after that letter, I could tell her anything. Shes being really cool about the whole thing, and that makes me feel alot better about being around her without any anxiety or fear.

I think some of those questions are obvious like how far is she willing to go, would she break her family apart to be with you? And of course some other ones as well but those would be the two of biggest she needs to answer. I thought I made mention about the letter but I guess not, anyways the reason you got a split reaction about giving her the letter was exactly what your not trying to do, but in reality you are trying to push for a relationship. Its good that you got it out in the open but the things you have mention like buying her stuff and taking her out to lunch is borderline more then a friendship. Ok not the lunch part but you know where I am going with it.

As for time you need to give her plenty of it, I wouldn't rush it so she will call when she is ready so I wouldn't lose any sleep over on that, and like I said early you cannot quit you not until she gives you a response. Even after that you have to give it time to figure things out, because if you leave now it will mess her up emotionally, and from the looks of it she a friend more then anything else. Right now your the closes thing she has to it, and so until she gives you a response keep it friendly reassure her in the office workspace about the work she is doing, and stuff that will make her happy and positive.

Distractions are a good thing and she needs plenty of them until she is ready to think about the the two of you. Thats the thing about relationships you don't know what the other person is thinking and so you have to do this right or the working relationship will be a lot more difficult. So again give her time and keep it friendly and supportive until she is ready to give you an answer. Also make sure you prepare yourself emotional for both answers as they will change the relationship for the good or bad.

I am sort of afraid as to what's shes going to say or ask. I really don't want things to go down the drain, but from what she's said so far, and the way she's acting, she's taking it really well, and it doesn't seem like she's about to end our friendship. She's really made me feel better about it too.

Still have not received a call from her either, a couple of my friends have suggested that I call her. I told them that she'll call me when she's figured out what she needs to say, and when she finds the time to say it all. I trust that she's not going to just pretend this never happened, considering she has said at least twice that she really wants to talk to me about this. I know she has a very busy lifestyle, and I respect that. I'm in no rush for her to figure out things, it's her life, and I'm going to let her live it (I think I put that in the letter somewhere, lets see if I can dig up a quote from that. yeah, found it).



So that sort of applies to me just letting her call me when she's good and ready. Also, I can't quit now, I need money and health insurance, and I live in an area where there's not exactly a large amount of jobs to choose from. I can see how me getting her drinks and candy I know she likes is perhaps pushing the line, if not over it, I'm not exactly sure where she sees that line though. I know what she likes, and I know when she wants it, and I'm good at delivering it to her at that time, and she seems to really like that, especially when the really two things I ever buy her (this drink she likes and this Resee's Banana Creme, which like NOBODY but me and her like) are inexpensive and it's like only a couple time's a week I do this, but I haven't in about a week, I've run out of fun ways to give them to her, like last time I bought her the candy, I bought it from her (remember, works at the store), and I said "hey, do you see that little black bag down there?? *points to... well under the check stand area*" and she said "uhh, yeah, that's my purse..." so I said "yeah that... could you put this in there?" and I got a really good smile from her and a nice little "awww, thanks!!".

anyways. I'm just waiting for her to call, I don't see her again until Saturday, so I hope to hear from her before then, but if not, I can't say it will be a bad day, considering how supportive and comforting she's been about the whole thing...

As I take it from your last post I don't think she would do anything either to jeopardize it either so I don't she will be cruel about it when she does answer and like I said just prepare yourself and wait it out for her response. Although I am assuming this, I would say what your doing right now is fine I think the line she won't cross is the physical contact that is beyond friendly, and I am only assuming that because you haven't mention anything towards physical contact that is non sexual or even semi-sexual like a shoulder rub or even footsies. You are correct on not making that phone to her as that would only put more pressure on her to make a quicker decision on things.

Of course if she doesn't call by Saturday do NOT bring it up or say anything till she tells, treat it like any normal friendly supportive way to make her feel more comfortable about talking to you alone. Of course the tricky part to this situation is when she where she will have this conversation, meaning that if you talk during a lunch break and goes for the "it can't be any more then what we have right now", it will become a very long day for both of you. Especially you because now you will be going through every emotional though process as your thinking why, and so you need to figure out how to go about this when she drops the "we need to talk".

I would recommend that if says she is ready to talk that you recommend talking after work and that way both of your jobs don't get interrupted because of this. Although you don't have to use those exact words doing it privately over publicly is the best thing to do. I will say this though and that too many people at your work place know about this thats including your friends and her friends and most likely the boss as well, granted you told a bunch of strangers on a forum about this, the work place is a different story, especially about interoffice romance and junk like that. Seeking advice is one thing but when people start showing up and start asking the who? What? Where? When and why? thats putting pressure on your, and from what you been posting right now your doing well with that pressure, especially the waiting game.

One question though to finish up and I might have missed this or hasn't been made mention but has she let her children see you at all? The reason I ask because if she has the children involved in some way of them knowing you then the situation starts at a new playing field, because now they aware of you and then the million questions from them start coming about who you are and what not. If the answer is no then situation is still the same and your waiting for a response, and I wouldn't doubt you have a place in hurt heart just remember both you need to realize whats best and not what you want at the moment.

As for what to do after her response is giving that is up to you the only advice I can give is do whats right. Although I shouldn't even mention this because of the difficulty of it being successful is spending time apart, and if you know where I am going with that you know how many different answers you can put under that situation. I wanted to mention it as an option for you to think about because it all depends on the situation on how to use that time apart to think things through, but I will leave the judgment call on you to figure that out since your the one in the situation and not me.

Just keep us posted and then when the time comes we go from there.