I didn't grow up disabled, I grew up about as healthy and normal, physically, as could be. I was socially challenged: I watched what my peers were doing and couldn't help but think 'how idiotic' or 'how demeaning'. But I watched.

I had a friend when I was young who fit that description; glasses, hearing aid and speech problems. Serious speech problems: continual exposure to her allowed me to adjust to understand her but after being seperated for a few years that ability was gone. She was ostracized by the rest of the class, which was a pity, she was a really sweet and sincere girl. Then I ended up in the outcast group in high school and it included a girl who had been born without legs from the knees down. She was not a nice girl, she wasn't nasty either, more self-absorbed. Between her disability and her father's money(lawyer I think) she assumed that what she wanted would be provided, and she wasn't in the habit of listening to other people.

My husband grew up at a time when they didn't understand dyslexia or ADHD. He knew he was different but he was different physically too, so he was all just different. And besides, ADHD was a tendency of his Mother's family so he was normal for his family. He made friends and had fun, he's a really social guy. He's mostly gotten past the mild dyslexia but the ADHD is still a problem.

Now we have a son who is autistic, and for a lot of his life since the onset he has seemed unaware that there is any real difference between him and his peers, and a more cheerful happy boy would be difficult to find, unless it's his brother with ADHD. For my autistic boy everything is dramatic. If something goes wrong it's a tragedy, when it gets fixed it's a reason to cheer and hugs all 'round. Has it been dificult for him? Yes, he gets teased by some but he has protective older and younger brothers who won't put up with that kind of behavior and will take all of them somewhere else to play if some of the not-so-nice kids around here get nasty. But has it been difficult for him? I think that while it has been more difficult I don't think he has been aware of how much more difficult it has been, for him his daily schedule and differences are a 'ground state' sort of 'just the way it is' for him.

When my older sister was born she was not able to breathe for a short time. Something clicked in her brain, so not everything is like it "should be." She has learning problems, and have a hard time doing many things I and others find very simple. Not being like everyone else is not easy, and I remember it very good. She is about 5 years older than me, and I remember that she came home from school often crying because others mocked her and she had no one to hang out with.

There were this one time my mom and my sister was outside, and the other girls from the neighbourhood came walking by. My sister kindly asked if she could be with them, but they just gently choked their heads and walked by. It was not easy for me seeing my older sister unhappy, and that others did not like her. She is special, and she annoys me some times. But she is my sister and I love her.

Though it has been hell living in the same house as her. Others would maybe say that we are treating her bad, but it is horrible going through the same screaming, yelling and complaining night after night. It was and it still is. She says mean things about my mom and family, and it seems like she thinks that she is the only person in this universe with problems. She thinks the world is spinning around her, that she is the focus point. Growing up with her was horrible, so I am glad she has to live somewhere else two nights a week.

At the same time I feel sorry for her, because she is not like others and she would like to be like them. My brother and the rest of my family are quite thin but she is not. Others that have the same problems also seem to have some extra kilos on their body. It must hurt to look at others and go like; "Hey, I should be like them. I am weird and no one wants to be my friend." She has friends, but they all have jobs and are busy. Her job is not that hard, and she does not understand that they simply have not got time to spend time with her every single day. Also I feel sorry for her that she has almost no education.

It is not just hard for those that are born "a bit wrong", or "not like they should be." It is hard for the families, friends and surroundings. My sister bascily ruined a lot of my childhood - but I know she could not help it. Being a little girl with an older sister that always begs for attention is exhausting.

But deep inside I guess I love my sister - even though she pisses me off all the time.