 Trial Seperation, we were on a break! |
|
|
|
|
  |
 Dec 12 2005, 05:26 PM
Post
#11
|
|
|
Super Member  Group: Members Posts: 370 Joined: 22-April 05 Member No.: 6,024  |
That is a good question where Id like to know the answer to. My boyfriend and I had a ' break '. We heard from everyone that breaks don't work. I believed that our love for eachother, however, was strong enough to be ok after the break and to move on. We have had a break for a couple of weeks, but kept seeing each other and everything became very confusing. E
But a break doesnt work at all. Not for us. I doesnt matter how much you love your partner, a break... I do not think it'll repair the relationship. I wouldn't give anybody an advise to heave a break if they asked me too in any case. |
 |
 
|
|
Dec 14 2005, 12:48 AM
Post
#12
|
|
|
Super Member Group: Members Posts: 287 Joined: 30-December 04 Member No.: 3,054 |
Hmmm....This topic is interesting.
I think it all depends on the situations. Some do work....just as the saying goes 'adsence makes the heart grow fonder.' Some of my friends have experienced one kind of this 'trial' thing...because she was going to go and study abroad...so she and her ex-boyfriend just agreed that they are free to fall for anyone else and they don't have to wait for each other. I don't know...it has been over a year...and both of them are still in touch and neither has been with anyone else. So this 'trial break-up' is just not like a break up at all because effectively they are still like a couple. My boyfriend and I (we have been together for 4 years) have never had this experience....welll....once or twice we argued badly and one of us would suggest a separation, but then not more than an hour later we were back together+happy again. (actually, its not healthy for a relationship that when you argue you just say 'breakup' for the sake of anger and self-esteem...And, on the contrary, cooling-off period is suggested). So, when that happened like twice, we just sat down and talked through and agreed we would not use this 'break-up' word too rigorously or when we haven't actually thought about it (and it merely arises from anger or argument). Anyway, everybody and every situation is unique.....it's best for the person, who is in the best position to see things, to make the decision. |
|
|
|
|
Jan 10 2006, 11:24 AM
Post
#13
|
|
|
Newbie [Level 1] Group: Members Posts: 21 Joined: 10-January 06 Member No.: 16,873 |
QUOTE(brandice @ Sep 2 2005, 03:05 PM) Things had been going a little rocky for my (ex!)boyfriend Matt and I for a few weeks, he seemed to be picking fights over the tiniest things and he was getting on my nerves as well. Looking back, I can see that it was probably his cheap way of trying to get me to break up with him, since he was too chicken. About three weeks ago he comes to me with the idea of a "trial seperation" Now, I believe that "trial seperation" actually means, "I've been thinking of going out with some other girl but I know I'll go to hell or something if I cheat on you. so let's break up for a while and if it doesn't work out with her I'll come back to you." I agreed, it seemed less messy than that whole breaking up and crying in a room with the guy for hours thing. After the initial shock for a day or two I realized something. Every person has a meter, it has to do with your self esteem and self respect, everyone has this meter inside that tells you how much crap you can take from another person. A lot of people ignore this meter because they think it's better to be in a relationship than to not be. It's better to not be in a relationship than it is to be in one where all you do is try to ignore all the reasons why you shouldn't be together. So if at the end of this "trial" he comes back to me (I don't care if he stays away forever... I feel so free!) I'm just going to tell him to get lost.  Has anyone ever actually got back together with someone after a break?  yeah i agree, trial seperations are really the end of a relationship really... but when you havent accepted it yet... when it starts its over and theres no point of continuing really... i dont know anyone that would keep a relationship long after breaks started..... it just went down, down, down,... heh |
|
|
|
|
Aug 7 2006, 08:22 PM
Post
#14
|
|
|
Member [Level 1] Group: Members Posts: 73 Joined: 3-August 06 From: Rosepine,Lousiana Member No.: 27,721 |
I think Seperation is stupid.Especially marital seperation.Say you seperate from an abusive spouse,here in my state you have to be seperated for 6 months before you can get a divorce.But anyways pretty much what I am trying to say is that its kinds sad that you have to wait that long because if you left from an abusive there is chance they could harm you or even kill you.Its happened too many time so I think the laws should be changed.
|
|
|
|
|
Aug 12 2006, 04:46 PM
Post
#15
|
|
|
Super Member Group: Members Posts: 202 Joined: 16-November 05 Member No.: 14,407 |
Hmm.. congrats!
I wish one of my friends would try something like that with her boyfriend.. the dude is scum, and she seems to be the only one who doesn't see it. And really, that is more sad than.. whatever else half the other people in this thread are finding. Enjoy your freedom, and good luck with your next relationship.. whenever you get around to it~ XD No hurry, eh? |
|
|
|
|
Aug 15 2006, 12:36 PM
Post
#16
|
|
|
ointment! Group: Members Posts: 542 Joined: 2-September 04 From: Bat Country Member No.: 980 |
Wow. It's funny when a really old thread pops back up where you saw that you were talking about a cool new band or a television show, but this is really a strange thing to have to revisit.
Even in the most amicable of break-ups, there's always a time when you'll go through these feelings of not knowing whether or not your life will be normal again. You get so used to being in a relationship and now that it's gone you know your life isn't going to get back to the way it was before- it can't. And then you don't know if you'll ever have feelings for any other person... there's always a mix of things that go through your head. And that all happened to me. Almost a year ago! lol I'm fine. Everything in my life is back on track and I am happy with the situation that I am in. I still run into Matt every once in a while at clubs or restaurants. It's actually funny sometimes when he's out with his new girlfriend (I think there have been two or three since we broke up) and she gives me dirty looks. There's really no reason for her to do that so I just shrug and smile and go back to whatever I was doing. This has been a crazy flashback! I wonder if anyone else who has asked for advice or shared a story since this bit of the forum opened up has looked back at what they wrote and I wonder what they thought about it. |
|
|
|
|
Dec 24 2006, 03:16 AM
Post
#17
|
|
|
Premium Member Group: Members Posts: 196 Joined: 25-October 06 Member No.: 32,173 |
I really do not know why couples go for trial separation. I mean, it's seriously dangerous. If a girl ask for a trial separation, most of them would mean they wanna break up with you, and that would seriously hurt me. I've experienced enough broke-ups
|
|
|
|
|
Jan 4 2007, 01:23 AM
Post
#18
|
|
|
Privileged Member Group: Members Posts: 570 Joined: 5-July 05 From: Ballarat Member No.: 9,042 |
You have to look at it on the flip side though, would you rather be with someone that wants to be with you, or is just there cause you have had one breakup over the 5 break up milestone etc.
On the other hand also look at why your experiencing so many breakups perhaps. Cricitising trial seperation like that isn't getting no one a helping hand, because there are relationships out there that could benifit from these seperations. You move away from someone, you relise how much you actually love and depend on them being there and you gain a fresh lesh on the love between the two of you. |
|
|
|
|
Jan 20 2007, 05:19 PM
Post
#19
|
|
|
Premium Member Group: Members Posts: 181 Joined: 15-January 07 From: Rotherham, UK Member No.: 37,245 |
If this happened to me (which it hasn't) I would not let them have a relationship in this manor with me again. As it shows your not the number one person who he/she likes, and as well as that he/she's willing to dump you for someone else, which isn't too good too. I suggest you talk to him about it, and if he/she's too of a chicken, well that is his/her fault. If he/she came back, I would say "no!" without question.
|
