I don't really know if I get the whole story here... but I just wanted to say that I'm happy for you wanting to take responsibility for your daughter. Granted things don't always turn out the way you want them to in life, but I hope you can work to make your daughters life just a little bit better. I hate to see children growing up without contact to both parents, so I hope that you continue to learn more about your daughter and that your ex-girlfriend allows for the chance that your daughter gets to know you as well.

so explain to us what happened with your ex? i think some people are getting confused because only 1/2 a story was told. i'm curious now what's going on with you, your daughter and your ex.

anyway, i agree children should always come #1. your ex did right thing in contacting you. your other ex was wrong in flipping out immaturely and without support. i woulda dumped her in an instant too i don't play any games and if someone can do that once, they can do it again and worse things. good riddance to her.

now explain this past with your ex....i'm sure i'm not the only one who is curious

Children are very Important in Life ,that is for sure although some parents do not know there a parent till years down the road at same time you really have to wonder why that person waited to tell till later instead sharing news then .

Now that you know you have a daughter ,should stay part of that child growing up years and even though a child grows up ,never stop being there for them at any given time .
although allow acceptance that child has to experience there own good and mistakes in learning and growing up as young adults too.

Still be there as a parent though .

Responsibilities are big scary ordeal for anyone to master or share into without blaming anything in life as a excuse to keep from handling those responsibilities ,it is great to give advice to anyone in this world ,it is a shame one can not live out there own advice without excuses .

When you are in a Relationship and speak pretty words of Love to another ,you just do not wake up one day and tell them hit the road without explanations or trying smooth out the wrinkles in relationship ,so what if she became overwhelmed with you talking with mother of your child ,maybe she held good reasons too ,maybe no one cared to ask her those reasons without just using emotions of anger or don't give a hoot for anyone's feelings except there own ,that is and never will be a relationship when one places own self above anyone else in life .

Art of growing up is speaking from the Heart and not through emotions which said easier than acted upon I know .

Calling women screwed up is wrong to even speak .
First of all ,speaking your side as if it the real side is wrong ,it does take two sides that should be considered in life or relationship weather there is hurt or bad choices in relationship ,if both parties do not ever come together to talk from the heart yes! there is going to be complications and mistakes that always end up hurting you or the other .

It seems no one ever told this other woman what to expect in all this and women’s emotions run strong and yes sometimes that tiny voice inside our heads make our emotions stronger that really is not the case at all although nothing ever gets solved as nothing gets discussed or another’s feelings respected .

The grass is always greener in neighbors yard especially if there is something much more waiting for you .
Or do we always assume that .

You exactly right there in last posts which normal woman would like to be compared or always hearing about the ex ?
not many .

Sometimes there has to be understanding in relationship ,be heard ,be sensitive ,love always seems find its way that filters through .


How easy when Life gets tough or something better comes around it is to blame another for expectations placed on that person ,without speaking from your heart or trying to be understood and allow own self to allow self to understand why another acts the way they did without coming to down fall in laying that blame or using words against another ,maybe it should make another feel good ,acting this way .
In a relationship and can act this way ,makes life sad that we can treat others certain way and use words I love you and make decisions to walk out that relationship because of lack of understanding or expectations or not speakin from the heart .Sometimes expectations are to high for another to handle and what is sad is no one see it till its to late .
So you know you have a daughter and hope you will always be there with acceptance and complete understanding ,even when that child grows up and maybe hurts you as a father ,that you would have matured enough in own self to never see it as hurting so much for own self for mistakes done in life ,more on lines to reac out with your heart and love your daughter no matter what .Without expectations .
you see getting hurt is one thing ,misunderstanding is another .
Love holds a package in Life .
What happens if another woman comes along and says hey your father of my son !
What will you do then ?
stop!
and ignore your ex whom is mother of your child and maybe your own daughter because hey grass is greener next door with your ex that is saying you have a son and is there father .

You really need take a closer look on yourself and How you view others that touch your lfe ,having children is not just about yourself no more ,knowing it is one thing ,taking closer look on How you will adjust own life and combine your life in that little girls heart and never isolate her or ignore her .
Take life with ALL it's packages with utter most love ,you hold strong within yourself .
Now it is not just about you.

Knowing this ,What do you teach your child ,its okay to hurt peoples feelings and use words to judge them due to fact maybe you never made your own self clear in first place .

First of all, why did you not use protection when you were having sex with the first girl? And why on earth where you having sex with her? I bet you're not in love with her, and that's not okay.

Anyway, you can't expect your current girlfriend to not be pissed off that you got another girl pregnant. And what Saint_michael said, I have seen a woman become a lesbian after a man did something like this.

You should have worked things out with your ex. I don't blame her for not letting you know squat about your kid, and I can honestly say that for the well-being of your child I hope it doesn't change any time soon.

And you can't expect her to not shout at you. Besides, isn't this just a tad hypocritical? You would probably be very angry if your girlfriend let you know that she is talking with her ex, so it isn't fair for you to yell at her, much less dump her.

And I do agree with the next comment that followed mike's. She does deserve better than you. They both deserve better than you. I've put up with this *BLEEP* before and it's not worth the time for her to put up with your immature crap.

AND

You're not taking care of your responsibillities if you walk out on your pregnant girlfriend. That child is your responsibillity. That child needs a good father, but then again you really don't seem to be good father material so maybe the woman will meet a loving and kind man who will be there for it instead of your flakey *bottom*.

Like kobra500 said, take a break from women. You obviously don't know how to handle them. Just because you are a man does not give you the right to "put her in her place." She has every right to go off on you. She has every right to be pissed off at you. And you deserve every last bit of it.

And to NinjaNT, I've seen a woman go lesbian over something like this.

As for piper's comments, SM is more right than you are. I personally (being of the female gender) disagree with a few of his thoughts, but dude? You are wiggity wiggity wack!

Very well spoken in your reply mermaid ,it was to the point of reality and this person should take some gret advice given here .

There is nothing ,should be dumped on a woman or a woman be put in there place ,because a man can and will do it .Do not expect a woman to respond with being spoken that way ,although sometimes men get to sensitive and hurt if woman responds being treated like that in return ,as if life its okay to speak your feelings out as a man or treat certain way although not okay for a woman ,that is completely wrong .

Maybe this woman held good reasons why she never spoke out ,telling she was with child ,right from the start .
When a child is involved it is not just about that man and How he should come as importance ,it is about that child and future of raising this child .

As for women turning the roles in reality becoming a lesbian in there chemistry here .
life sometimes turns out that way ,when a woman gets to living life with man ,all that love turns into that woman carrying weight of the world on her shoulders ,always doing for the one she love ,used and emotional abused upon day to day ,never hearing a sweet kind word of respect ,living a life of isolation ,Feeling the ma having last finial word of power that controls your own life ,creating nothing happy or motivated in ones own self ,the list goes on and on inside a woman’s head in windy thoughts ,yes so they turn to another same sex ,as in life at least there being understood and accepted ,as each have experienced the same disrespect in sweet Kind word of Love .

This woman with a Child I hope she takes a good look at her Life for sake of herself and wonderful respect of well being of her child .

Being a Father in child’s life is not wow I got a brand new toy here now that changes everything till the new wears off .
It is a life time giving with all Respects of own self ,freely and loving with understanding and acceptance filled with knowledge ,life is not just about you no more and Who you want to be ,as it surrounds around that child ,that was created and ensuring bright loving happy future with so much room to grow in .
Hard Road to offer especially if one has lived a life that was created only for himself and Who he wants to be and live as .

There has been great advice from everyone in this topic ,in hopes maybe this guy will absorb something from all this .

I have mixed feelings with the OP. Hope I'm understanding the whole thing as you mean it.

It was kind of dumb in a way for the girl to overreact the way she did. If you truly were looking for your ex to establish contact and be able to take care of your daughter, then yes, she was on the wrong foot to think that you were contacting your ex because you had feelings coming back to you. Like you said, your daughter comes first and rightfully so, and I'm glad you're taking that responsibility.

The thing that gets me though is that she apologized to you and you basically told her to go fly a kite. That's not exactly kosher in my book... not that it matters, anyway. We know that she knew about this whole situation beforehand, but look at it from her perspective. How would you feel? People have security issues. You both probably weren't in a relationship long enough for both of you to build that kind of trust level where she wouldn't be bothered much about you talking to your ex for ANY reason, nevermind talking to her about your daughter.

If your daughter has a fight with you and comes back to apologize, are you going to disown her instead because she slipped up? Should she do the same to you if you screw up and disconnect all contact with her father?

When you jump into a relationship, you have to expect yourself and your significant other to have disputes but also compromises to settle those disputes. If she's going to get a job that requires a commute or for her to move, she should have discussed it with you before and you both should realize that someone's going to have to give up something, whether you move with her or she gives up the job to be with you. In all reality, a distant relationship only works if both persons are willing to make it happen, but apparently you lack the dedication and commitment to this girl. If that's a good or bad thing, I don't know... I have no idea who she is or if she's worth sacrificing for.

Look into your priorities and take a better look at what you want from life before making such haphazard decisions on a whim.

All I can say is... Wow. You should've accepted being her boyfriend again. That's where you were dumb. Where you were smart was telling her about your ex. She didn't have to overreact that bad. But, too bad for you!

you should've gotten back with her.

maybe they wanted a child. ever think of that? also, why is it the guys responsibility to use protection. in all fairness, it's the woman's body and the woman should take on more of that responsibility. are you a guy hater or somethin' to only pinpoint his own responsibilities and not his ex's for leaving him out of the blue?

homosexuality is not a choice from bad relationships haha you are born a certain way and that's that. women are just more open emotionally to go that route with another woman even if she isn't lezbian.

he hasn't even explained why she left him so why are you on his *bottom* to work it out with her? kids are #1, but i will never believe that people need to stay in a dead beat relationship ust for children. there are other alternatives. in fact, it could be more damaging to a child if it is a dead beat relationship and two people are staying together for the wrong reasons.

so you put up with this crap before? he hardly even went in to detail about ANYTHING. how can you make so many quick judements? i know you've gotten hurt in your past, but don't let that take control over your own life and how you treat others.

so let me ask you because i am just curious. you a lezbian now?

her reply wasn't objective or fair or understanding one bit so i disagree with you there. yours on the other hand aside from the first part is a good one. i do believe a lot women do carry a lot of weight on their shoulders. not all, but alot. especially when they are in love and they feel they have something to prove when all they have to prove is being their own selves. they tend to create more pressures for themselves than there really is. what, they feel unloved or rejected. if this is the type of women he was with, maybe she was just a runner and scared. maybe she loved him and didn't know what to do. she called him and let him know about his daughter though. that was a good first step. that tells me that she is coming to her own senses in what is right. her first choice was to get away from him. heck, she may still love this guy and ran. who knows. at the same time, this guy has a lot to learn about relationships. although i don't believe he controlled her to leave, he may have not shown enough attention or responsibility where it put where it put things inside this woman to leave. heck, maybe he cheated on 'r. who the heck knows. i've asked 3 times already about why things got broken up and he fails to answer every time

oh btw- if she had every right to go off on him as you say, then he had every right to dump 'r. don't you agree? why stay with someone if you find out you are not compatable in areas that are important? to say he had no right to dump 'r is being as subjective as the post you commended.

i agree. he should definately take a break from women....but ummmmm....when are men ever smart?