Tell me If it makes sence please i need to know for my speech class report...

Sample Outline
Persuasive Policy Speech

Claim: There is a need to put into affect a policy making phone use while driving illegal.


Preview
INTRODUCTION
I. Story of 4 year old Hannah. A little girl who liked playing in her front yard, and making mud pies. Hannah, who was always a happy child, was killed when a driver, made a wild turn onto the sidewalk and hit her, killing her instantly. The driver was not drunk, rather on a cell phone.

II. There is a need to put into affect a policy making convinced of possessing or selling drugs on FAFSA application should be eligible.

III. Relevant because one the college age generation did something like this, they struggle a lot to get money to pay for there studies. Even though, they do not get job because of the policy.

IV. I have researched articles, and news stories.

V. I will discuss the need for this policy, the plan for this policy, and the practicality of the policy.

BODY
I. Need
A. Because current policy is outdated.
1. According to united nation educational scientific and cultural organization, 2002, they believe that it is a field that requires much greater investigation efforts than official areas of the economy and social activities.

2. According to American civil liberties union, some people are actually try to make money by involving new people in the drug deals and complain to police officers about them.

B. Because one chance can make their lives.
1. According to FAFSA, they have drug-convicted worksheet. By filling that worksheet, there are no hopes of getting aid but hopes of might getting loans.

2. According to drug policy alliance, a teenager name Roger who was convinced of taking drugs is working in a restaurant. Every time he asked to rise he got denied. He was not getting job even after graduating from school because of criminal background check. He could not co to the college because of shortage of money. . Walk Left
Transition What are we going to do in response to this need? Walk right, gesture with right arm.
Main Point Assertion

II. Plan
A. Appeal the lawmaker.
1. According to stop drug war organization, June 22, 2007, the senate committee on Health, Education, Labor and Pensions (HELP) passes legislation that among other things would remove the information “drug question” from free application of Federal Student aid (FAFSA.)

2. According to the government relation director at students for sensible drug policy, Tom Angell., we are thrilling that the committee has acted to make sure that students with drug convictions will no longer be automatically stripped of there aid and will be able to stay in school with the path to success.

B. Make them eligible for financial aid.
1. According to Educators for Sensible Drug policy, June 26, 2007, the reason aid for convicted students is necessary because once the student is denied for aid; he or she simply may decide not to go school.

2. According to Stop the drug war, august 12, 2005, DRCNet (Drug Reform Coordination network) is giving a gift to the members who are denoting $35 or more to the organization. This donation will support higher education act, our efforts to repeal a law that delays or denies college aid eligibility to students because of drug convictions.
Transition How will this policy help solve the problem? Walk back left gesture with left arm.
Main Point Assertion

III. Practicality
A. Yes, because it will give help the democracy.
1. According to drug policy alliance, Roger, school graduate who still managed to maintain good relationship with friends and family. Always get denied to get raise form his work.

2. According to Daily California, January 24, 2007, Education is a means to success, it is a means to a future, and it is a means to a goal in life. Denying that is truly not fair.

B. No, because it about only one chance.
1. According to Educators for sensible Drugs Policy, 2007, you can be convicted of a rape, a murder, or for defrauding that federal government for student loans, but if you are caught with the small amount of marijuana, then you can’t receive money for school.

2. According to Public Education Network, April 14, 2005, Public education is a backbone of our democracy and it provides the basic building blocks of our communities.
Restate purpose
(review of Main Points)

Clincher/tag/exit line or Final Appeal CONCLUSION
I. There is a need to put into affect a policy making convinced of possessing or selling drugs on FAFSA application should be eligible. (need, plan, practicality)

II. Hannah’s crash could have been a lot worse and her luck will only get better if she decided to put the cell phone away.
Walk back to the center.

This post has been edited by Pure Evil: Jul 7 2007, 12:05 AM

What's next? You want to make having a conversation with your passengers illegal too? Want to outlaw radios in the car? Lots of accidents have occurred because of the driver's distraction due to both of these things, yet I don't hear anyone yelling for them to be outlawed. I'm sure many "Hannas" have been killed playing out in their lawns from distracted drivers, and distracted driving is already against the law. Laws that deflect or remove personal responsibility are not only bad laws punishing responsible people for the behavior of a few morons, but they are actually un-American and anti-freedom. Stop with the stupid emotional "it's for the children" garbage and go do something useful like inventing a system that actually makes cars safer in the hands of distracted drivers or invent a cure for the common cold. I'm sick and *BLEEP*ing tired of being told by the state I can't do this and I can't do that just because some imbecile somewhere allegedly killed some cute little kid doing something stupid. I have an idea... Let's make a law against stupid people so we don't all get punished!

Hmmmm.... seems like someone's trying to steal mike's identity.
First of all, your example has nothing to do with your topic. How exactly does a girl getting run over by someone on a cellphone have anything to do with the FAFSA application and something about drugs? I'm really not clear on that at all.
Second, your organization seems a little off. If you do a search for speech outline format, there are a number of universities that publish the standard format. I would suggest looking at the University of Hawaii since they have PDF files that help, like a checklist and some suggestions on transitions.
Third, your research should include specific quotes from your sources, even if it's just a few words. You need to establish credibility as a speaker, so unless you can enumerate books that you have written, degrees awarded, awards in the specific field, etc., you need to state your sources in the introduction of your speech.
There's definitely a bit of work ahead, and your grammer could do with a bit of polishing.

On a side note, I think you're supposed to use quote tags when you're submitting work on the forums, even your own.