This topic is about controlling your teenage child

1.Whenever your child has a temper tantrum sort it out by admitting you were partly to blame for the argument.
2.Give your child some space to cool down (don't stalk him/her every minute of the day)
3.If your child has a problem politely ask one of him/her friends what's wrong.
4.he/she will think it's unfair to cut privileges so instead of punishing him/her take him/her somewhere where they can clear their heads.
5.If your child suggests suicide negotiate calmly with them by telling them to calm down, reduce your level of strictness and show him/her that you really care about him/her.

The main point is: Don't be too strict on your child because he/she will take it very personally and will rebel even more.[size="2"][/size]

Very true. The reason why people break new laws the most is because they feel as if a right has been violated. It's the human spirit of defiance, and it's very natural.

''so true''

Hmm, I think that more important than everything you've stated is to be there for the child from year 0 till year 10 and of course from then on. But these first years are those, which create the fundation on which you kid is about to build his life - if he has a firm home and has a GOOD EXAMPLE in you, then you will now have that sort of problems, because the kid is going to know that you love him. I think the most important thing is that the child has his mother around till he is 5 or 6 years old and both parents around him so he can play with them and learn from good exmples...

All other stuff will never help if you are away or at work and he is in kindergarden! If one decides for a child then one should realize that it can't go together with two careers of both mum and dad! It is a full-time job and the family should be able to live with only one income (from father), sacrificing a lot for the child....if you want a happy FIRM child...you'll do that and save yourself all the troubles of teenage years...

best whishes to all..

I think the only one I really disagree with is number 1.
" 1.Whenever your child has a temper tantrum sort it out by admitting you were partly to blame for the argument."

While it is true that sometimes the parent can be part of the issue ( overreacting, personalizing the processed information, miscommunications, etc.) it is NOT always an issue with someone outside of the teen. Sometimes the teen in question is wrong. To teach the teen that it is always a 50/50 situation as to why the teen is mad, the teen is not going to be able to fully take on responsibility for his/her own actions. It may turn into a "yes I was wrong BUT so n so was too so I should na have the total of the consequences given to me. I should only be given SOME of the consequences."
I've seen this. It really does happen. And it is really hard to curb once the pattern of this behaviour is established.

Just my two guatalajaran centavos.

Well because I am a teenager, I thought it would be a good thing to say something about my opinions in this topic. I will not say I am one of those rebels, but because I have an older sister in my house witch steals all the attention I should know a bit about this.

Okey, first of all parents need to understand that they often do something wrong too. That is why I kind of like rule number 1. In many cases the parents are the reason why so many children is not well-behaved. If they were raised in a good way, then there is less problems in those "teenage years."

Reply to rule number 2: Space is good, very good! We are on our way to become adults, and the last thing we want is a annoying mom or dad who stalk us every time of the day. How would they feel if we did the same to them? And stop asking so many questions, please. I understand that they just want to take care of us, wants the best for us and all that but.... just stop it, okey? Space is good, very good. I like that rule too.

Reply to rule number 3: I would not like that rule, because I hate when my parents always gets my friends involved in such things. Leave them out of it. I suppose some other teenagers feel different about this case, but that is how I feel... and most of my friends. Friends and parents should not mix too much.

Rule number 4: I have never gotten any privileges taken away from me, but that must have something to do with the fact that I do not do things like that. (Or they just never finds out about it... hihi.) Do not cut money, we need our money. Instead you can cut other things like... well I do not know. But again; space is good. Give us space, and cut the talking please.

Number 5: Ehm, yeah. When a child or teenager says something like that it is often because their family does not care enough about them, they are having problems with friends or boyfriend/girlfriend. Love is good, but again; do not stalk, please. My friends have said a lot of things like that just to piss of their parents. I guess my mom is quite glad I am not like that.

Maybe a teenagers views helped a bit. Again; I am not really one of the rebels.

Tips: We do not like strictness. Be kind, and give us space. Rules are good, but not too many or rules that does not have any meaning.

But don't always put the blame 100% on the teen. That never works either. Sort out the blaming objectively. If someone started it, you both do get blamed. If the teen started it, well... then that's a different story.

By no means am I saying that the blame always falls on the child. Parents are human too and therefore just as likely to make mistakes. I agree with the parents owning up to the mistakes made on their part. There is nothing wrong with that at all. I was just saying that you can't tell your teen it's a fifty-fifty thing when it comes to responsibility and owning up IF it is the teen's entire fault.
You didn't come home on time? How is that my fault?
You lied about your homework? How is that mine to own?
You stole money from my wallet? How is action supposed to rest on my shoulders?

Just some examples. That is all. In those instances as a parent.....how are we to 50/50 that kind of behaviour?
I'm sorry I did not call you to remind you to be on time? That would be silly. Who's gonna remind the teen to be on work at time when s/he gets older?

I should just accept that you lied about doing your homework because you REALLY wanted to watch that movie with your friend and I should now trust you that you won't do it again? What kind of message does that send to the teen about the value of trust?

I'm sorry I left my tantalizing wallet out for you to get into? Again another trust issue as well a respect, personal property and boundary issue....all ready to be waved away so as not to be too hard on the teen?

There are times when it's the teens fault. There are times when it is the parent's fault. And times when both parties involved messed up. The key here is discerning between them and then treat them accordingly.

Again just my two guataljaran centavos.