 The Fart Joke, THE SCOTTISH FART POEM |
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 Apr 4 2006, 03:10 PM
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#1
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Member [Level 1]  Group: Members Posts: 60 Joined: 7-March 06 From: CANADA Member No.: 19,657  |
TAE A FERT
This poem is appropriate for reading to an audience shortly after they have eaten the haggis - you will need an audience with a sense of humour! Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie Lurks in yer belly efter the feastie Just as ye sit doon among yer kin There sterts to stir an enormous wind. The neeps and tatties and mushy peas Stert workin like a gentle breeze But soon the puddin wi the sauncie face Will have ye blawin’ all ower the place. Nae matter whit the hell ye dae A’bodys gonnae have tae pay Even if ye try to stifle, It’s like a bullet oot a rifle. Hawd yer bum tight tae the chair Tae try and stop the leakin air Shift yersel frae cheek tae cheek Prae tae God it doesnae reek. But aw yer efforts go assunder Oot it comes like a clap a thunder Ricochets aroon the room Michty me, a sonic boom! God almighty it fairly reeks; Hope I huvnae *BLEEP* ma breeks Tae the bog I better scurry Aw whit the hell, its no ma worry. A’body roon aboot me chokin, Wan or two are nearly bokin I’ll feel better for a while Cannae help but raise a smile. Wis him! I shout with accusin glower, Alas too late, he’s just keeled ower Ye dirty bugger they shout and stare I dinnae feel welcome any mair. Where ere ye go let yer wind gan free Sounds like just the job fur me Whit a fuss at Rabbie's perty Ower the sake o won wee ferty. The author is unknown, although it is definitely a takeoff on Burns’ “To a Mouse”. Contributed by David Hain, Brockville, Ontario, who certainly livened up our Band’s Christmas Party with his reading of the above, shortly after Burns’ Address to the Haggis! |
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Apr 4 2006, 10:06 PM
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#2
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Hidden Secrets can't be told threw just words. One must feel what the other feels to truely understand... Group: Members Posts: 1,523 Joined: 8-January 06 From: Sacramento California Member No.: 16,756 |
well, i got about 2 stanza's in and i stoped...i understand it is poetry but the english on there is a bit difficult to understand an di just dot have the time
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Apr 4 2006, 10:36 PM
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#3
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A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.  Group: [MODERATOR] Posts: 4,076 Joined: 24-July 05 From: Linix, DOS and Windows…the good, the bad and the ugly Member No.: 9,787  |
English? Don't tell a Scotsman that.
http://www.robertburns.org/works/75.shtml |
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Apr 5 2006, 02:29 AM
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#4
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Newbie [Level 1] Group: Members Posts: 23 Joined: 25-March 06 Member No.: 20,702 |
hehe yeah i agree with Albus Dumbledore, its not that i can't understand it but because it's in "ye olde english" makes it not that funny.
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Apr 5 2006, 01:29 PM
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#5
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Privileged Member Group: Members Posts: 630 Joined: 12-August 05 From: Melbourne, Australia Member No.: 10,624 |
That is too funny for words! For those that can't understand it, try saying the words out loud in a Scottish accent. It is the accent that makes it funnier. If it helps, I will try to translate for you, hope it's still as funny and PIPER-4-HIRE, please correct me if I get it wrong.
QUOTE TO A FART Oh what a sleekit horrible beast Lurks in your belly after the feast Just as you sit down among your kin There starts to stir an enormous wind. The turnips and potatoes and mushy peas Start working like a gentle breeze But soon the pudding with the sauncie face Will have your blowing all ower the place. No matter what the hell you do Everybody's going to have to pay Even if you try to stifle, It’s like a bullet out a rifle. Hold you bum tight to the chair To try and stop the leaking air Shift yourself from cheek to cheek Pray to God it doesn't reek. But all your efforts go asunder Out it comes like a clap a thunder Ricochets around the room Mighty me, a sonic boom! God almighty it fairly reeks; Hope I haven't *BLEEP* my pants To the toilet I better scurry Aw what the hell, its not my worry. Everybody round about me choking, One or two are nearly puking I’ll feel better for a while Can't help but raise a smile. It was him! I shout with accusing glower, Alas too late, he’s just keeled ower You dirty bugger they shout and stare I didn't feel welcome any more. Where ever you go let your wind go free Sounds like just the job for me What a fuss at Robbie's party All for the sake of one wee farty. The rhyme doesn't work as well and some of the words I can't translate, but I think you get the general idea. 
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Apr 13 2006, 04:58 PM
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#6
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Member [Level 1] Group: Members Posts: 60 Joined: 7-March 06 From: CANADA Member No.: 19,657 |
QUOTE(Avalon @ Apr 5 2006, 09:29 AM)  That is too funny for words! For those that can't understand it, try saying the words out loud in a Scottish accent. It is the accent that makes it funnier. If it helps, I will try to translate for you, hope it's still as funny and PIPER-4-HIRE, please correct me if I get it wrong. The rhyme doesn't work as well and some of the words I can't translate, but I think you get the general idea. no problem, some words dont translate all that well ne way. ALBUS- i understand where your comin from but if you heard it being read you would be ROTFLYAO, the joke it self is mostly in the expression and the acting of the person reading it. |
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