OK, I'm probably the last person who needs to be starting this topic, but it's one of the conversations that got brought up during my friends' Labor Day party.

So what constitutes as "cheating"?

One of my friends, a guy, says that it's not cheating unless you get caught. Then you have to suffer the repercussions of your actions and how far you took it. If you get caught kissing and your partner thinks that's as far as you've gone, then that's the only thing you have to atone for.
Another friend, a girl, believes that intention is all that's needed to be considered cheating. Her example was that if she were dating one guy, and she goes to a club and flirted with someone else and tries to make someone else want her by flirting with him, etc. even if nothing physical passes between them, then that's cheating in her book.

Obviously there are as many definitions of cheating as there are relationships. Each person has their own barometer of the behavior they expect from their partner, and it may change from partner to partner. In my opinion, neither of the two definitions given is satisfactory to me. The guy's is far too lax and the girl's is far too strict for me. I'm a flirt, and I like dancing and innuendo while my husband doesn't really enjoy dancing and doesn't mind that I dance with other guys. But I still consider something like kissing another guy on the lips as cheating.

So I pose the question to you all, where does flirting end and cheating begin?

In my "book", i suppose my belief is near your "strict" friend's belief. It may appear strict to you, but like you said, you're a flirt, so it's expected to appear strict to you. The reason why i believe that intended flirting crosses line is because, to me, it's crossing the line of faithfulness—keep the flirting limited to the one you love, not the one you're having a good time with. I'll admit, i can be a pretty strict person, but that doesn't bother me so long as i see a good outcome from it. Now, if the other mistakes simple or regular talk with flirting, then that's a different story and i don't consider that breaking faith, for misunderstandings can happen. It doesn't matter to me how long the flirting lasted or if it'll happen again, if you did it willingly, then that's breaking faith, for you've chosen to allow your heart to turn away from your loved one for however long it may have been. Relationships aren't started for the sake of ending it, and if you want to increase the chances of keeping the relationship stable, then don't break faith.

It simply dependent on each person I believe. My best friend is quite happy to sit there while his Girlfriend is sitting on my hugging and kissing my forehead. However, when she was with her ex, He was not so happy and to be blunt he spent many nights walking down the street in an angry mood. To me thats a good friendship between me and this girl, I love her to death, and yes i'd like to go out with her, but she has made advances to kiss m more passionate an with that I have had to gracefully say NO.

However, between her and her current boyfriend also my good friend I found out that even thought they "officially" stated that she has broken up with her ex, they were secrectly going behind his back anyway, and for that they both lost a piece of my respect and made me have a hard think about ever wanting to go out with her. Even though I didn't like her exboyfriend it isn't something I'd expect happen to anyone. You don't like the person you're with, you must end the relationship before starting another.

However, how far is too far with flirting? My view is flirting is harmless, if there is no intention behind it. I'd get just as upset with my girlfriend if I knew she was flirting with some guy to actually fully intentionally cheat on me and fail as if she tried and suceeded. Woul it ruin the relationship I have with her? No. However she'd lose some trust and she would have to be careful from there in. Which is why I am already second guessing a relationship with this girl im interested in.

I also have forgot to mention the fact that whilst it is based on each persons own beliefs. Just remember that your partners isn't the same as your own and therefore the topic should be talked about and a comprise meet if either likes to go out and party. If I fully trust my partner, which I do most cases then I'm willing to allow more leeway but as soon as the boundry is crossed then it gets tougher. Relationship isn't about you only.

I agree that it probably depends on the person. There is some harmless flirting that occurs between people of the opposite sex, and I don't really think you can avoid that. It's just the nature of things. However, if your intention is harmless, as in you're just doing it because it is your friend and it's entertaining and makes you happy, then that's different then if your intention was that you wanted them to want you or you wanted them yourself. If your intention has anything to do with sexual intentions or intentions of love or wanting to be love, I don't think it's fair to your mate at all.

Of course, there are some limitations to this theory. Obviously, if you are a guy and just kiss random girls because it makes you feel good even though there is no sexual or love intention, it's still cheating simply because there are lines you shouldn't cross regardless of what your intentions are.

I think the most important thing is to define "cheating" with your partner. That way you are both clear. And if your partner has a problem with your definition of cheating, then they need to reconsider their intentions in the relationship. Personally, I want a guy that would sacrifice letting women sit in his lap if I told him that such behavior was offensive to me. And if they don't want to, then maybe they're not ready to commit fully to you.

Relationships are all about sacrifice and compromise.

What I figure...

Cheating beings right off the back as soon as you develop feelings for another person other than your significant other. It IS the first step towards infidelity, no? Flirting back and forth is okay... just because it really can be fun, but as soon as you start falling for the other person, I would think that it would be cheating in my book.

Of course, it's much harder to tell if someone was cheating by that definition. I am unfortunately a jealous dude and very overprotective thanks to experiences with previous girlfriends in the past, so even casual flirting will make me suspicious at the very least. I've been better, though.

Cheating begins when you both start to come by physical contact and you start to have second thoughts about actually having a relationship with another which isn't your "Main". Really when you cheat it ain't worth it you probably start to feel very agitated and start to think your lover may also be cheating on you which would end that relationship as quick as you can say "yahoo!"

I am a big flirt and I do have this question in the back of my head when I am in a relationship, not that I have many, but the ones I do this question does come up. I would say that flirting actually isn't an act of cheating if you are true to the one that you said you would be true to. If youflirt with someone that doesn't mean you are going to sleep with them, or kiss them, or anything like that. Flirting to me is good wholesome fun. However, when you starting bring in other feelings, and start to second guess yourself on who you want to be with as rayzoredge said, then that is starting to cross the line.

Bottom line for my opinion has to be that flirting is ok as long as if you know who you are true to.

Jester you have a valid point, but in addition to my post above I don't see what flirting achieves when you are with someone. If you're flirting then your not really being yourself, you become friends and you don't always flirt with friends i'm sure. Flirting is like asking someone out for a date, your saying "i'm teasing you or I like you" and If your teasing them well, you deserve what comes.

If you go out and party then have fun and party and dance I don't see why you need to flirt with someone for them to buy you a drink. If I lik a girl and she is my friend i'll buy her a drink and she doesn't have to flirt with me to get it. So whilst flirting isn't a bad thing, I also don't see what purpose it could serve while you are in a relationship.