Ok where to start is has been a while since I have posted been going through alot and yesterday it all got worse. Ok I have 4 kids 18,17,6 and 5. Three girls and one boy the boy is 6. My 17 yr old has always been my problem child she has major attitude and treats me very badly, I have put up with it for a long time and yesterday I just snapped. I was trying to talk to her yesterday and it became a argument like it usually does. She was yelling at me and screaming everyother word was f*** this and f*** that and you are a b**** and so on. A friend of mine was over and walked in from the other room and told her dont you talk to your mother like that, And then she started in on her f*** you and mind your own business and so on it got bad I stood up and walked over to her sitting on the couch to slap her in the face and before I touched her she kicked me so hard in the stomach I almost went backwards over the coffee table. Well that was it for me I jumped on her and turned her sideways and spanked her behind, and slapped her in the face. she got mad we argued some more and she left. She went down the street to a neighbors house and told them that I and my friend had beat the S*** out of her with our fists. I couldnt believe it. I drove down to the park to try to talk to her and she walked up to my window and started screaming at me again. I slapped her again in the face and left. I came home and about 20 minutes later the police were here. I told him everything exactly what happened and he said it doesnt look good for me because of the welt on her face. I am still in shock here. for one I cant believe I snapped like that I have never EVER hit any of my kids. But she has had this comeing for a long time and I couldnt take it anymore. But now Im in big trouble with alot of reprocussions. My daughter has always been full of lies she tells alot of stories and I dont know what she has told the police, but they have taken her away from me over this. She is not aloud back here and is going to be put in foster care and I am left with a mess of police and children services. Again, I have never hit any of my kids and I cant believe this is happening. I am so upset with myself for snapping like I did, I know I should have not hit her. But I cant believe all I am going to have to go through to get past this and I cant believe that they took her from me for smacking her, And now I risk loosing my little ones I will be watched and critisized on everything I do with my children now. I guess I am just sort of venting here so I will stop now before I ramble on and make no sense. I made this topic a poll because I want and need different opinions. please be honest. Did I commit child abuse? Is there such a thing as a child that needs to be smacked? Is there anyone out there with some similiar experinece that can offer me some advice? please HELP if there is. Thanks Krazy.

I dont think you are guilty of anything here, i agree that you shouldnt have snapped, but that isnt the point. As you say she deserved punishment.

My advice is to work very closely with the police. dont hide anything or be reluctant to answer their questions. Keep your calm and stay relaxed when they are around. you have your friend as a witness that you didnt beat the crap out of her. I think he likely outcome of this will be social services making a few house calls and asking you and the kids questions. If the problem child says youve been abusing them etc... im sure the other children wont do the same and lie so it should all be fine.

For a long term solution you need to talk to the 17 year old and find out why she is like this. Many factors could be causing it and one of them could be jealousy of the other kids. I would presume that the younger kids get more attention (this isnt a bad thing, being younger they need more care and supervision) and the 17 year old could be jealous of that. If i were you i would find a room alone, perhaps her room or the living room when everyone else is out or busy and say to her you want to talk to her and find out whats wrong. she can tell you or ask you anything and you will answer honestly and listen to what she has to say. Then answer her questions and at any point if she becomes aggressive, loud, excessive swearing (i for one swear a lot, but not in anger, its just where ive been brought up swearing in these areas is pretty common!) then just say calmly and without raising your voice that you will talk to her later and just walk off, go make a drink and sit in another room or something. Eventually i think she will like the attention she is getting and calm down, then you will be able to find out the problems she is facing and hopefully resolve the situation.

Good luck, hold it together!

Shadow, Thank you very much for your reply, and I would love to sit down and talk to her but I cannot, she is not aloud her and the state has her she is in foster care now and they wont let me see her. I will find out more tomarrow when the police and children services are here. But again Thank-You very much for your reply.

well as i said, i fully expect she will be returned to you in which case you can talk to her about this. Untill then keep your cool, the worst thing you could do is to become irate when the police or social services are around. If they see you getting angry easily then its fuel for their imaginary fire.

Best of luck

**Big giant hugs***

I can only imagine how hard it is for you right now and with a system like our it is always the child's side that the state takes and like shadowx mentions best thing to do is stay calm and that will help you to think clearly and try to resolve this situation. Although I maybe off about this but usually the first slap would be looked past, but the second one will most likely get you into trouble and that is how the state will see it. The best suggestion I would see and most likely child services will mention this too is get family counciling and try to figure everything out and see how things can be solved.

Hopefully everything gets solved and she stops acting like a brat who needs to get her own way, because it doesn't happen like that and those who live that kind of life will always head for trouble. Though it sounds a bit cruel throw her trouble making in her face because if I remember correctly she likes to keep skipping school and stuff like, but whatever do don't let make you feel guilty for what you did or she will walk all over because of that. Hopefully the state won't be retarded and do the smart thing and that is trying to get you and her in counciling.

Heck should send her to one of those scared straight programs that should straighten her out, but hang in there and let us know whats going on.

TYVM Saint Michael For the hugs it is greatly needed and appreciated. I have been crying on and off nonstop since last night. I dont know if I am more upset with her for her lies and the way she acted or with myself for snapping and slapping her in the face. Anyway. Tyvm again and yes I have talked about her skipping school alot on here and have always had problems with her. But she is my child and I love her. Anyway Things can only get better because they cant really get any worse.

What your daughter did was absolutely awful.... I mean you shouldn't have hit her, as a teenager myself I know something like that is really hurtful and insulting, but given the circumstances that's definitely not abusive... but no matter what the circumstances it's your daughter's fault for being so disrespectful and.... I don't know what to say that can possibly be comforting, but I hope somehow you and your daughter make up.... teenagers are stupid and we do a lot of bad stuff just because we don't know how to deal with some things. I don't know your daughter's situation but assuming it wasn't your fault, either she'll make up with you eventually or else she really does need time away to think about what she did and eventually she'll realize her fault... Don't be too hard on yourself, people aren't perfect and we all snap sometimes.

I'm sorry to sort of go against the grain here, but what you did was simply wrong. You just don't slap people in the face unless it is in self defence, which in this case it doesn't appear to have been.



If this has been a problem for a long time, have you looked for help? I know it sounds harsh, but if you haven't then that is partly your fault. If it has been such a problem that it has escalated to this level, then it seems both of you should have sought help a while ago to sort out your differences and repair the relationship between you.



As the saying goes: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. You will find that that is the same way most people will look at it. Your daughter has said some hurtful things to you, and I know that is a horrible feeling, but you don't slap someone for it. I know this will also sound slightly odd, but your daughter acted perfectly correctly by kicking you. If a person is confronted by someone trying to cause them physical pain, then they can do whatever they can to stop them. If you approached her, and tried to slap her in the face, then she acted well within her rights to use reasonable force to stop you.



You made the whole situation much worse by proceeding to attack your daughter for a second time, and this time succeeding. If you had left it after your first try, it would be seen just as you flipping out, and left at that. But getting up and trying again shows that you were determined to carry this attack through to the end, and it was not something necessarily spontaneous.