Me and the lady were watching "Don't Fire Me I'm Famous" or some such drivel last night and the star of the show was Abi Titmuss!

First of all, what is the point in this woman? She's only famous because she filmed herself having sex with Grant Stott's verperted brother! She was sitting through the interview constantly batting her eyelashes so she looked like she was having some sort of stroke, and pretending to be gutted about people seeing her having dirty sex.

She was like "oh my life is so hard, it's so humiliating, my sex tape outsold Paris Hilton's and Pamela Anderson's, i'm so ashamed!" pretending to be totally gutted but is really chuffed to bits. What exactly is she famous for except making sex tapes? OH YEAH THAT'S RIGHT, living off the back of those sex tapes and constantly rearing her tired mug on "i'm a celebrity in the jungle!" and "i'm a celebrity in a kitchen!" and "i'm a celebrity on an island and i'm going to cry cos i weigh 12 stone and everyone else only weighs 4 and now everyone's calling me FLABBY TITMUSS"

THEN she started saying how proud and happy she is cos she used to be nothing but a plain old nurse but now she's an AWARD WINNING ACTRESS. i'm sure she's doing more good to society as a *BLEEP* actress and amateur porn star than she ever was working in a hospital. (that's sincerity not sarcasm) So good for her, the *BLEEP*.

Which brings me to my next point- i really fancy a £750,000 penthouse so will somebody please find me a dirty C list celebrity to shag? Thanks.