Dealing With A Long Term Relationship Break Up

I've been going out with this guy for about 2 years now, and for the past 1 or 2 months he was acting a bit weird. A couple days ago he told me he didn't want to be in a relationship, he wanted to be single, beacause he's been in serious relationships for a quite a while, so he just wanted to have some time to himself. Well, with the help of a friend of mine and his, I found out he's going out with this other girl, and he's been thinking about a serious relationship with her for a while...and I don't know if he actually waited untill I was out of the picture or not.

I'm having a very hard time dealing with this, for he was my first possibly true love...or as true as it can get right now. I know I'll eventually get over him, maybe not completely, but I don't know how to deal with this right now. Can anyone give me some advice?

*hug* I'm sorry you're going through this. It took me years to get over the breakup from my first serious relationship (which lasted three years), so I know how tough it can be.

The most important thing you can do right now is just to try and take care of yourself. Remember that your friends and family really love you, and that you're not alone. I know it really hurts now, but this too shall pass. Try to do things which will make yourself happy; spend some time with your closest friends. Dealing with the pain itself can be really hard...you need to accept it in order to heal (ignoring it will only make it worse), but try not to dwell on it to the point where you're constantly miserable. Lastly, don't blame yourself. It was his choice to leave, you did nothing to drive him away.

I'm going to PM you my email address. I'm here if you need someone to talk to. Or just need someone to listen while you try and let things out.

Things will get better, but it's going to take time.

Take care of yourself,
--Paolo


This post has been edited by gaea: Aug 11 2006, 10:02 PM

sometimes in life u gotta let go things which u want the most...
of course that ain't easy. I had a relation with my ex since 4 years...
i was so in love wit her that i was willing to sacrifice anything.
n i mean anything. it's been 7months since we had breakup...still
i remember her...somehow we manage to be frens though.
i c her very often...she one gal i can neva forget..no matter how hard i try

i'm sorry for you,it's an horrible situation. But i think you should try to be strong,try to get over him. think like this: you are a nice girl,i'm sure that he is the one that stays losing without you. and don't worry if he was with her before leaving you or not,that doesn't matters,don't think about it even. You have to have fun and meet new people,try to take him of your head. I mean,i know it's hard and i know it hurts but the pain you feel will get smaller each day,and with time,you won't even remember it,you just have to be patient. But while you wait,try not to isolate and don't feel sorry because it is not worth it. relationships come and go and you migth think you love him a lot but when you find another guy you will see that you didn't love this one as much as you tougth you did. and if he didin't like you anymore,you are better without him also. so be strong girl,put some make up on,dress nice and go to the movies with your girls and then go to a bar and have a drink or something,without thinking about man,you will see everything will be ok. good luck****

I think that basically if you find that you cannot trust your partner anymore its better to just break up and carry on with life. Obviously, your boyfriend was not very upfront with you initially about why he wanted a break up, and I think that thats not a good policy at all in any relationship. Since he has already made his decision, I think the best you can do is to abide by his choices and try to cope with it. I know you feel uncomfortable with it, but for the long term I think thats the right decision to make.

On the other hand you have to wonder how long this guys new relationship is going to last. 2 Years with you, and suddenly it's all over red carover! However life is hard, we all must learn from pervious expereicnes and move along into the future of success.

if you ask me, that's really rude. If he was really a great, honest guy he would have just told you - it would have hurt still the same, but it's being honest and the two of you might still be able to be friends in the future. Though, really, if I was in his position I wouldn't know what to do, he should have just come out and told you. This other girl could have turned out to be a real loser and then he could always come crying back.
Well, take care. It might be a while until you're really over the whole thing but you just need to remember that you're your own person and that just because this guy broke up with you doesn't mean you're any different. If he hadn't wanted to be with you but he stuck to you for a long time it'd end up feeling fake to both of you and chances are more people than just you would have ended up getting hurt.

Even though it's going to be hard....just learn how to slowly move on without him. After 2 years of a serious relationship with him you can bet that you'll think about him tons. Try to stay active so that you don't get all depressed with thoughts. And remember that everything happens for a reason. There's someone out there for you that will appreciate the special person that you are. Remain positive and surround yourself with people that love you ok. Best wishes!!!!

O.k what this guy is thinking is that he just didn't want you to find out because maybe deep down inside he does love you but he was not commited to a long relationship. He didn't want to break your heart so he told you he didn't want to be in a long relationship. Give him a break, sometimes it sucks being with the same person. Telling you the truth if he DIDN'T LOVE YOU then he would of told you the truth about seeing another girl. So it brings to my point of course he loves you, give him awhile. 3 or 4 weeks he will want you back. All you have to do is make him think that you don't care and search for another guy, try to make him jealous. believe me it will work, just try...!

-Lala

Be strong - you are better than that. I just recently got broken up with from my 2 and half year relationship. It hurts, burns, and truly feels like the world is going to end - however it is not, just make sure that you don't do anything that you regret. Make sure you grab hold of a piece of your pride - even if you have to fabricate pride, hold it up in front of yourself and when you really want to call him, because - believe me you will, learn how to say "screw you, I am better that that." It slowly gets easier, but make sure what ever happens you hold onto pride - and don't get too drunk.

Good luck and take care.
Xx

-nats