 3 In One:d, Three poems in one topic :D! |
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  May 9 2006, 05:10 AM
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#1
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Newbie [Level 1]  Group: Members Posts: 18 Joined: 4-May 06 Member No.: 23,026  |
Ok i know i did not spell a lot of words right but still.. tell me what you think of them.. it took a lot of time to make just the 3 not to menchon all the 20 others i have...
#1. To day, I went awway, fair fair away, my mined could only say, come back dont go away, no not to day, people need you to stay, so now i stay, just for today, and then i will cumence my self, to the death that i misses, because of my self. #2. As i sit in this lonly box, with no air, no holes, and no light, i wait for you, to unclock my way out, out of this lonly dark hole, to take me home, home in your arms, the home i long for, the home i long for, that sweet serenity, o my one true home, can i lay with you, can i sleep with you, make me safe, dont let them in, dont let them take me from you, take me now, here in your arms, here where lie, where you lie, so sweet, so so sweet, pleas save me, save me, save me here, now, for you, i shall wait, and wait i shall. #3. Burning, yerning, burning, turning, my pain makes me weak, my love i cant seek, this torment, sarowsome torment, can i be, can i breath, will this end, but to what end, will i ever be happy, will some one fined me, save me, pleas save me, bring me out of this dark, into your heart, i shall wait, and wait i shall, wait, i, shall... so how were they?.... |
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May 9 2006, 08:42 AM
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#2
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A clever man learns from his own mistakes, a WISE man learns from those of OTHERS Group: [HOSTED] Posts: 1,028 Joined: 12-April 06 From: Essex, UK Member No.: 21,719 |
I actually think theyre pretty good. They could do with a spell check but thats not important!
considering the rhyming scheme i didnt expect them to make much sense as most people put any old words in to make them rhyme but they do actually make a lot of sense as well as sounding nice. Well done  Keep them up!
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May 9 2006, 09:11 PM
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#3
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Newbie [Level 1] Group: Members Posts: 18 Joined: 4-May 06 Member No.: 23,026 |
QUOTE(shadowx @ May 9 2006, 01:42 AM)  I actually think theyre pretty good. They could do with a spell check but thats not important! considering the rhyming scheme i didnt expect them to make much sense as most people put any old words in to make them rhyme but they do actually make a lot of sense as well as sounding nice. Well done Keep them up!yah i think your right, i should of use spell check. Thanks though.. im not a big fan of big words if thats not what i have pop into my head.. but i do use them once and a wile... its just not to much of my thing... |
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Oct 23 2007, 09:53 AM
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#4
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Hail Caesar! Group: Members Posts: 5,876 Joined: 21-September 07 Member No.: 50,369 |
This is a beautiful poem and it has deep meaning in it........
-Ravina Asrani
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Lo-Fi Version | Time is now: 13th October 2008 - 11:51 PM |